Rebuilding a Life
by CrackedReality
Summary: AU Logan’s struggle to build a normal life after his father is arrested for Lilly’s murder. This is a companion piece to Ghost In the Halls. It starts out right after the season 1 finale. LV Spoilers through 1x22. COMPLETE!
1. A Stay In Shangri La

**A/N:** This is basically a companion piece to Ghost In the Halls. Logan's story of how he came to be that way. It starts out right after the season finale.

**Chapter 1: A Stay In Shangri La**

_Morning after the season finale_

Logan woke up in the hospital to find his life was even more fucked up than he'd previously thought. Last night, when Weevil and his crew had found him teetering on the bridge railing, he had been sure his life couldn't get any worse. He wished for the naivety of that moment back. He should've known better than to think it was as bad as it could get. His life was nothing but one big fucking Greek tragedy. Yeah, the tell-all book about his life was going to fly off the shelves. The press couldn't make this shit up if they tried.

He lay in the hospital bed almost wishing he had followed his mother off that bridge but he knew even when he climbed up there he wouldn't be able to take the easy out. Never let it be said that Logan Echolls ever took the easy road in life. Although, if he'd known the hell he would wake up to, he might have prayed a little harder for Weevil and his crew to finish what they'd started or he might have at least tried to remain unconscious a little while longer.

He considered it a damned shame that the bikers had been interrupted before they were able to inflict some permanent damage. As it was, they had left him with three broken ribs, 86 stitches, a dislocated shoulder, one eye swollen shut, a concussion and more bruises than he cared to count. The passerby that had happened upon the scene and called 911 was convinced Logan was near death as he'd knelt on the ground gagging and spitting up blood. If he'd been able to talk, he would have assured the Good Samaritan that his heart was in a lot worse shape than his body.

The hours after he'd woken in the hospital had been a flurry of activity. When he came around, the nurse had immediately summoned the doctors to come explain his injuries and the previous night's events. He remembered thinking that he must be in a coma or suffered brain damage because he surely couldn't be hearing the doctors correctly. He was forced to accept the truth when the Sheriff had come by to get a statement about his beating and question him about his father. He could have told everyone years ago that Aaron was a psychotic asshole but even he hadn't dreamed that his father was that crazy. The Sheriff seemed to take sadistic pleasure in telling Logan all about Lilly and Aaron's affair and the content of the videotapes.

After he told the Sheriff that he didn't know who had attacked him and knew even less about his father's activities, he was left alone for the first time in hours. He knew the Sheriff didn't believe him about either statement but he was too tired to worry about it. Every time the thought of Lilly and Aaron together entered his mind, he could feel the bile rise in his throat.

Shortly after he was left alone, the nurse came back in to check on him and give him more meds. "How are you feeling? Is there someone I can call to come sit with you?"

That statement delivered in such a caring voice was like a smack right between the eyes. "I'm tired and I'm sore. And no, there's no one to call. I'm alone now."

"I know your parents can't come but surely your sister or a friend could come. What about Veronica?"

Logan's head snapped back so fast to look at the nurse that he thought it was going to fall right off his shoulders. He had to remember not to make sudden movements. "What do you know about Veronica? Why would I want her here," he asked the nurse disbelievingly?

"I'm sorry I thought maybe she was a friend. You kept calling for a Veronica when you were unconscious so I thought she must be someone special."

He contemplated the nurse's words for a few moments before answering slowly, "Veronica is…she's…nobody special. Like I said, there's no one to call."

Sensing she was treading on a sensitive area, the nurse quickly finished administering his medication. "Well, if you need anything, just press the button. If there's anything I can do to help, just let me know. I'm Nurse Parker."

As the nurse approach the door, Logan quickly called out to stop her. "Actually, there is something you can do for me. I'd like you to make sure no visitors are allowed. Especially, if a Ms. Mars stops by, I want her let nowhere near my room. You need to watch for her, she's a crafty little thing that will try to sneak past you if you're not careful."

"How will I know it's Ms. Mars if she tries to sneak past?"

"She's a tiny little blonde thing with the tenacity of a pit bull. Believe me, you can't miss her." Feeling the ache in his heart grow as he thought about Veronica, Logan shut his eyes and let the medicine take him away from reality.

After three days in the lovely Shangri La that is Neptune Memorial Hospital, Logan took his Vicodin prescription, checked himself out and headed for home. After the cab dropped him off two blocks away, he snuck onto the property over the back wall. Bumping his dislocated shoulder as he landed, he let out a string of curses. Ok, so sneaking over the wall was probably not one of his brighter ideas but if it allowed him to at least temporarily avoid the vultures out front, it was worth the pain. Nothing like a good scandal to bring out the paparazzi and assorted other crazies.

Stumbling in the back door, Logan was greeted by an almost eerie silence. He assumed the staff had probably all ran to begin lining up television interviews and start their tell-all novels the minute the news about Aaron had broke. In the kitchen, Logan poured himself a glass of Scotch and tried to figure out how he was supposed to open the prescription bottle with only one good arm. Damn child-proof caps anyway. After prying the cap off with his teeth, he washed down the pill with the Scotch. He left the medication open on the counter, grabbed the bottle of Scotch and headed for his room and hopefully oblivion.


	2. Downward Spiral

**Chapter 2: Downward Spiral**

_Four weeks later_

If you asked people around Neptune how Logan Echolls would respond to the news that his father had killed his first love and then attempted to kill his latest girlfriend and her father, they'd tell you he would descend into a never-ending cycle of booze, drugs, and self-destructive behavior. They wouldn't be wrong either. For the first few weeks after he got home, that was exactly the behavior Logan exhibited. This would be how he found himself sitting in court awaiting his turn in front of the judge to answer drunk and disorderly and resisting arrest charges.

Two weeks ago, he slipped into the back of a courtroom down the hall to watch his father be arraigned on one count of murder, three counts of attempted murder, and one count of arson. He had sat unnoticed in the back feeling the bile rise in his throat. The prosecution spared no mercy as they showed bits of the videos and graphically described the events surrounding Aaron's attack on Veronica, her father, and the man whose house happened to be the scene of the final confrontation.

The bile burned his throat and tears clouded his eyes as he pictured Veronica trapped in that freezer begging for help. He may have told her on the beach he wished she were dead but he hadn't meant it. He would never have wished anything so horrible on her. On the beach, he had been lashing out and hoping to make her feel just a fraction of the pain consuming him. He wondered if she realized that or if she really believed he wanted her dead.

From his seat in the back, he had a view of everyone in the courtroom but few of them had seen him slip in the back. Up front, right behind the prosecution sat Veronica, Duncan, and Wallace. During the proceedings, Logan saw Duncan slip a protective arm around Veronica's shoulders and she in turn leaned her head on his shoulder. With those two acts, Logan felt what was left of his heart shattering into pieces. Obviously, they must have reunited…Veronica had her white knight back. She could now go back to being one half of the perfect couple, he sneered.

Wallace had glanced back once and caught a glimpse of Logan but before he could let Veronica know what he saw, Logan shook his head and sent Wallace a look begging him to remain silent. Wallace didn't look happy about it but he turned back to the front like he hadn't seen a thing. Logan wondered if Wallace had ever told Veronica about visiting him in the hospital. Probably not, he thought. It wasn't like there was much to tell anyway. He'd snuck in to see how Logan was doing and to ask him to reconsider seeing Veronica. When Logan had refused to reconsider, Wallace left but not before Logan made him promise to take care of Veronica.

To no one's surprise, Aaron was held over for trial and was denied bail. Logan let out the breath he'd been holding in fear they'd let his father out. As soon as he was reassured Aaron would remain safely behind bars, Logan slipped back out of the courtroom unnoticed.

After the arraignment, he went to one of the seedier bars in town to drown out the videos and the sight of Veronica and Duncan together again. He tried to sit quietly in the corner with his bottle but the news about the arraignment came on the television and someone in the bar recognized him. When a group of guys at the bar made a few too many comments about Lilly being a slut and Veronica being a nosy bitch, Logan had lost it and soon the punches were flying. To makes matters even worse the arresting officer had been the one that Veronica had dumped for him.

The clerk's voice rang out in the courtroom and brought him back to his current courtroom drama, "_The City of Neptune v. Logan Echolls_ on one count of drunk and disorderly and one count of resisting arrest."

Logan's lawyer grabbed his elbow and quickly ushered him up to the defense table. Once, the name Echolls would have kept Logan from ever having been arrested much less having to appear in court. Now, the name was more likely to get him sentenced to 10-20 in San Quentin. Oh yes, dear old dad had really done him right. Hopefully, this appearance would be little more than a formality as the prosecution had generously agreed to dismiss the charges if Logan attended drug and alcohol awareness classes and kept his nose clean for the next 6 months. Logan wasn't sure how Cliff had managed to work such a sweet deal but he wasn't going to argue with it.

"Mr. McCormack, how does your client plead?"

"In meeting with the terms of the plea bargain, he pleads no contest your honor."

"I've looked over the terms of the plea bargain and I'm not entirely happy with them," the judge responded. The prosecutor, Cliff, and Logan all froze in shock. They had thought this was little more than a formality as judges usually just went along with the plea on such minor charges. Looking over the top of her glasses at Logan, the judge continued on, "Mr. Echolls I'm still going to give you an opportunity to have these charges dismissed but I'm adding a few stipulations to the plea bargain. In addition, to attending drug and alcohol awareness classes, I'm going to also insist you attend angry management therapy once a week. Your counselor will provide me with weekly reports on your progress. You will also meet with your probation officer weekly and be subject to random drug testing. Additionally, I'm extending the time from 6 to 9 months. You _will_ do everything as stipulated in the plea. If you appear back in court before the end of the 9 months, I can guarantee that you will not like the consequences. At the end of the 9 months, you and I will meet again and I will evaluate your progress. If I'm satisfied, all charges will be dropped. I'm giving you an opportunity here Mr. Echolls and I suggest you take it and make the most of it. Does everyone here agree to these terms as I've set forth?"

"The prosecution has no problem with these terms."

Logan was about to protest when Cliff hissed in his ear, "Don't argue and don't piss off the judge. Just smile and agree to the terms unless you really want to spend time in jail. You won't get a better deal." Cliff continued to stare at Logan until he gave a small nod of agreement. "The defense agrees to the terms."

"Very well, I'll see you again in 9 months Mr. Echolls."

After a quick jab from Cliff to his still sore ribs, Logan piped up, "Thank you your honor. I appreciate this opportunity." Never let it be said Logan couldn't kiss ass with the best of them when necessary.

As they walked out of the courtroom, Cliff counseled Logan. "She's not kidding when she says she'll put you in jail. This is one time Daddy's name and money won't help you. She's not known for giving passes to what she considers spoiled rich kids but I think the recent problems with your father convinced her to give you a chance she wouldn't normally give. Stop by my office tomorrow afternoon about 3 p.m. and I'll give you a list of possible therapists and we'll set up a meeting with your probation officer."

"Thanks Cliff. I really do appreciate you doing this for me and not telling anyone. I've screwed up pretty big this time. Guess it was my lucky night that you were at the jail when they brought me in," Logan laughed.

"Yeah, well with Loretta as a client, I spend a lot of time there. Now, I've got to get to my next arraignment. Remember, my office tomorrow, 3 p.m."


	3. Repairing the Foundation

**Chapter 3: Repairing the Foundation**

_Late August - about a week before senior year begins_

Logan lay on a bench in his home gym lifting the weight bar up and down in a punishing routine. Each push up of the weight was accompanied by a grunt. He would continue with this routine until his arms were shaking in exhaustion. After a brief rest, he would move onto the next machine and repeat the routine. He first began working out as a way to rehab his body but it almost immediately became a way to heal his mind too. It was a punishing routine but he quickly came to love it. In the beginning, he would lose himself in the routine and forget about the rest of the world. As the weeks passed, he began to use the time to muse on everything happening in his life.

If anyone had told him a few months ago, that his father being arrested for murder and his own arrest for drunk and disorderly and resisting arrest would be his lucky break he'd have thought the person was insane. How was something like that supposed to help his life advance? When looking back on it, he saw so many things that had fallen in line and like a row of dominoes, one just led to the next. The final domino in this particular chain of his life had been the plea agreement. The plea agreement had led him to the people that would change his life the most.

His first meetings with the probation officer and counselor had not gone well. He resented being sober, he resented being forced to talk to them, heck he resented the world and wasn't shy about letting them know it. The probation officer wasn't nearly as bad as the counselor though. The probation officer just made him piss in a cup once a week and swear he was clean and not getting into trouble. No matter how snarky Logan got, the guy just ignored him and continued on like nothing had been said. He told Logan once he dealt with real badasses in his job and Logan couldn't hold a candle to them so he shouldn't even try. He had been the first person to suggest that Logan should try weight lifting as a tension release. He'd even gone as far as to take Logan to the gym and set up a routine. It was the first time Logan could remember a guy patiently explaining something to him.

Aaron had rarely shown Logan how to do anything. That's what nannies and tutors were for after all. The few times he'd tried to show Logan anything had usually ended in him belittling Logan. He would call Logan, a wimp, stupid, a pussy mama's boy. And of course Logan's personal favorite would be when Aaron told him he was nothing and would always be nothing. Yeah, dear old dad had been a real motivator.

As relieved as Logan was to be out from under his father's eye, being stuck under the therapist's watch was almost worse. When he'd first shown up at counseling, he figured that he could smirk, snark, or charm his way into the counselor's good grace and waltz out of there without having to reveal a thing. It wasn't the first time he'd been badly mistaken.

Billy Maxwell didn't let him get away with a thing. She saw right through his bullshit and called him on it. After the first few resentful meetings, she told him flat out if he didn't change his attitude she would have to tell the judge he wasn't cooperating and he could find himself sharing a cell with Aaron in no time. Not much seemed to get through to him at that point but the thought of ending up like his father had hit a nerve.

Week after week, Logan found himself opening up more and more to Billy. He still wouldn't say that he looked forward to the weekly sessions but he didn't hate going there either. At first he'd talked mostly about his childhood, the constant beatings, the broken bones, the burns, bloody noses, etc. Eventually, they moved onto Lilly's murder and his mother's suicide.

Until three weeks ago, he had been unable to talk about Lilly and Aaron together and Aaron's role as Lilly's lover and murderer. After that session, Logan came home and entered the pool house for the first time since his disastrous surprise party. The police had come in after Aaron's arrest and ripped the joint apart. Cabinets were left open, mattress tossed, sheets strewn about, even the ceiling fan had been taken down to retrieve the camera. Logan had just stood there in the doorway and looked around the room picturing Lilly and Aaron in there. He wasn't even aware he moved but soon he began tearing the place apart in a rage. He ripped the curtains with Aaron's face off the rod, he broke the television screens and sliding glass doors with a lamp; he used his pocket knife to shred the sheets and the mattress. Exhausted, he had finally collapsed sobbing amid the mess.

It was hard to believe one event inside of that room had been the start of a spiral of events that would engulf an entire town and destroy countless lives. Lilly would have loved knowing she'd caused major chaos. He wasn't sure how long it was before he got up and headed in the house where he asked Mrs. Navarro to hire someone to come in and clear everything out of the pool house. He wanted everything…carpets, cabinets, fixtures…every last little item removed. He had gone back in there only once after it had been emptied. He would have like to just have the entire building flattened, but as he wasn't the owner of the property, he couldn't make structural changes.

When he'd confessed what he'd done to Billy, he had braced himself for the lecture about controlling his temper that he was sure to ensue. He could still hear her reaction in his head. "Good for you Logan. I'd be a lot more worried about you if you'd been able to go in that room and not have an extreme emotional reaction. The fact that you are aware that violent outbursts are not the normal, appropriate way to react to most situations gives me hope that you can learn to control your temper."

Continuing to lift the weights, Logan's mind sifted through these last three sessions. The first of those weeks had been about confronting the reality of Lilly and Aaron and the resultant fallout of their affair. The second week, they had dealt with the emotional outcome of his final acceptance and the subsequent breakdown. As tough as those two weeks had been, today's session had made those pale in comparison. Today they had confronted the one topic he'd adamantly refused to discuss all summer, the name he could hardly utter without choking…today they discussed Veronica Mars.

He should have known Billy was going for to drop a bomb on him when he walked into today's session. It had started out innocuous enough but Billy was a master at luring him into a conversation he didn't want to have. "I want to congratulate you on the progress we've made these last few weeks. I think we've made more progress these last few weeks than we have the rest of the summer. That being the case, I think we need to touch on the final topic you seem unable to confront. I'd like to discuss your relationship with Veronica today."

"What," he practically screamed? He leaped up from his relaxed position in the chair like someone had poked him in the ass. "Are you nuts? Mars is the last person on earth I want to discuss. She's got nothing to do with my life."

"On the contrary, I think she has everything to do with your life. She's one of the main characters in almost all of your stories. Whether you like to admit it or not, Veronica is a major player in your life. Or are you going to try to tell me seeing her with Duncan at Aaron's arraignment had nothing to do with you going out that night and getting arrested," she asked him?

Glaring at Billy, Logan walked back to his chair and sank heavily into his seat. Staring down at this hands he'd quietly muttered, "It might have had something to do with it."

"If you really don't want to talk about her, we don't have to but until you can deal with her you are going to have a tough time getting past anything else. She's a major hurdle that you need to get over before we can really move on. And you are bound to have run-ins with her starting next week when school is back in session. We'll start out easy. Tell me why you call her Mars instead of Veronica?"

"I'm sure you already know."

"I probably can guess but I'd like you to tell me anyway."

"Much the same reason I refer to Aaron as Aaron and not…dad. Mars is the annoying bitch that accuses me of every crime imaginable. Mars is the one I feel nothing for, the one that turned me into the cops seemingly without a care. V…Veronica…she was my friend, the person who helped me when I needed someone the most, the girl I lo—the girl I was falling for."

For the next hour, Logan talked about the early years. He told Billy about his crush on the pretty little girl in pigtails and a soccer uniform. He talked about birthday parties, dances, and everything else the foursome had done. He'd gotten as far as his stupid kiss with Yvonne when Billy finally called a halt to their session.

As he was leaving Billy made a final plea to Logan, "Next week when you go back to school, you're going to have a tough time. You are probably going to have to deal with Veronica. I want you to promise me that no matter how anyone tries to provoke you, you'll try to ignore them. If that means getting up and walking out in the middle of class, so be it. Just keep telling yourself that after this school year, you will never have to see any of those people again if you don't want. And if you see Veronica, try to at least say hi, maybe ask how she's doing. I imagine she's had a summer that's rivaled yours."

Logan had silently nodded and exited her office to drive straight home. As soon as he walked in the door, he headed straight for the gym, stripped off his shirt and went to work. It had been the roughest session yet, but he felt startlingly better. There was still a vise grip around his heart but somehow it didn't seem quite as tight. With a last grunt, Logan lowered the weights a final time. He supposed it was time to shower and give serious thought to how he was going to deal with next week.


	4. Back To Neptune High

**Chapter 4: Back To Neptune High**

School had been back in session now for three weeks and it was an even bigger hell than he imagined. As expected, most of his so-called friends wanted nothing to do with him. A few had tried to make friendly overtures but he didn't trust their motives. He figured they probably just hoped to get some gory insight into what had happened or what his home life had really been like with Aaron. He would rather spend his time alone than be someone's entertainment or object of pity. For the most part though, most of the students were willing to treat him like he didn't exist, except for whispers about the latest tabloid story.

Heck, even seeing Weevil and his buddies wasn't that bad. Actually, their reaction to him was pretty funny. They practically ran from him. He was sure they were just waiting for him to let the other shoe drop and tell the police he remembered it had been them to attack him on the bridge. He had no intention of ever telling the asshole Sheriff the truth but as long as they thought he might, they seem willing to leave him alone. Surprisingly, he didn't hate them for what they had done. If the positions had been reversed, he probably would have done the same if not worse. In a weird way, Weevil had gotten the justice he wanted from the Echolls family and Logan had gotten the punishment he felt he deserved. After all, he'd failed every female who every cared for him and depended on him so why shouldn't he be punished.

Billy told him frequently it wasn't a rational response, that he shouldn't feel guilty about Aaron's actions. Somewhere in his mind, he presumes he knows that but there was no telling his conscience and his heart.

But all of that was relatively easy to deal with in comparison to his true torture. No, his real punishment is being forced to deal with Veronica Mars everyday.

Someone in the administration must have a real sick sense of humor or justice, he thought. Why else would he be given a locker a mere seven spaces down from her? Why else would he have to see her everyday in homeroom and journalism class? And everyday, she tried to get his attention. Some days she would just walk up and start talking to him and if that didn't work she would try to antagonize him into a response. She persistently made observations that just a few months ago she knew would result in a snarky comment from him, anything to get a reaction.

The best way he found to deal with her at this point was to pretend she didn't exist. It was hard but so far he was managing. Much like Weevil's crew ran from him, he ran from her. Whenever, she got within 5 feet of him, he ran in the opposite direction. It was cowardly he knew, but right now it was the only way he could cope. Every time he looked at her, he was overwhelmed with emotion. He hated her for not trusting him and turning him into the police and yet he felt guilty for not telling her the truth earlier and for what Aaron had done. He was struck with the simultaneously urges to strangle her or drag her into the nearest closet for some sexual relief. It was an internal battle with no end in sight.

One good thing about his new non-existent to most people status at school was that it allowed him to sneak around a bit. He found he could easily sneak up on people these days as they were never expecting him. Today he was going to put that new skill to good use. Well, he considered it a good use anyway. If Billy knew what he was planning, she would tell him it was a monumentally stupid thing to do and try everything she could to prevent it. There were some things she was just better off not knowing.

Logan snuck up and lounged against the lockers. The person to whom he was paying an unexpected visit to had his locker door open so Logan was able to shield his face from view. When a guy wasn't expecting you and had his head buried in the locker, surprise was definitely on your side. His target slammed his locker shut, turned and ran smack into Logan's chest. "_Beav_," Logan drawled. "Buddy, you look surprised to see me. Are you sure you're feeling alright? You're looking a little pale. I hope you're not feeling sick," he continued snarkily.

"L-L-Logan, w-what a surprise. Um, I wasn't expecting you. Hope all is well with you. Sorry I can't stay to chat but I have class you know," Cassidy Casablancas finished nervously. He tried to step around Logan and make a run for it.

Logan reached out and grabbed his arm dragging him back. He threw an arm over Cassidy's shoulders and pulled him to his side, half in a head lock. "_Beav_, now is that any way to treat an old friend? Tsk, tsk. What's the hurry? You've never minded being a little late before and we haven't spoken in so long, I really think we need to catch up. Have a little chat you know. You like to chat don't you _Beav_," Logan said nastily. "I've heard you're a real talker as a matter of fact." Logan reached over with the hand not around Cassidy's neck and patted him on the chest. As he talked, Logan started ambling towards the men's room, half-dragging Cassidy along.

Once in the bathroom, Logan released Cassidy's neck and shoved him across the room. Logan turned to the two other boys in the room and said simply, "Get out." Both boys nearly trampled each other in their haste to get out the door. After they left, he locked the door and turned back to Cassidy who looked like he was trying to find a way to crawl out the tiny bathroom window. Rubbing his hands together, Logan slowly walked back to where Cassidy was cowering. "Now that we have a little privacy, let's have that chat."

"I'm sorry Logan. I'm sorry. I don't know why I did it. That article came out and I guess I got a little freaked and worried about Veronica and--" he rushed out.

"Ah, so this was all about your worry for Mars. What, you have a crush on her on her or something? Were you afraid I was going to run out and kill her in a fit of rage," Logan demanded?

"I don't know what I thought. I just freaked out when I saw the article and I didn't think."

"Au contraire my little friend. You did think. You thought I was capable of not only killing one girl and hiding it for over a year, you also thought I could potentially do it again," he said incredulously. "As a matter of fact, right now you're looking at me like you think I'm going to kill you."

"Aren't you," he asked shakily?

"Now Beav, do you really think I'd hurt a friend? Oops, my bad I forgot that we aren't friends. I guess I just got confused there for a minute. You know, I always liked you, felt a little sorry for you being stuck with Dick as a brother and all. I feel like I really wasted my time and energy on that sympathy. You can obviously take of yourself, or find some girl to take care of you. Despite everything though, I don't hate you nearly as much as I probably could or should."

"So you're not going to hurt me," Cassidy inquired hopefully?

"Oh, don't get me wrong, I am going to hurt you, just not the way you think I am." With that, Logan walked over and punched the Beav once in the stomach, hard enough to knock the air out of him and leave a little pain but nothing too dramatic. After letting the Beav get his breath back for a moment, Logan stuck his hand out to help Beav off the floor.

Cassidy stood there with his eyes closed and waited for the next punch to connect. When he didn't feel anything, he opened his eyes and saw Logan standing in front of him with a smirk on his face that sent chills down his spine. "Aren't you going to hit me again?"

Logan continued to stand there and smirk for a moment before answering. "No, I'm not going to hit you again."

"Oh, so we're done here?"

"Not quite yet, I have one more little thing in mind. I just want to make sure that this discussion stays between you and me. This has just been a little chat between former friends to clear the air. I would hate to hear that you ran to your big brother, the principal, or even Mars and made up some story about me hurting you."

"No, no. This has just been a little chat between former friends."

"Good. After this, we'll just consider the slate clean. You go your way and I'll go mine. Is that acceptable to you?" Logan waited for the Beav to nod before continuing, "Excellent. Now this is what I had in mind to clear things up…"

Five minutes later, Logan unlocked the bathroom door. Looking back at the Beav, he grinned. "It's been nice chattin' with you Cassidy. I'll be seeing you…soon." With one last evil smirk, he walked out with his book bag bulging.

Logan walked quickly to the nearby janitor's closer where he emptied his book bag into a trash barrel. Back in the hall, he walked a few feet down and stopped to lounge against the lockers. The bell announcing the end of this period rang and students started pouring into the halls.

One minute after the bell rang, right on cue, the bathroom door opened and out walked the Beav. He was wearing nothing but boxers, his socks, his shoes, his watch, and a bright red face. He carried his bag slung over one shoulder and on his chest written in red lipstick were the words, 'Aren't I Pretty'. The student body did not disappoint Logan as they responded with the expected hoots, hollers, whistles and laughter. Logan would give the Beav credit for one thing, he did his walk of shame with his head held up. Logan thought he might worn Beav that particular red just wasn't him. With one last smirk, Logan headed off to his next class.

Yeah, Billy wouldn't be happy if she knew about this stunt but some things just had to be done. She always told him he was the new and improved Logan. He might just be a better version of himself, but Logan Echolls was never going to be anyone's idea of a choir boy!


	5. Confrontations and Cupcakes

**Chapter 5: Confrontations and Cupcakes**

A few hours after Logan's little 'chat' with the Beav he wasn't the least bit surprised to see Veronica come storming across the courtyard dragging Cassidy by his arm. Apparently, Beaver had found some clothes or someone took pity and lent him something to wear as he was now dressed in a ratty t-shirt and gym shorts. With a huff, Veronica came to a halt in front of Logan's table for one. Before either one could say anything, Logan fired the first shot, "Ah, the Beav and Ms. Mars. What a pleasure to see my old friends stopping by to say hi. I'd offer you a seat but they are all taken. So it's been nice but buh-bye." Looking back down at his book, he hoped they would leave quickly.

"I told you it was just a dare Veronica. Nobody did anything to me. Can we just go now," Cassidy pleaded frantically as he tried to escape her grip?

Not listening to a word he said, Veronica turned to Logan and charged, "I know you did this to him. Why did you have to humiliate him? Did it make you happy? If you want to take your frustration about what happened out on someone, take it out on me."

"Gee Mars, it's nice to know we are back to the status quo. I'm glad I can serve as the villain in all of your scenarios again. It must have been real hard for you there for a few weeks when you couldn't accuse me of every little thing that happened in Neptune. And while I really appreciate the offer to let me take out my frustration on you, I'll pass. I really can't waste the time and effort." He knew that last jab was hitting low but he couldn't stop himself. "I didn't do a thing to the Beav but if you don't loosen the grip you have on the boy's arm, you're going to leave some nasty bruises."

Startled, as she realized how tight she was holding Cassidy's arm, she loosened her grip but didn't let go altogether. "You're going to try and tell me you had nothing to do with Cassidy walking down the halls with lipstick writing on his chest and wearing just his boxers."

"I'm not telling you anything Mars. Do you have any witnesses, any proof I had anything to do with it? Oh, that's right, Veronica Mars doesn't need proof to accuse, convict, and sentence. Speculation, half truths, and misinformation work better for her." He noted Veronica had the grace to blush a bit at his accusations. Continuing on, "As much as I'd love to take credit for this particular crime, I don't own any red lipstick nor do I have the Beav's clothes hidden anywhere on me. Oh and Beav, I have to tell you, that red really wasn't your color. It was too orangey, I'd try a bluish red next time."

"Other people saw you go in the bathroom with him. Two boys said you threatened them."

Logan snorted with laughter, "Well, it is a public room and since I do occasionally have to take a piss, I have been known to use it. As for my threatening any boys, that's just an outright lie. I did ask a few boys to leave so the Beav and I could have a chat to catch up on our summers but that was it. Hardly a crime that can send me to prison."

Veronica narrowed her eyes as she got even madder. One thing she hated more than anything was being out-thwarted. Shaking Cassidy by the arm, she asked, "Is Logan the one that did that to you? You don't have to be afraid of him. He can't do anything to you if you tell the truth."

"Nice Mars, now you are trying to coerce your victim into saying what you want. You really should go to work with Sheriff Lamb. Though I'm not sure you can call something a crime if the so-called victim denies that it ever happened."

For only the second time since they came over Cassidy spoke up, "I keep telling you nothing happened. Logan and I had a chat this morning to clear the air of any hard feelings. Then, on a dare from some friends, I stripped down and wrote on myself."

"See, there was no crime. Besides if I was going to do something to the Beav wouldn't you expect violence or do I just reserve that punishment for the girls," he inquired icily? "Cassidy and I cleared the air during our chat this morning and now there are no hard feelings left between us. The slate is all clear on both sides, right Cass?"

"That's right. All clear now."

Eyes darting back and forth between the two, Veronica frantically tried to catch them in a lie. Finally she gave up, "You want to claim you had nothing to do with this morning's incident have it your way. But I know you're both lying about what happened." She dropped Cassidy's arm and stormed off back across the courtyard.

"You doing ok there Cass? The slate's all clear now?"

"I'm fine thanks," he answered while rubbing his arm gingerly. "Slate's all clear now."

"Good. You're a good kid despite having Dick for a brother."

Cassidy laughed freely at that one. "Thanks. Can I sit here? I don't want to go deal with the ribbing Dick and them are sure to inflict if I go over there?"

Logan stared back at him in amazement for a moment. "Can't say I blame you there. Have a seat." After they had been sitting there quietly eating for awhile, Logan looked up and saw Veronica staring back at the two of them in complete puzzlement.

_Three weeks later_

"So you've now had two confrontations with Veronica since school started," Billy asked in confirmation?

"Yeah. Those are the only two of any significance anyway. The rest hardly even qualify as skirmishes," Logan snarked.

"So tell me about the one this afternoon. What happened? Did she accuse you of something again? Did you actually do something again?"

Logan blushed a little at her jab regarding the Beaver incident. He hadn't planned to tell her about the Beav but in the end she got it out of him without much effort. She had refrained from out and out condemning him for the incident but she'd let him know she didn't approve and wasn't happy. Secretly, Logan thought she looked like she was fighting a smile when he'd relayed the event.

"I'm totally innocent of any mischief today. She actually came over to yell at me for ignoring her and to apologize for ruining my life."

"Did you actually stay and listen to her or did you run off as usual?"

"I tried to get up and leave but ended up having to stay and listen to her."

"What made this time different, why'd you stay?"

"I didn't have a lot of choice. I started packing up my stuff and she ripped my books off the table and threw them behind her. Considering my reaction, I felt it was best to sit there and just let her finish and maybe some of the tension would finally dissipate."

"I'm glad to know you finally heard her out. But what did you mean by your reaction? Were you pissed, afraid you might do something to her," Billy asked? Billy watched as Logan vehemently shook his head no. She noticed he seemed to be turning a bit red and suddenly couldn't look at her. "How did you react?" As Logan remained silent and continued to look anywhere but at her, the truth began to dawn on her and she fought to keep the smile out of her voice. "Did you have a physical reaction? A visceral one perhaps?"

He darted a quick glance at her and then quickly looked back to the wall. "Fine," he exploded as he sprang out of his chair. "I admit it. I got an erection. There are you happy now! She was standing there in her tight jeans and a top cut way too low, the breeze was blowing in her hair, and she practically glowed as she started yelling. She was beautiful." As he stood there twisting his hands over the back of the couch and staring at the floor, Billy thought he looked like most normal little boys did when caught with their hands in the cookie jar. Though in Logan's case, such an event probably would have been followed with a beating. "I couldn't help myself. A guy can't always control his body," he mumbled.

"It's alright Logan. Anger is a very passionate emotion and it can bring out all kinds of feelings." She wondered if he ever realized his voice got soft and vulnerable when he discussed Veronica.

"It's embarrassing. I don't even like the girl but I get a damned erection as she yelling at me! That's just screwy," he finished.

"What finally happened?"

"Well, she stood there yelling at me and pretty soon she was in tears. Let me tell you, nothing like tears to put an end to a guy's erection. She said she was sorry but she wasn't sorry and then mumbled something about being friends." He was talking so low by the end Billy had to strain to hear him.

"What did you say to her?"

Logan flinched a little when she asked that question. Clearing his throat, he again looked anywhere but at her. "I _miiiight_ have been a bit of an asshole. When she was done, I picked up my books and then told her in so many words that I didn't care enough about her for her to have done any real damage to my life. I also might have insinuated that I couldn't even work up enough emotion to hate her."

Billy looked down at her notes for a minute so she could roll her eyes. Sometimes the boy was a freakin' idiot. Nothing like torturing the girl you loved as a way to punish yourself for things your father had done. Of course, Logan was in total denial of his feeling so it wasn't much of a surprise. Letting a small sigh come out with her words, "That really wasn't very nice or even true Logan."

"I know. What can I say, I'm a self-destructive kind of guy," he sneered.

"You know that's not totally true either but let's move on for a minute. Have you ever thanked Veronica for the birthday card and cupcakes?"

"No," he answered ashamedly. "I've never mentioned it."

"It's been almost 3 weeks already. When are you going to say something?"

"Never works well for me." Seeing she wasn't going to accept that Logan sighed, "Fine, I'll thank her the next time I see her."

Logan had a hard time admitting that Veronica's gesture had been the total highlight of his 18th birthday. Once, he'd have had a big party and/or gone out with his friends and gotten drunk. This birthday the only person besides Billy, his probation officer, and Cliff to even acknowledge it had been Veronica. True, dear old Aaron had tried to call from prison but Logan had refused the charges. He had been stunned when he opened his locker that morning and found a small box that contained 6 of his favorite cupcakes and a card. He never even told Billy but the gesture had nearly caused him to breakdown in tears right there in the hallway. Someone who wasn't obligated had actually cared. That night as he worked out he continued to think about her gesture and finally did breakdown.


	6. Truths, Tears, & Drownings

**Chapter 6: Truths, Tears, & Drownings**

_Veronica's Birthday(Friday)_

"Last week when you were here, you mentioned that today is Veronica's 18th birthday but you weren't sure if you were going to do anything about it. What did you finally decide?" As Billy waited for a response, she was struck again just how boyish Logan could appear at times. People, herself included, sometimes forgot underneath that shell he presented lie a scared young man who was in many ways still just a little boy. That side of him was frequently overshadowed by the aura of cynicism about him that gave the impression of someone at least 20 years older.

"Uh, I finally decided to get her a present. I actually got her two things."

"Wow, I'm impressed. What did you get her? Did she enjoy her presents?"

"I bought her a beanie bear with St. Michael the Protector sewn on the front. He's the patron of policemen you know. I also got her a white gold necklace with a small heart dangling off of it. I guess she liked them," he shrugged.

For a moment, Billy was struck speechless. She had no idea Logan was capable of such thoughtful and insightful gifts. It must have knocked Veronica off her feet. Sometimes she found it hard to believe he was the same sullen, bitter boy who'd come in here less than 6 months ago. "Wow, that's quite a gift. Very thoughtful. Why did you pick St. Michael for her patron?"

"Considering she spends most of her time chasing down bad guys and usually goes alone, I thought she could use someone to look over her."

"To look over her and protect her when you aren't there?"

"I guess. Probably," he shrugged.

"Why did you say you only guess she liked the gifts? Didn't she say anything when you gave them to her?"

Clearing his throat he admitted, "I didn't exactly give them to her directly. I left them in her locker before she got to school."

"So you didn't stick around to see how she liked them? She doesn't seem like the type that would just accept that kind of gesture without relaying some kind of response."

"Well…I didn't say I didn't stick around. I just chose not to be right in front of her when she opened them." Glancing at Billy, he could tell he needed to do a better job than that by way of explanation. "I was standing in an empty classroom across from her locker when she got there and I watched her. She seemed pretty excited. She had that friend of hers, Wallace, help her fasten the necklace and she walked away carrying the bear. I took that as a sign she must not hate them. I know she looked for me but I was able to evade her attempts which is not easy let me tell you. The girl is persistent."

And sometimes Billy was reminded vividly of the boy who first came in to her office. She could not prevent herself from sighing and shaking her head at Logan. "You've really got to stop this avoidance Logan. Why can't you just admit to her that you want her, care for her? You finally admitted it to yourself after the locker encounter so why is it so hard to tell Veronica?"

"I have no right to have feelings for her much less ask her to let me back in her life," he burst out violently. "Jesus Christ, I tell her I want her dead and then a few hours later Aaron tries to flambé her! Not exactly conducive to a healthy relationship. Hell, her father would probably kill me if he even knew I thought about her."

"Logan you have got to quit blaming yourself. You are not responsible for Aaron's actions. I'm sure Veronica and her father realize that. She seems to want you back in her life if the scenes in the courtyard and by the lockers are any indication. She's a big girl and can make her own decisions. You're denying her the right to make a decision that is hers to make."

"Please, let's not talk about the locker incident," he begged as a shudder tore through his body. "I've spent more time in the gym and have taken more cold showers than I care to think about trying to get past that event."

She knew he'd glossed over most of the details in regards to that story but from what she was able to glean the sexual tension had been pretty high. "Would it have been the end of the world if you kissed her then?"

"Well, let's recap our relationship. Last year, I helped lead the move to totally ostracize her at school, I broke her headlights, I continually tormented her, my actions indirectly lead to her being drugged and thinking she was raped yada, yada, and just for good measure I wished her dead and then my father tried to kill her. And if she were to get involved with me again, our relationship would probably lead yet again to her ostracism at school."

"Those are all valid points about hurdles you have to overcome but that doesn't answer my question." Billy watched Logan pace around the room agitatedly and waited for an answer. She noticed that with each week as they talked about Veronica more and more he got progressively more fidgety. She was really beginning to think if he didn't release some of his sexual tension soon he was going to explode.

"I couldn't kiss her because…I was afraid I wouldn't be able to stop. I was afraid I would shove her up against the lockers and start ripping her clothes off. I admit it, I can't control my reaction to her. You happy now?"

"And?"

Sighing, Logan flopped down in the chair and looked at the ceiling. "And…I'm afraid if I let her close again, she'll break my heart. I don't think I could let her go again if she wanted to leave. I know my heart wouldn't survive her leaving me."

"Not all women are destined to leave you Logan. And who's to say you wouldn't be the one to break her heart instead?"

"I don't think I could take that scenario any better. Breaking her heart would be like breaking my own. I really, really can't talk about her anymore today. Can we move onto something else now please," he beseeched her as tears gathered in his eyes?

"Okay. Have you given anymore thought to what we talked about last week? I really think you need to seriously consider it. I think it would help you more than you can imagine."

"To be honest, I don't know if I can do it. Every time I even think about it, I get the chills, my stomach starts to churn and the bile rises in my throat."

"No one can force you to do it; however, the judge, your probation officer, and I are all in agreement. We all think that you aren't going to be truly free until you do it."

"I'll think about it but I make no promises."

"I just ask that you consider it. Now I know I said we wouldn't talk about Veronica and I don't mean this to start another conversation about her. Nevertheless, I would like you to consider telling Veronica what's been going on in your life. You don't have to give her all of the specifics, just a few of the basics."

"What exactly am I supposed to tell her?"

"Just tell her what you do on Friday afternoons. That would, in all probability, explain almost everything to her."

_Saturday_

Logan had been in the gym since 6:30 in the morning. One shitty thing about being sober was that it had ruined his ability to sleep away the weekends. As the months passed, Logan found he needed less and less sleep to get by. That wasn't why he was up now though. He couldn't quit thinking about yesterday's session with Billy.

Maybe she was right. Was he being unfair by not telling V everything? Was he denying her the right to make her own life decisions? That one he could probably agree with but he was afraid if he gave her a choice to make she would take door number 2 and he'd be left alone behind door number 1.

He was pretty sure the judge, his probation officer, and Billy were right about the other thing too. He knew in his heart that he needed to do what they asked but getting his mind to agree to it was a whole other thing.

By 8 in the morning, Logan's body was exhausted. He had just sat up on the weight bench and was wiping the sweat off when Mrs. Navarro came in and told him Veronica was waiting in the foyer. He glared at Mrs. Navarro as she headed back to the kitchen. It figures that when Veronica stops by she totally disregards his instructions to allow no visitors in the gate. Except for the infrequent delivery men, his probation officer, or the lawyers, Mrs. Navarro and the yardmen were the only people allowed inside the gates these days.

Grabbing his water, Logan headed off to see what the intrepid girl detective wanted this morning. Maybe he'd get lucky and she'd accuse him of something heinous so he could get mad at her and kick her out. Anything that would keep him from taking her.

Seeing her there in the foyer, he wondered again if Billy was right when she called him an idiot. Feeling the exhaustion of this morning's workout settling in, he wasn't sure he'd be able to resist her if she did something sweet. Deciding the only way to get rid of her quickly would be to piss her off, so scowling down at her, he asked, "What are doing here? What do you want now Mars?"

Without a word, Veronica suddenly launched herself at him and attacked his mouth. Unable to resist, he dropped his water and his hands quickly wrapped themselves around the back of her thighs and hiked her up so she could wrap her legs around his waist. Stumbling a bit, he pressed her up against the wall and proceeded to wholly take over the kiss. Her moan of pleasure was nearly his undoing. Pulling his lips away, he buried his face in her neck.

If someone had asked him later what happened after that, he couldn't have told them with any certainty. He knew they'd talked a little and kissed some more but he was so caught up in her, he felt like he was a drowning man being pulled under into a vortex. Once, when he'd been surfing, Logan had fallen off and been hit on the head with his own board. The blow had left him stunned and he began sinking down into the water, unable to fight off the pull of the water. Kissing Veronica was like that, only he had no real desire to fight against her pull.

He knew it wasn't fair but he begged her to walk away and be the strong one for a little while longer. He understood then that he had to do what Billy had asked of him and face the last of his demons. He couldn't go on walking away from Veronica without irreparably harming them both. She was the only thing in this world he wanted, needed.

When he'd looked into her face and gazed at the tears pouring down her face, he felt like someone had sucker punched him. He wanted to sink to his knees, bury his face in her stomach and beg her to forgive him. He wanted to plead with her to hold him, to love him, to promise him she'd never leave. But, he knew that wasn't fair to ask that of her without her knowing everything, without him being able to make a reciprocal declaration.

It was probably a cruel thing to do to her but he couldn't stop his heart from telling her how he really felt before she walked out. He wasn't sure if he told her because he thought she needed to know or because he needed to say it.

After he walked away, he did not head for the gym like he'd told Veronica. With tears and sweat streaming down his face, he walked through the kitchen, past Mrs. Navarro and outside where he threw himself into the icy cold water of the pool. The cold water helped his physical reaction to Veronica's presence but did nothing for his mental and emotional reactions. Being pulled under by this water was nothing like being pulled into the vortex that was Veronica Mars.


	7. Tequila Talking

**Chapter 7: Tequila Talking**

Logan stayed in the pool for 10 minutes before finally dragging himself out. Shit! He shouted, standing there dripping onto the deck of the pool. He was trying to desperately regain control of his life. Drinking and self-pity were in his past. He was determined to bring the feelings of strength and power into his life, and this was not the way to go about it! He swiped a hand through his hair squeezing out the water and regretting the fact that he had jumped in with his clothes on having not a towel in sight. Looking toward the house, he saw that Mrs. Navarro was no longer in the kitchen so he couldn't ask her to bring him a towel. He would have walked in the house dripping but the housekeeper would have his hide or worse, force him to clean it up himself. Logan was enough of a spoilt rich boy that the idea of having to clean up the wet floor was horrifying.

Never blessed with an overwhelming sense of modesty, he didn't think twice before he shucked his shorts off to wring them out. Standing there he felt the sun on his naked skin and could not shake the memory of the scene with Veronica in the foyer. The cold water had thankfully dampened his physical reaction to her visit but it did nothing to stop the thoughts swirling around in his head. He had never felt like a bigger asshole than when he walked off leaving her there crying, but it didn't seem right to drag her into the middle of the wreckage that is his life.

Deciding he had squeezed as much of the water out of his shorts as he could, he put them back on and walked back inside. He had thought about just leaving his shorts off but if he ran into Mrs. Navarro, she would probably smack him upside the head and tell him to have a little decency. He got enough lectures from his parole officer, Cliff, Billy, and VP Clemmons every week, he didn't really need anyone else starting in on him.

As he walked to the stairs, he looked over at the foyer and caught a glimpse of Veronica's new Escape through the windows. 'What the hell? I thought she left. Is she having trouble getting it to start?' As he headed toward the door he heard a muffled sound coming from the other side. Opening the door, he was stunned to find Veronica curled up on his steps sobbing. He could feel his heart falling out of his chest and shattering into a million pieces at the sight of her sitting there obviously broken. 'Has she been here crying all this time? I'm officially the biggest asshole on earth,' he thought.

He knelt down by her, feeling the cool tile of the steps. Veronica looked over and with one look he could plainly see the despair in her eyes. She instinctively threw her arms around his neck. With her arms remaining tightly in place, he scooped her up and rose on one knee, finally standing. He carried her into his bedroom while she sobbed against his chest. After he finally got her settled on his bed, he quickly changed his clothes and came back to lie down next to her. He couldn't remember the details but he knew there was a brief conversation at some point in which he apologized and assured her that he didn't hate her.

She buried her face into him while they lay there, the weight of the world never leaving him. He held her tightly in his arms. She looked up at him, her blue eyes freely spilling tears down her cheek. Her ponytail had become loose and wisps of blonde hair framed her face. He unleashed the remainder of her hair from the makeshift ponytail, gently running his long fingers through it while he looked her in the eyes. He held her close to his chest, hoping that the beating of his heart would be a comfort to her. He stared blankly into the emptiness of the room. Shadows bounced off the walls as the sun streamed in through the window.

He was aware of the little things as they lie there in bed. The soft scent of her hair, and the way she fit so neatly under his chin. He also noted with concern that her breathing was extremely labored, coming in short staccato gasps. A jolting reminder that this stolen moment was not as peaceful as it felt. She clutched his hand till her knuckles were white. He tried to think of anything else but her body so warm and close to his. The soft whirr of the ceiling fan, the drip of water on marble in his bath.

Spending an afternoon lying around with Veronica and no interruptions was a recurring fantasy of his. 'Ok, so the fantasy involved fewer clothes and a little more activity, but hey I'm a guy and she's sexy as hell I can't help it if my thoughts go that direction. Shit. I'm so going to hell.' How could he be thinking of his own desires at a time like this…?

He knew he should probably get her up and take her home before Keith became worried. He could picture him bursting in with guns drawn to find them on his bed. Clothed or not, he had a feeling Keith would shoot first and ask questions later. Since he considered himself allergic to bullets, he decided the prudent thing to do was take her home. Keith finding Logan Echolls' hands on his baby girl would definitely lead to nothing but trouble.

He tried not to stir her when he lifted her from the bed. Cuddling against him, her arms hung lazily around his neck. He could feel her eyelashes stroke his skin when she opened her eyes. Her mouth opened in a yawn and he felt the warmth of her breath as it brushed his skin. She lifted her eyes to him questioningly and then shut them tightly again.

Once he got her settled in his X-Terra, he went to her Escape to get her purse. He wasn't sure what it was about women and purses but he knew they didn't go anywhere without them. His mother would have had hysterics if she had ever left the house without hers.

Opening the door to her SUV, he was stunned by what he saw. There on the passenger's seat, propped up perfectly like he had been out enjoying a ride was that stupid bear Logan had given her. 'WTF? She even put the seatbelt around the damn bear.' Rolling his eyes in disbelief, Logan unbuckled the bear and propped him inside her purse.

The drive back to her place was a silent one. She did not stir when they arrived so he picked her up and carried her upstairs stroking her back reassuringly.

Knocking awkwardly on the apartment door, he steeled himself, expecting Keith to open the door and rip Veronica out of his arms. He was stunned when it was an attractive African-American woman. He thought maybe he had the wrong apartment until she'd called out Veronica's name and started asking questions. Veronica didn't seem surprised to see the woman in the apartment so he figured it must be okay.

After settling Veronica and having his ass reamed by the stranger, he made his getaway as fast as possible. On the way home, he stopped at a liquor store in one of Neptune's seedier neighborhoods.

The long tentacles of the sun's rays stretched across the tile floor. The only sign of the hours passed since he arrived home. He felt a familiar sense of abandonment happening to him all over again. He wasn't shocked when he heard someone enter the house and quietly make their way to the dining room. He had been expecting this visit since he returned Veronica home.

Keith wasn't surprised to walk into the Echolls' dining room and find Logan with a bottle of Patron Tequila and a glass on the table in front of him. He was surprised to find the bottle still sealed, the glass still dry, and Logan staring blankly at them both. With his chin resting on his neatly folded hands in front of him, he looked like a little boy staring at an ice cream cone.

Without looking away from the bottle, Logan inquired, "Are you here to kill me or just kick my ass?"

Staring at Logan, Keith realized the boy was as miserable as or even more so than his own daughter. 'Kind of takes all the fun out of kicking someone's ass when they are already doing a fine job of it' he thought to himself. Sinking into a chair across from him, Keith sighed, "What are you doing Logan? You're obviously not happy about whatever happened this afternoon. I won't pretend to know everything going on between you and my daughter but you are obviously both miserable."

"You should be relieved I'm trying to stay away from her Keith. After all, you are the one who told me to get away from her," Logan snarked. "I know you don't want me anywhere near Veronica and I'm doing my best to honor your wishes. Why don't you just go home to your precious daughter and leave me alone already?"

Keith cringed a little in guilt. He still felt bad about Veronica turning in her own boyfriend in error. "I have nothing against you Logan. You aren't responsible for what your father did."

"Don't call him that," Logan snapped. "His name is Aaron. Even if you didn't hold his actions against me, you don't want me near her."

"Why wouldn't I want her around you?"

"Why don't you ask your buddy Sheriff Lamb? Or better yet, ask that cop Veronica was dating. I'm sure either one would be more than happy to fill you in on the sordid details."

"I'd rather hear what's going on from you." Sitting back, Keith crossed his arms and gazed at Logan. "Explain to me why my daughter is home sobbing with a broken heart and you are sitting here staring at a very expensive, _unopened_ bottle of Patron Tequila. If you don't want to drink it, why are you sitting here with it?"

With a snort, Logan finally glanced away from the bottle to peek at Keith before going right back to it. "Oh, make no mistake, I want to drink it. I _really, really_ want to open this bottle, pour it in this glass and drink it. Screw the glass! I'd drink it straight from the bottle. I could have it downed in no time."

"Then why aren't you doing just that?"

"I can't." When Keith didn't respond, Logan glanced over at him and saw he was waiting for Logan to elaborate. "It would be a violation of my probation. See…I'm every bit as corrupt as you imagined."

Keith's brows shot up in shock. "You're on probation? What happened?"

"Oh, you know the expected. Drunk and disorderly, resisting arrest. I'm sure if you ask nicely they'll let you read the official report."

"When did this happen?"

"Last summer, following Aaron's arraignment"

"I didn't know you were there. Veronica said she didn't see you."

"She didn't see me. I sat in the back. I saw her there with her friends Wallace and Duncan. I didn't figure it was the right time to stop and exchange pleasantries," he finished bitterly.

Listening to Logan talk, a lot of things fell into place for Keith. He realized that Logan was in love with his daughter. As if Aaron's arraignment hadn't been hard enough, the sight of her with Duncan had probably driven him over the edge. He was fairly certain his daughter was also very much in love with Logan.

"Is that the reason you're staying away from her?"

"She doesn't need to deal with me and all of my problems. And the last thing you want for your daughter is some guy who has to go visit his probation officer to piss in a cup and attend therapy every week."

"I think you're being a little harsh on yourself." Keith sighed, "I hate to admit it but Veronica is a big girl who can make her own decisions. I've only ever wanted her to be happy and have whatever she wants." Reaching over Keith grabbed the bottle of tequila and stood up. "She wants you Logan. Think about that." Leaving Logan to think about what he said Keith walked out of the house with the bottle of tequila tucked under his arm.

On the way home, Keith stopped off at the Sheriff's office and talked one of his old friends into letting him read Logan's arrest report. In the report was a detailed statement from the bartender that included the comments made by the other men about Lilly and Veronica. It was no wonder Logan had hit them. With a roll of his eyes, Keith accepted that he had better get used to seeing Logan and his daughter together.

Logan spent the rest of the weekend thinking about everything that had happened with Veronica and his conversation with Keith. Keith hadn't seemed that upset at the idea of Logan dating his daughter, even after Logan told him he was on probation. Logan wasn't sure what to do about her. It was times like these that he wished his mother could be here for him, if for nothing else but to talk. Maybe she could give him advice. Hell, he wished he had a best friend to talk to about it but he didn't have a lot of those falling out of the trees. Even if he and Duncan were still friends, there was no way Logan could call him up and ask for advice. That would be like pouring salt into an open wound. If he were honest, he would have to admit that his best friend as of late was Veronica.

Monday morning he waited around his locker until she arrived. He wanted to see her, and make sure she was okay. He was shocked when she arrived grinning and blowing him kisses. WTF? Much like he'd done at the beginning of the year, he all but ran in the opposite direction from her after she blew him another kiss. 'What the hell is she up to? That's definitely not the girl who was sobbing on my steps this weekend.'

At lunch, Logan sat at his usual table with Cassidy joining him today. He hadn't invited him over and Cassidy never asked for permission. Cassidy had simply started showing up and sitting with him at least a few times a week. He never said anything about it, he just accepted it. They rarely talked, just sat and ate their lunches while Logan occasionally worked on his homework. Both were aware of the 09ers staring at them but they tried to pretend it didn't matter.

He saw Veronica dragging Wallace across the courtyard but was still surprised when they stopped at his table and she announced they were sitting with them today. He'd called her Sugarpuss in retaliation for the honey bit and hoped she would be embarrassed enough to leave. He really should have known better. She turned the tables on him by grinning and telling Wallace and Cassidy that she was the love of his life. After he nearly choked on his drink, he felt himself staring, but he couldn't help it. He felt as if he had just fallen into Alice's rabbit hole.

The rest of the week was more of the same. He was joined at lunch by what he now thought of as the Three Musketeers. As the week wore on, he noticed Veronica's skirts getting shorter and the neck on her tops getting lower. 'She's never worn skirts this often. Have they always been that short? Have her shirts always exposed that much cleavage? I can't believe Keith lets her out of the house wearing those clothes.'

Lunch was becoming an ordeal he wasn't sure he would or could survive. He knew Wallace and Cassidy were enjoying the entertainment provided courtesy of the Logan & Veronica show. She was constantly touching him, kissing him, and bending over just so he could have a good look down her blouse. He was seriously thinking about dragging her into the janitor's closet and letting her know exactly what he thought of her actions and cute little skirts.

By Friday, he was positive that she was trying to kill him. A guy was not meant to take this many cold showers or be forced to take things into his own hands this often. When she kissed him Friday at lunch, he surprised her by taking over the kiss and had barely controlled himself from ripping her clothes off and having her right there in front of everybody.

'Thank heavens it's Friday. I seriously couldn't take another day of her teasing.' He mulled over the merits of talking about the events of last weekend and Veronica's behavior this week with Billy. 'Maybe she can give me some advice or perspective. After all she is a therapist, and god knows Veronica Mars is definitely crazy!'


	8. Secrets & Revelations

**Chapter 8: Secrets & Revelations **

2:00 Friday afternoon – Logan walked in the school's main office and nodded hello to Wallace before walking straight into Clemmons' office. Logan was arrogant enough to not even think about waiting for Clemmons or anyone else to come get him and take him to the office. There were some things about his years as a popular 09er with parents whose ass Clemmons kissed that would probably never going to go away.

"Hey Van, how's it going this week?" Logan asked with a smirk.

"Don't call me that. Your smart mouth is going to get you in even more trouble. I would think someone in your position would make more of an effort not to rock the boat," Clemmons said resigned.

"Sorry sir, I felt like we had become friends. I mean these weekly visits are the highlight of my week I guess I thought they meant as much to you as they do to me. Obviously I was mistaken," Logan said in his most offended tone.

"Just give me the slip to sign already," Clemmons snapped. Flipping open Logan's file he double checked to make sure Logan had not skipped any school or gotten in any trouble this last week, before signing the report for Logan's probation officer. "If I'd known that being forced to report to a probation officer every week would keep you in class and out of trouble, I would have begged them to make you report there a long time ago."

"See, I knew you cared. I knew deep down these visits meant as much to you as they do to me," Logan grinned with his hands over his heart. "The love you give your students is overwhelming." Snatching back the form, Logan tucked it in his notebook and headed for the door. "I look forward to doing this again next week Van."

From the office he heard Clemmons yell, "Don't call me Van!" With a quick wink at the secretary standing in the hall trying not to laugh, Logan headed for the parking lot.

2:17 – Logan made his weekly stop at the 7-11 on his way downtown. Once inside he grabbed his usual Dr. Pepper, bottled water and sunflower seeds. "Hey Raul," he called out, "where's the peppered beef jerky?"

"Sorry Logan, we're out today. I should be getting more later in the week."

Clearly disappointed, Logan looked around before adding a bag of chips and an energy bar to his stash. "You got a paper bag you could put that all in?"

"Sure Logan. Why do you want a bag?"

"Someone's following me. Just in case, it's the paparazzi, I thought I'd drive those guys nuts trying to figure what I could have bought." Raul grinned back at him and gave him his purchases.

Logan knew it was Veronica following him and after everything she had done to him this week it was his turn to have a little fun. He knew she'd go nuts speculating on what he could have bought. He had thought about buying a drink and taking it out to her but he hated to spoil her fun.

2:22 - Getting back in his X-Terra, he had an idea of how to have a little more fun at her expense. Picking up his phone, he made a quick call. "Hey Jack, I need to make a quick stop before I get there. I'm going to be a few minutes late. I won't even be 10 minutes late. I promise I'll explain when I get there."

He stopped a few blocks away and went into an adult book store. 'I bet she's having a fit right now. She's probably figuring I'm in here buying porn.' Grinning to himself, Logan admired his acquisitions and wondered if Veronica would laugh or beat him to death when she saw what he really bought. He was on his way again in less than ten minutes.

2:50 - He parked next to one of the municipal buildings and rushed inside. He had less than 5 minutes to make it to Jack's office before the 10 minutes Jack granted him was up. The guard, George, saw Logan come running in and called, "Hey Logan, you're late today. Jack's not gonna be happy."

"Hey George, I called him and cleared it but I only have about 2 minutes to get up there before my time is up. Hey, if a tiny little blonde comes through here looking for me could you tell her you haven't seen me?"

"Sure. Is she pretty? Why are you hiding from a girl?"

"Very hot, I'm playing a little joke on her. Thanks G. I'll catch you later," Logan called out as he leaped up the stairs two at a time. Arriving at the probation office, he signed in at the desk and waved at the staff milling around before he entered Jack's office.

Not even looking up when he walked in the room, Jack said, "You just made it Logan. So now do you want to explain what you had to do that was so important."

"Sorry Jack, I promise I'll be on time next week. Someone was following me so I decided to have a little fun with her to teach her a lesson."

"Was it the paparazzi?" Jack frowned concernedly.

"The paparazzi wouldn't be so tenacious. It was Veronica Mars."

"Ah. The infamous Ms. Mars I hear so much about. Why is she following you? What did you do to her?"

"She's apparently finally figured out that I leave early on Fridays so I imagine she's trying to figure out why. I didn't actually do anything _to_ her. I just made a little stop by the adult bookstore and bought her a little gift while I was inside," he smirked.

Shaking his head, Jack couldn't help but laugh. Sometimes Logan was a handful. "Come on smart guy, you can tell me what you bought her after we do your test."

While they filled out the weekly papers, Logan let Jack in on Veronica's present and his plan to give it to her. After all these months of listening to Logan talk about Veronica, Jack felt like he knew her. As Logan was leaving, Jack shouted after him, "She's gonna kill you when she opens that present."

Popping his head back in Jack's office, Logan leered, "Maybe she'll use the gift to do it!"

3:25 - Logan came running out of the building and hopped back in his SUV and headed for his next stop. Parking at a medical complex thirty minutes later, he got out and sprinted for the building. Billy was going to kick his ass if he was late. He learned quickly that one didn't dare be late unless he wanted a ten minute lecture on courtesy and time management. He got enough lectures from her without giving her added ammunition.

Billy noted that he was more agitated than usual this week as he paced around the room, periodically picking up objects. She watched silently as he picked up a book from the shelf then put it right back down, a paperweight he tossed from hand to hand, a pen twirled between his fingers. He at last stopped pacing and went to stand by the window, peeking out of her shades.

"Come here," he commanded. She just looked at him with her head tilted and wondered if he really thought she'd respond to his order. "Will you _please_ come over here?" he asked with an eye roll. "You keep asking about Veronica, well I'm going to give you a chance to see her."

Billy admitted to herself that she was very interested. She thought Veronica would be a fascinating study if someone ever got the opportunity. Curious as to what Logan was up to, she joined him at the window. Pointing outside, "See the little blonde next to the taupe colored Escape?" At her nod, Logan continued, "That's Veronica."

"Why is she outside? Why didn't she come in with you?"

"I'm not supposed to know she's out there." A small smile tilted his mouth. He then told her the story about Veronica following him, the stop at the bookstore…the whole spiel. When he was done, Billy just looked at him and shook her head. There really wasn't much she could say about it.

"Now, explain to me why you are so agitated today. I don't think it all has to do with Veronica being outside."

He took a deep breath and then exhaled loudly, "I've thought about what you asked me last week. And…I'll do it. I'll go see Aaron."

"Are you positive you want to do it? Remember, this is totally up to you. We don't want to force you into something you don't want." She thought he looked nauseous but he nodded his consent. "OK then. When you stop by to see Cliff, tell him what you've decided and he can get started on setting up the visit. I know you don't want to do this Logan but I really do think in the long run, it'll be for the best."

"You're most likely right. Though I can't help but feel like I'm in the path of some giant boulder that's biding its time before it crushes me."

For the next part of the session they talked about what his decision would mean, what to expect, the procedures, how to prepare, how to cope with the things Aaron might say or do. Billy knew the thought of going to visit Aaron was upsetting Logan to the point he could hardly stand still, but she thought Veronica was probably contributing to the high level of agitation. When they were done talking about the visit, she asked him if there was anything else on his mind.

He hesitated while trying to decide if he should bring it up but finally decided he had to talk to somebody. "Veronica. She's crazy and this last week she's been trying to send me over the edge with her."

"Crazy is not a term I like to use. I prefer…a little unstable. Now tell me what she did to you," Billy inquired.

"OK. It all started last Saturday when she showed up at my house to thank me for the birthday presents. She practically assaulted me in the foyer." Logan went on to describe the encounter in the foyer, his dip in the pool, Veronica's subsequent breakdown. It was evident he was highly distressed. His voice kept getting higher as he described the day's events. "I didn't know what the hell to do with her. I finally took her home and left her there with her dad's girlfriend."

"What did you do after you left her place?" she prompted.

A blush bloomed across his cheeks and he looked at the floor. "I stopped and bought a bottle of Patron Tequila and went home."

Though she wasn't sure she wanted the answer she asked, "Did you drink it?"

"No. I stared at it for a couple of hours and thought about how desperately I wanted to drink it. I never even broke the seal. I knew if I even smelled it, I'd drink it."

"What did you do with it?"

"Veronica's dad showed up, probably to kill me, but I must have appeared too pathetic to bother. When he left, he took it with him."

"Would you have drunk the tequila if her dad hadn't shown up and taken the bottle?"

Would he have? Logan huffed out a breath while he thought over the question. "I don't know for sure but…no…I really don't think I would have. I don't want to screw up my probation after I've already made it this long."

"Is that it? You don't want to screw up your probation? No other reason?"

"I'm finally getting control of my life and I don't want to give that up. And if Veronica found out I left her crying to go get drunk, she'd kick my ass."

"What did Veronica's dad say to you?"

"Surprisingly, he took the news of my arrest and probation without freaking out. He told me he didn't have anything against me. He even acknowledged that Veronica was a big girl who could make her own choices and she wants me."

"Do you believe that she wants you?" Billy asked curiously.

"Yeah…I guess…at least physically. If she doesn't, she's doing a superior imitation of someone who does. All week she's been kissing me, touching me, telling the other guys at lunch I'm in love with her, bending down so I get a really nice look down her shirt. If her skirts get any shorter and the tops show any more cleavage, she's going to be arrested…or I will, when I deck the guys for staring at her. I was about ready to throw a damn blanket around her today. Every guy at lunch was staring at her like she was an option on the menu!" Logan glowered, clearly upset as he remembered the other boys checking her out.

Billy couldn't help but let out a small laugh (she quickly tried to cover it as a cough) at his last statement. Veronica was clearly causing their boy to become unhinged.

"Oh sure, go ahead and laugh. It's really fuckin' funny when it's not you being tormented. But I'm telling you, the human body was not designed to take this kind of suffering. If she keeps this up, I can't be held responsible for what I do."

"You're right. It's not funny, I shouldn't have laughed. I don't know what to tell you other than you need to have a talk with her about your feelings. You need to ask yourself if you are really ready to have sex with her." Logan looked at her disbelievingly. "I'm not talking about physically. I know you're ready for that part of it, I'm talking about emotionally. You might not be a virgin but for all intents and purposes Veronica is. Physically that barrier may be gone but emotionally it's still in place. With no memory of what happened, she has no idea what to really expect or feel. She may think she's ready but in actuality when it comes down to actually doing it, she may not be. And you are going to have to respect that and be willing and able to pull back should she say no."

Logan dropped his head in his hands and groaned. Scrubbing his hands over his face and hair, he wondered how he got himself in these situations.

Walking to the elevator a million thoughts were going through his head. He thought about everything they'd talked about and wondered what he was going to do. As he approached the exit, he caught a glimpse of his expression in one of the mirrors in the lobby. If he walked outside with this anxious expression on his face, Veronica would probably come running across the parking lot to interrogate him and he was not up to dealing with her right now.

5:05 - Logan put on his Oakley sunglasses and forced a happy expression on his face. He even started whistling as a way to keep the anxious expression from returning. Once he was inside his SUV with the tinted windows he dropped his head on the seat and the anxiety was back on his face. He really just wanted to go home and hide out but he still had two more stops to make.

5:27 – He parked outside the rundown building that held Cliff's office. He didn't stop there every week but Cliff had some paperwork for him to sign and he needed him to start on arranging the visit. As a general rule, Logan hated lawyers but if he was going to be forced to deal with one and pay the guy, he would just as soon it was an upright guy and Cliff met his definition of one.

He had been shocked when his father's lawyer, Barry, had shown up at the house a few days after Aaron's arraignment to discuss financial matters. For reasons Logan still didn't quite comprehend, it turned out Aaron had stashed millions of dollars in Swiss and Cayman banks under Logan and Trina's names. Knowing Aaron it wasn't for altruistic reasons but more likely to hide it in case of possible lawsuits, a divorce or even tax reasons. The Kanes had filed suit against Aaron and the court was expected to rule on freezing his assets any day now. Barry felt it would be best for Logan and Trina to claim the money and get it far away from Aaron's assets. Trina had immediately taken her money and headed for the Caribbean where according to the tabloids she was living the high life.

Logan had thanked Barry and then called Cliff for advice on the best way to handle it. Cliff had made immediate arrangements for an emancipation hearing so Logan could legally claim the money and be out from Aaron's control. He wasn't sure what strings Cliff pulled but he was an emancipated minor less than two weeks later. After the hearing, Cliff arranged for the money to be moved to banks in the U.S. He also suggested Logan run a check to make sure that there wasn't any more money hidden. He was able to find two more accounts. Logan was there today to sign the papers necessary to have the remaining money transferred. He laughed every time he thought about Aaron's reaction would be when he found out. For once, Aaron's sleazy actions would benefit Logan.

5:53 - He came out of Cliff's and drove to the grocery store. He couldn't say he enjoyed grocery shopping but he liked eating and Mrs. Navarro wouldn't shop so there wasn't much of a choice.

7:02 – He arrived home and unloaded all of his bags. When he looked out a few minutes later, he was relieved to see Veronica had left. He wondered if Veronica had found any of the answers she was searching for today. Knowing her, she'd probably be by tomorrow to interrogate him.

In Logan's opinion, the weekend was about two steps away from hell. He had known Veronica would show up, so he kept an eye trained on the gate so he could buzz her in immediately. Catching her unaware would be his only hope of keeping her off track.

He was on edge due to lack of sleep and everything he'd talked about with Billy. Evading her attempts to find out what he was up to on Fridays took entirely too much of his concentration. He should probably just tell her but he wasn't ready to talk to her about it right now. He needed some more time to process everything.

When Billy had mentioned the emotional part of sex and Veronica being a virgin in every way but the physical sense, it was like being hit by a train. He never gave much thought to the emotional aspect. Sex was sex. He was long past being a virgin and Lilly hadn't been emotional about the whole thing. It was simply a fact of life and something she enjoyed. He didn't think Veronica was really the hearts, flowers, and teddy bear type anymore but she deserved to have it be special and memorable. He had unintentionally robbed her of the first time she should have experienced. He wanted to make sure got everything she deserved the second time.

When he suggested a workout on Sunday he had thought it would be a good way to distract him and share something with her that he enjoyed. He wondered just how many times in his life he could be that badly mistaken.

He enjoyed watching her work up a sweat a little too much. Afterwards, standing there dripping sweat, she snapped a towel at him so he tackled her but made sure that he turned so he hit the mat and she landed on top of him. His plan was to tickle her until she begged for mercy. She promptly destroyed that plan when she bent down and kissed him. Tongues busy in each other's mouths, they rolled around on the mat until he finally settled between her thighs. When she wrapped her legs around his and pushed up against him, he lost all ability to think rationally. The only thought running through his mind was shoving down their shorts so he could bury himself inside of her. He could already feel her wet heat enveloping him.

He was slipping his hand in her shorts to touch her when Mrs. Navarro yelled up the stairs to let Veronica know Keith was on the phone. A girl he teased in the sixth grade once kneed him in the groin. The pain of that paled in comparison. After practically leaping off of her he lay on the mat with one arm thrown over his eyes groaning and cursing. He wondered what she would think if he started crying.

Veronica had yelled something back at the housekeeper and reached out to touch him. "Please don't touch me," he whispered huskily. She tried to say something else but he waved at hand at her, begging her to be quiet. The sound of her voice sent vibrations straight through his painfully hard cock. He knew she was equally frustrated and could hear the tears in his voice but he couldn't bring himself to offer her comfort. He told her to go call Keith back and then all but crawled from his state-of-the-art gym and into the shower. He was unable to stop himself from relieving his hard-on but he was still pale and achy when he got out.

When he saw her next, she had also taken a shower and her eyes were red and puffy. He wanted to hold her but he knew if he touched her they would be right back on the floor or against the wall…any position that would allow him to undress her enough to bury his cock inside of her. After a short, awkward conversation he sent her home so he could wallow in peace.

Monday Logan nearly got down on his knees to thank the Gods when Veronica showed up in jeans and a long sleeved shirt that did not reveal excessive cleavage. If she had shown up in another skirt and cleavage revealing shirt, he was afraid he would have curled up on the floor whimpering in pain. They hadn't had time to exchange more than a quick hello that morning so he was looking forward to spending time with her at lunch.

He saw her strolling across the courtyard only to be cut off by Duncan. 'I'm watching her, not them. I just want to know when she's heading over here. It has nothing to do with jealousy,' he assured himself. His eyes narrowed dangerously when he saw Duncan grab her arm. She looked distressed but he knew she would get pissed if he came over there and played the caveman. He knew she was supremely capable of taking care of herself but he still had to fight the urge to run over there and whisk her away.

Cassidy and Wallace turned around to see what was obviously pissing him off. "Shit," Wallace muttered. "Will that guy just take a hint?"

Logan looked sharply over to Wallace. "What do you mean?"

"She told that guy this summer that she had no interested in dating him. He kept pushing until she finally quit taking his calls altogether. I offered to kick his ass but she wouldn't let me." All three boys glared at the scene unfolding before them.

Logan could tell from their expressions and the body language that the scene had become intense. When the boys saw her reach out and smack Duncan there was a chorus of, "Holy shit, damn that had to hurt, son of a bitch!"

Logan leaped out of his seat and swiftly marched in their direction. When they met up, he put his hands on her shoulders trying to calm her, "What happened? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. We just had a disagreement. Can we please just go sit down and eat lunch?" He wanted to press further but seeing how upset she was he let it pass for the moment. He thought about confronting Duncan to get the story from him but knew she'd be pissed if he went behind her back. He would wait until he was able to get the details out of her before he decided whether or not to kick Duncan's ass. Putting his arm around her shoulders, he led her back to their table.

By the time Friday got there, Logan felt like he was being crushed under a tidal wave. Everything just kept rushing at him, wave after wave of emotion drowning him. He had all but given up on sleep as anything more than a vague concept. The rare times he did fall asleep, he was plagued by nightmares. Sometimes he dreamed of his father attacking him, attacking Veronica, and killing Lilly…other times he dreamed of Veronica screaming at him that he murdered Lilly, of Lilly blaming him. Most nights he would wake in a cold sweat. The first night he tried to go back to sleep but ended up laying there watching the moonlight peaking through the shades, listening to the automatic sprinklers kick on, to the odd noises houses always make at night. The ticking of the stupid grandfather clock Aaron had put in the hall was in rhythm with his heartbeat. The second night he didn't even try to go back to sleep; instead, he went to lift weights. His jaw was set firmly, as he concentrated on his routine, he would momentarily be free of these disturbing, and destructive thoughts.

As horrible as all of those other dreams were the worst was the one where he dreamt of Veronica trapped in the freezer and unable to escape in time. That night he woke up screaming and had to call her to reassure himself she was alive. It had been after 3 in the morning but he had to know she was ok. He called her cell phone so Keith wouldn't hear him call. When she'd answered, her voice sleepy and soft, his heart was able to start beating again. He told her he just wanted to hear her voice and to go back asleep. Given that she was still most of the way asleep, she murmured agreement and hung up. He hopped in the shower after that hoping to cleanse his mind as easily as he did his body.

After he exited Clemmons' office Friday afternoon, he headed for the parking lot. He could see her already sitting in the Escape, resolve set on her face, hands clenched on the wheel…awaiting his arrival on the scene. She was so damn hot when she was immersed in detective mode! He almost hated to deny her the thrill of the chase but he was tired of game playing. Their constant need to one up the other, try to keep things inside, was no small part of their problem. If they were going to have any kind of relationship, all the cards needed to be on the table. Taking a breath he prepared to make his grand entrance on the stage. Sneaking around the side, he faked calm as he opened the door with a flourish. "Ready, Sugarpuss?"

He had to turn his head and clamp his lips together when he reached for the seatbelt to keep himself from laughing at her reaction. In spite of everything that could potentially go wrong, this could be an entertaining afternoon. Teeth clenched, she sighed and they moved on their way.

He hoped she wouldn't leave him stranded there as he entered the 7-11. "Hey Raul," he called out, "any peppered beef jerky?"

With a big smile Raul pulled it from behind the counter. "I saved some for you."

After picking up some drinks, he made his way back to Veronica impatiently waiting in the lot, fingers tapping on the wheel. She begrudgingly took the water from his hand. He was rather relieved she picked the plastic water bottle. At least if she lost control and hit him over the head it wouldn't do the damage the glass bottled ice tea would. After pulling out he informed her he did not need to make the next stop this week, to just head downtown. He could see her squirm at the mention of the bookstore. He couldn't wait to give her his little gift.

"What in the hell are you up to Echolls?" He checked the timer on his watch and he was surprised to see that she had held out so long. This had to be a new record for her. As they drove he explained that since she was going to stalk him, the least he could do was save her the trouble of keeping up. "I'm actually surprised it took you this long to notice I left on Fridays. I've been expecting you for a good month now." With that they arrived at the next stop.

As he exited the car he noticed she made no move to follow. He walked over and opened her door. Taking her hand they entered the building. He loved the feel of her tiny hand tucked in his. He felt like she was somehow transferring a small portion of her strength to him through their entwined fingers. He would never admit it but it was nice to finally have someone there beside him. After exchanging pleasantries with George, he tugged a dumbfounded Veronica up the stairs.

This was the moment he had been dreading. As he tugged her toward the probation office he could see the expression of disbelief enter her eyes. He could feel those same eyes boring into him as he signed in and said his weekly hellos. They made their way down the hall to Jack's office.

"Logan. Good to see you made it without having to make any extra stops this week. Who is the pretty young lady with you?"

Logan rolled his eyes. 'I talk about Veronica every week. Then, I show up here holding a girl's hand, who does he think it could be?' Hoping to draw upon her strength he lightly squeezed Veronica's hand. 'Here goes pal…your moment of truth has arrived.'

"No extra stops needed this week. Jack this is Veronica Mars. Veronica, this is Jack Coleman…my probation officer." There it was, the truth was out there, consequences be damned. 'Whoever said confession was good for the soul was full of shit! Maybe I should take out a billboard. Hi my name is Logan and I'm a screw up.'

"You're on Probation? For what?" Veronica exclaimed.

'Wow, Mars way to state the obvious! What kind of detective are you? I would have thought the words Probation Office on the door would have been a clue. Did she think I come here for the fun and games? This is certainly not the time to get snarky Echolls. You've got some 'splainin' to do Lucy!'

"Your buddy Leo busted me for being drunk and disorderly and resisting arrest last summer. Now, if you'll have a seat, Jacky boy here and I have to go in another room so I can piss in a cup and he can watch to make sure it's really me doing it. Jack here has agreed to let you read the arrest record while we're gone if you want the details." Leaving the room Logan wanted to smack himself upside the head. 'That was a party killer. Was I on crack when I allowed her to come here? Did I think she was going to get turned on by the fact I have to piss in front of another guy every week? Good one Echolls, you're a friggin' mastermind.'

He could barely keep his mind on the questions Jack asked, for trying to determine her frame of mind. 'What thoughts are going through that pretty little head? Is she trying to figure out how fast to dump my ass?' She was better at masking emotions than he was. A match made in heaven. He nearly smirked at the thought.

She waited till they were back in the car to speak. "Why didn't you tell me? Didn't you trust me to understand?" Ahh…trust or the lack thereof…it was the issue that haunted their relationship more than Lilly, Aaron, and Duncan combined. It was the one thing that could sink their chance of getting an honest shot at happiness.

He tried to gauge her mind-set but all he could see was the doubt creeping into her eyes. He tried to explain his thoughts but felt he was coming off as more of an ass by the second. "Can we get going? I can't be late to my next appointment or it'll involve a 10 minute lecture about courtesy and the importance of time management. Believe me, it's not a speech I need to hear again."

The silence hung in the air like a fog smothering the city as they drove. 'I don't think I've ever been around Mars this long without her talking. That can't possibly be a good sign. I knew I should have just kept my mouth shut. I've royally screwed this up. To top it off now I have to go sit with Billy who already thinks, hell she knows, I'm cracked. Whoever coined the phrase "thank god it's Friday" never had Fridays like this!'

As they made their way to Billy's office Veronica remained silent. He could feel his strength waning as he noted the lack of the hand he had held just a short time before. As he introduced the two he noticed Veronica eyeing Billy strangely. 'Did I just see a hint of jealousy in her eyes? This is great…she thinks I'm hot for my therapist. Billy is beautiful but the woman thinks I'm nuts and lectures me like a mother. 'It's kind of an attraction killer.' Rubbing his forehead at the pain he felt building there, he wondered if this could go any worse. He was snapped back to reality by Billy calling his name.

As he showed Veronica to the waiting room he decided to give her an easy out. "You don't have to wait here. I'm going to be in there for a good hour. I can just grab a cab when I'm done."

"I'm not going anywhere Logan. I think it's great that you're getting help. What made you decide to go into therapy?"

Wow! That was not the reaction he had been expecting. His heart was beating so fast he was afraid he was going to pass out. Did she really say what he thought she did? His vocal cords froze and he felt like they were strangling him. It took him a few tries to get the words out. "It wasn't really my choice. This is another condition of my probation. If I do the therapy and attend the probation meetings for 9 months, the judge will dismiss all the charges. Seemed like a pretty good deal at the time. Cliff told me I should take it and shut up."

His mention of Cliff took her off on a whole other tangent. He could feel the tension in his shoulders dissipate as he explained how Cliff had become involved and how he hadn't wanted to use Aaron's attorneys for fear of them ratting on him.

He could feel some of the wounds on his heart heal at her next words. "I should have come to see you. I'm sorry I wasn't there to help you." Those words forced him to acknowledge that he needed her in his life and her feelings were real. She was not there out of some foolish sense of guilt or obligation. If he pushed her away now his heart would never survive.

He knew deep down that had she offered last summer he would have turned her away. He had needed to that time alone to prove to himself that he was capable of standing on his own. "No need to be sorry. I wouldn't have taken your help at that point if you'd offered."

Reaching out for her hands he took them and kissed her forehead. Her skin was so soft and sweet against his lips. He caught a quick whiff of her perfume. It was a clean, crisp scent that reminded him of the Irish coastline. Remembering the beauty and wildness of it he thought the scent complemented her well. "You're here now. That's all that really matters."

"So…that's the infamous Veronica Mars. She's a very pretty girl. I get the feeling she doesn't like me though."

"Uh, I wouldn't take it personally. I don't think she's real comfortable around therapists. What's more she was a little upset with me when we got here."

Billy noticed that Logan's would glance at her for just a second and then his eyes were off darting around the room. She knew he wasn't that interested in the pictures of lighthouses adorning her walls. His refusal to look right at her was always a sign he wasn't telling her something but she'd get back to that in a minute. "Has she had a bad experience with therapists?"

"Ummm. I know she wasn't too fond of the counselor at school. Other than that I don't know if she's had much contact with any therapists."

Billy knew he was hiding something she wasn't sure what it was but she was tired of watching his eyes bounce around the room. "Logan. Logan! Look at _me_…at me not at the wall the ceiling or whatever…look at _me_." Finally his eyes settled on her. "What aren't you telling me?" He turned a faint shade of pink and mumbled something. "I can't hear you when you mumble."

"Uh...hmmm, I'm not sure but I think she was a little jealous."

Billy sat back in her chair. That was not the answer she had been expecting. A small smile tugged at her lips. "Why would she be jealous?"

"I don't think she was expecting a female therapist. She probably thought Billy was a guy's name."

"Didn't you explain all this before you brought her here?"

"I didn't exactly tell her where we were coming. She was getting ready to follow me again so I climbed in her car and told her where to drive." He shuffled his feet and looked down at the floor, a signal of growing embarrassment.

"Basically, you hijacked her and dragged her along with you this afternoon without telling her a thing."

"I guess if you want to get rudimentary that would sum it up." His cockiness always returned swiftly.

"We've talked about this kind of thing before. You need to talk with people, not just move things around to suit your wants and needs."

"I know. I'm trying to control that impulse but after 18 years it's hard to change overnight." He shrugged in acknowledgement.

"Try harder. Cliff said he has the meetings with Aaron and the district attorney set up for next Thursday. Are you ready for it?" she asked worriedly.

"Ready? No, but I'm not sure I ever will be. I don't really see the point in talking to the district attorney. What good is hearing about what a bastard Aaron is supposed to help his case? It's not like I have any evidence about he and Lilly."

She was worried they may have pushed him into this too soon. He looked like he was going to be sick just thinking about it. "Maybe we should push the meetings back a few weeks. This doesn't have to be done immediately. Or we could split the meetings up. It would probably be better if they weren't on the same day."

"No!" he exclaimed vehemently. "I want them done and I want them done as soon as possible. If I don't do this now, I will never do it and I won't separate the days. I'm not dragging this hell out any longer than necessary. After Thursday, I won't have to deal with Aaron unless it's to testify…and that includes having to dredge up old memories for the D.A."

"OK. It's strictly up to you. Have you thought about what you're going to say to Aaron?"

He stretched out in the old leather chair feet in front of him, hands linked behind his head. "I thought I'd make sure he knows that I have my hands on all the money he stashed in my name. That should really frost him." A small smile, the first since the session had started, tugged at his mouth. "Then, I thought I'd ask him if fucking my girlfriend was worth prison. I'd sure hate to think he ended up in jail for an average fuck."

"There's no need to be crude Logan. If you're going only to taunt Aaron then there is really no point."

"Taunting him is merely a fringe benefit. I want some answers. I need to know why he was such a bastard to me. I need to know why he had an affair with Lilly. I want to know if my mother knew…I need to know if that's why she jumped off the bridge," he finished softly.

They continued to talk for most of the session about what he was going to ask/tell Aaron. She offered some ideas of things to say and how to maintain a calm demeanor. "Don't allow him to provoke you. He would only be trying to bait you. You need to distance yourself as much emotionally as you can from the situation. Try to act as much like an objective observer as you can. Treat this like a newspaper interview, nothing more."

Logan wasn't sure if he was going to be able to remain objective but he would give it his best shot. He hoped he would be able to step back and not let Aaron goad him into something stupid but he'd spent most of his life trying to piss Aaron off.

"Is Veronica going with you?"

'Is she insane? Take my girlfriend to see my murderous father who tried to flambé her once already! That would make taking her to my probation and therapy appointments today look like a prom date.' He shook his head sharply. "No. I'm pretty sure she doesn't want to exchange pleasantries with the man who tried to kill her once. Moreover, I haven't even told her I'm going."

Billy shook her head. "I wasn't talking about taking her in the room with you. I was thinking more that having her waiting outside could be a comfort. I would really rather you didn't go alone. You should at least ask her to meet you after you've finished with the D.A.," she paused briefly. "Logan, I know you want to do this without involving Veronica or anyone else for that matter but you're going to need someone to talk to when it's over. She's the only person in your life right now you'll talk to."

"I'll tell her tonight about what I'm planning to do. I have a feeling we're going to be having a very long talk on a plethora of subjects tonight." He paused to grin wickedly, "I also need to give her the very special present I bought her last week."

Walking back to Veronica's Escape, he was relieved to once again be holding her hand. It was startling how something so small and soft could provide him with so much comfort.

Their next stop was Cliff's. Veronica again waited in the lobby while he signed papers regarding his visit with Aaron next week. Cliff also informed him that the last money transfer had gone through and suggested the name of a financial advisor to consult. Cliff was trying to make sure Logan didn't burn through his money within a few years like so many kids before. His business concluded with Cliff in about twenty minutes and then he and Veronica were on their way again.

She asked if he really had to stop at the grocery store or if he'd just done that knowing she was following him. When he answered, she seemed surprised by his response. "Friday is grocery shopping day and I like the market between Cliff's and my place the best. They have the best produce."

"You shop for produce? I would have thought Mrs. Navarro or one of the other staff would do the shopping."

He explained that Mrs. Navarro and a few yardmen were the only staff left. He admitted that he only shopped because the housekeeper refused. He managed to sweet talk her into cooking a few nights a week but he couldn't talk her into doing the actual shopping. "Mrs. Navarro and I work out a menu each week for the nights that she cooks and then she gives me a list of what I need to get at the store."

Grocery shopping with Veronica was actually pleasurable. She taught him the proper way to pick out fruits and vegetables when he confessed that he usually just grabbed the ones that didn't look too bruised or smell funky. She teased him mercilessly about his affinity for Cup O' Noodles and Spaghettio's. He in turn accused her of being a freak that gets off by feeling up fruits and vegetables. She threw a plum at his head in retaliation.

Once they arrived at Logan's, he was pleasantly surprised when Veronica offered to cook dinner so Mrs. Navarro could go home early. During dinner, he opened up to her about what he'd learned from his therapy and probation. He admitted that he was thinking about staying in therapy even after he was released by the court. Privately, he confessed to himself he was afraid if he quit going he would backslide into being a royal screw up. And it was nice to have someone else show concern for him.

They went out on the patio after dinner to admire the stars. He wasn't very taken aback when she asked him if she could visit the pool house. She explained that she needed to see it one more time to assure herself it was just a room, and not an evil place.

"We can go but there's really nothing to see. I had the place gutted months ago."

"Why did you do that?"

"After the cops were finished tearing the place apart, it was trashed. And what they didn't trash, I did. I went in one day after therapy and lost it. I broke everything that wasn't already broken, I shredded the sheets and the bed, I even busted the sliding glass doors," he shrugged defensively.

He was surprised when she admitted that she could understand his reasons and admitted that she had also wanted to smash the TVs and cameras. He walked her over and flipped on the lights so she could see there was nothing left but a shell, not even the carpet. He found the empty white space rather comforting. All traces of Aaron and what happened there were erased.

"Thank you," she said.

"For what?"

"For coming with me even though I know you really didn't want to. For taking apart this place so it really is just a simple room, not some evil place."

Walking back to the house, she asked, "So what business did Cliff arrange for you?" He tried to think of way around the truth. She must have known that he was contemplating a lie. She warned him, "Don't lie to me Logan." He gave in and told her that Cliff made arrangements for something Billy and everyone thought he should do.

"What is it they want you to do?"

"You aren't going to like it."

"Just tell me."

He could feel the knots forming in his stomach just thinking about it. "They want me to give a statement to the district attorney about what Aaron is really like. And…and they want me to go visit Aaron."


	9. Like Toy Soldiers

_**A/N: If you don't like a little smut, I suggest skipping the beginning half of this chapter.**_

**Chapter 9: Like Toy Soldiers**

"They want you to what?" Veronica yelped. "Are they nuts?"

'Yeah that went over as good as I thought it probably would.' Logan wasn't feeling real optimistic about this plan himself, so he wasn't sure how he was supposed to convince her that it was a good idea. "They think I need to confront him. I have questions I want, no _need_, to have answered and he's the only one who can give me resolution."

Logan wrapped his left arm behind her back; fingers entwined, and brushed wisps of hair fighting to escape her ponytail back from her face with his right. He could feel her tremble slightly. He hated that the mere mention of seeing Aaron had caused her body to shake and her face to visibly pale. If there was anything within his power to remove that fear, he would without a second thought.

"Couldn't you just write him a letter?" she rationalized. "And why does the district attorney need you to talk with him? It's not like you have any evidence to give them about Lilly and Aaron…do you?"

"Somehow I don't think Aaron's going to become my pen pal. Can you really see him sitting down to write a letter to me? I can see it now 'Dear Son, You worthless little bastard. I always knew you were nothing but trouble and would be the ruination of me. It's entirely your fault that a worthless slut forced me to kill her. Love, Dad'. Now maybe if I were a fan stroking his ego, telling him how wonderful he is and how I know he couldn't have possibly done this without good reason," he finished snarkily. "No. I don't have any evidence about Lilly and Aaron. You know more about that situation than I do. According to the D.A., my statement will add to the character assessment of Aaron. In order to convict him, the jury is going to have to believe he was capable of the crime. His public persona is the one of a good father who adored his children…people are going to have a tough time translating that image into a man capable of cold-blooded murder."

"I'm sorry I wasn't trying to accuse you. I know you don't know anything more about Lilly and Aaron. But what else do you have to tell the D.A.? You already gave them a statement once. I remember hearing parts of it at the arraignment."

He gazed up at the stars and puffed out his cheeks before releasing a breath. "I gave them a very brief statement. It was…not very detailed. I glossed over a lot of the finer points I didn't want them to know." His knees felt a little weak just thinking about it. He wasn't sure if the increased shaking he felt was coming from her or his own body.

"And now suddenly your ready to tell them everything?" she asked skeptically. "Somehow I just don't see you and the D.A. being all chatty."

"Yeah, the D.A. and I, we're real tight, as a matter of fact he and I go golfing every Saturday," he snarked. "I don't want to talk to him but I want to ensure Aaron never gets out of prison more." Sighing, he pressed his lips to her forehead and pulled her tighter into his body. He wished that they could stay there under the stars, the smell of the ocean drifting over them.

"When do you go?"

"Next Friday," he lied. He wondered how bad of a sign it was that he was able to lie so easily about it. He knew she would try to talk him into letting her be there and he didn't want her anywhere near this. As much strength as he receives from her presence, this was one time drawing on it did not feel right. Protecting her was all he wanted to do and this was one instance in which he could actually do that.

"I want to be there. I don't mean I want to go in with you, I'm not confident that I'm up to that, but I want to be there for you when you're finished."

"No V. I would rather you weren't there."

"I want to be there for you," she insisted. As she spoke she ran one hand gently up and down the back of his neck. The sensation made him shiver.

"I appreciate that but it would be a lot of sitting and waiting in lobbies all day. That's not fun for anyone," he said hoping to convince her to drop the idea.

"At least I could be there when you are finished. I could pick you up and we could come home and I would cook dinner for you again," she persuaded.

"I don't know. We'll talk about it next week," he stalled. Arguing wouldn't serve any purpose; he knew she would do what she wanted anyway. The fact that he lied to her about the day made the whole argument moot anyway. By the time she figured out he lied, it would be too late for her to do anything. "Let's not ruin what's left of this night talking about Aaron and the district attorney. Why don't we go back inside? I bought you a present, it's up in my room," he cajoled.

She looked like she wanted to argue some more but apparently decided to let it rest. At the mention of a present, she bit her lip and tried not to look too eager. "A present huh? Girls always like presents."

Seeing her wide-eyed excitement at the thought of a present, he felt bad that he didn't have a nice gift for her, just the joke from last week's stop at the bookstore. Maybe it hadn't been such a terrific plan after all. "It's nothing special," he advised her. Holding her hand, he led her to the bed so she could sit while he got it from his closet. He had taken care to hide it so Mrs. Navarro wouldn't come across it.

Back in the room, he offered her the neatly wrapped box before sitting down next to her. Nervously wiping his hands on his jeans he could only hope that she saw the humor in it. 'Oh man, she's one of those people that examine the package before opening it. Open the damn thing already!'

"There's no way you wrapped this yourself. It's way too neat of a job. Did you get Mrs. Navarro to do it?"

"For your information, I wrapped it myself. I'm perfectly capable of wrapping a present." She gave him her 'yeah right' look. "Seriously! The store didn't have gift-wrapping services and Mrs. Navarro wouldn't do it...believe me I tried to talk her into it," he replied indignantly. "And no just ripping the paper to shreds, it took me 7 tries, with Mrs. N. laughing over my shoulder, to get it right."

Her lips were twitching as he finished his rant. "You did a very nice job, honey. You're learning so much you'll even be able to do your own laundry soon," she teased.

He knew the look he threw her was one of horror. 'Do laundry? Is she out of her mind? Cooking is bad enough; I'm not doing laundry too. I'm starting to feel a little less guilty about the gift now.' Irritably he said, "Would you just open it already?"

She gently unwrapped the present to reveal a plain cardboard box. Glancing at him curiously, she lifted the lid and gasped. "You pig!" She smacked him on the arm. "Is this what you bought at the adult bookstore last week?"

Ducking away before she could hit him again, he tried to control his amusement. Tears of laughter filled his eyes as he watched the horror in her expression grow with each item she pulled out of the box. "I-I thought you-you deserved…some kind of p-p-present for having to f-follow me…" he gasped.

"And you thought handcuffs were a good choice?" she asked dangling them from one finger.

"In your line of work, I thought they might be useful," he reasoned. 'She seems more embarrassed than pissed. I think that's a good sign.'

"PINK FURRY HANDCUFFS? Am I going to laugh them into surrendering?"

"It was that or the zebra stripe but I thought the pink was more you."

Pulling out the other items in the box, she read off, "A pink Love Mask, oh goody it matches the cuffs, chocolate body paint, strawberry whipped cream, a gummy whip, and to top it off…massage oil. Thanks you jerk." By this point, her face was tomato red with embarrassment.

'She's glaring but it's not a death glare. She can't be _too_ angry.' Deciding he was safe from further bodily harm, he approached the bed to sit back down. "I'm sorry. When I saw you following me, I couldn't resist teasing you a little. Then I went inside and saw the cuffs and one thing led to another. I couldn't help myself."

"Yeah, well the next time you get the urge…control it. You're an obnoxious ass. You know that right?"

"I do," he smirked. "But that's why you love me." He grabbed her hand before she could smack him again and pulled her to him. Using the time he had while she was off-guard he undid her ponytail and pulled her across his lap so she was straddling him.

Anchoring his hands in her hair, he pulled her closer for a kiss. Her tongue darted out seeking entrance to his mouth. His hands slipped under her green t-shirt so he could run his fingers over her bare skin. When she moaned into his mouth, his hands crept higher until they teased the edge of her bra. Tearing his mouth away from hers, his lips slid along her jaw before moving to her neck.

One of her hands lay on his shoulder while the other sought the flesh beneath his own t-shirt. "Logannn…"

As if his hands are somehow controlled by the sound of her voice, they shifted up to cup her breasts, squeezing gently. Unfastening her bra he used both hands to push the offending material aside so he could run his hands over her bare breasts, fingers teasing her nipples to hardened tips. "Oh God Veronica. You're so soft." His lips traveled back to hers for another long kiss. This kiss was even wetter and hotter than the one in the foyer.

She tugged at his shirt so she could run her small hands over the planes of his chest. Panting she pulled back to stare in his eyes. After a brief hesitation during which she seemed to make a decision, she reached down and pulled her t-shirt over her head and flung it to the side. Her bra followed right behind. Reaching down, she grasped the edge of his t-shirt to pull it up and tossed it over with hers. "I love your body," she gasped. "It's amazing since you've started lifting weights."

His hands traced over her reverently as he stared at her breasts before looking up into her eyes. "Yours isn't bad either. You are so damn beautiful." Her skin felt like silk against his rough fingers, he imagined he could bruise it by just barely touching her. Leaning forward, his mouth replaced one of his hands on her breast, gently sucking the nipple, batting it with his tongue. He heard her cry out hoarsely and arch her back as if to give him better access. Her movement caused her lower half to rock gently against him, her body seeking the release it knew Logan could grant. Pulling away from her breast he quickly moved to the other one to give it the same treatment. His hands roamed down her back to shape her butt, drawing her as close to him as he could. His hips moved almost of their own volition to grind against her. His mouth moved from her breast down her torso as she bent back in pleasure.

Pulling her back up, he roughly kissed her lips before turning so they were both lying on the bed. One hand traced a line down the center of her torso until it reached the button on her jeans where it hesitated until her hips shifted in invitation. Quickly he unfastened her pants and his hand slid down underneath the scrap of lace she wore, her legs parting to grant him better access. He pulled back to look into her eyes as he moved closer to her heat. He wanted to make certain that she felt pleasure not panic or pain, to make sure this was what she really wanted. His fingers parted her to find she was already wet. Using her moisture to wet his fingers, he moved them to her clit, circling it, pressing against it with his thumb. He watched as her eyes drifted shut and her neck tilted back, her breath was coming in short, ragged gasps. Assured she was enjoying his attentions, he leaned back over to suckle her breasts.

Her hands were roaming over his shoulders, back, and through his hair, clutching his head closer. She moaned his name and he moved to kiss her again while her hands went to work removing his belt and unfastening his pants. When her hand touched him, he felt as though his brain was exploding from the pleasure. He got to his feet abruptly and leaned over to finish removing her jeans and panties. He stood there for a moment just staring at her; he couldn't believe she was finally there in his bed, naked. He removed his pants and was about to remove his boxers when he could have sworn Billy was there screaming in his ear 'She's practically a virgin.' He started as if someone had smacked him.

"Logan is something wrong?"

"No baby I was just admiring how beautiful you are."

'Shit! I wasn't expecting that. God, look at her lying there turning pink in embarrassment. She's so hot. My boxers are going to have to stay on or this will be over before it begins.' He crawled back up beside her and kissed her lips before trailing down her neck to suck on the spot he knew drove her insane.

As he thought about the virgin bit he remembered his own loss of virginity. What a fumbling nightmare that was. He'd been all of fourteen and snuck off to Aaron's trailer with a seventeen-year-old movie extra on whatever crap pile Aaron was filming. It had been quick, embarrassing and meant absolutely nothing. He didn't want that for Veronica. She deserved more and he was determined to give her a special memory.

"What about your boxers?" she whispered.

"They need to stay on right now. I'll take them off soon." Now knowing Aaron's proclivity for underage girls, he wondered if Aaron had also been with the extra. The thought of Aaron having sex with yet another girl Logan had been with was enough to dampen his ardor. 'Now is not the time to be thinking about that Echolls! You have a beautiful, naked girl you love just waiting for you to make love to her and you're imagining your therapist yelling in your ear and Aaron screwing the girl with whom you lost your virginity.' He continued sucking on her neck, running his hands over her body.

Her own hands were all over his body too, cupping him through his boxers, squeezing his butt, tracing the scars on his back. The longer this went on the more his mind would not shut up. He kept hearing Billy and seeing Aaron screwing the seventeen-year-old extra and Lilly. He realized that he couldn't do it. He couldn't make love to her tonight. He didn't want to make things worse, but both emotionally and physically he was not capable. He stopped and lay next to her trying to figure out what to do next.

"Logan?"

He looked into her eyes and pushed the hair away from her face. "What baby?"

"Do you have a…I meant I'm not on…I don't take…" He thought she was adorable, as she turned pink, stumbling over her words.

Grasping what she was trying to say he smiled at her and kissed her forehead. He knew now what to do. "It's alright. We aren't going to do anything that requires any of that."

"We aren't? But…"

"Do you trust me?" He waited until she nodded before smiling again and kissing her. "I'm going to take care of you; I just need you to trust me for a few minutes." Again she nodded. He kissed her and moved his hands back between her legs. Feeling her desire return, his mouth trailed down her body until he reached her thighs. He got off the bed and kneeled next to it; grabbing her legs he parted them and pulled her towards him until her butt was just barely on the bed. He placed a kiss on the inside of each leg before draping them over his shoulders and sliding his hands under her butt to lift her and bring her closer.

"Logan. What are you…?"

Grinning wickedly at her, "Shhh, baby. Trust me." Leaning forward he placed his mouth on her and felt her body jump in surprise. He remembered everything he learned from the extra, Lilly, and a few others to bring her as much pleasure as he could. Using his tongue, his fingers, his nose…he kissed her, sucked her, and licked her until she screamed. When she had calmed down to small tremors, he kissed his way back up her body until he could see her face eyes closed, smile tilting her mouth. He kissed her as he pulled her body against his, sliding his hands soothingly up and down her back.

He moved so he could look at her face, pushing his hands through her hair. "Hi," he said with a grin when she opened her eyes.

She turned a deep shade of pink before burying her face in his neck. "Hi yourself," she muttered against him. "I wasn't expecting to feel like that. It was a little scary."

'She wasn't supposed to be scared. That isn't what I wanted to happen.' Worriedly he said, "I scared you? I sorry I never meant--."

"No, no. I don't mean scared of you." She paused. "I meant the way I felt was kind of scary. I didn't know what to expect. It was like spinning out of control with no way to stop yourself but at the same time not wanting to stop yourself. Does that make sense?"

"It makes sense. I'm glad you were able to have an orgasm," he whispered.

"Logan. Do you want me to…I could…for you…"

He groaned a little at the suggestion. If he took her up on it though, he's pretty sure that's cheating and he's trying to do the right thing. "No. I'm alright."

"I mean you gave me my first orgasm. It doesn't seem fair for you not to have one."

"Giving you pleasure, gives me pleasure. And for tonight that's enough for me. If you touch me, I'm not sure I could stop."

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"For giving me a really great memory."

"My pleasure," he smirked as he kissed the top of her hair.

They lay there in silence for some time sliding their fingers over each other's flesh. After awhile, she propped herself up on her hand to stare down at him. "Not that I'm complaining, because I'm not, but why didn't we…?" Again she trailed off unable to complete the question.

"Make love?" he asked. "I _really, really_ want to make love to you, but neither of us is ready for that yet. In all the ways that matter, you are still a virgin. You deserve more than a rushed first time on my bed when your dad is probably home waiting for you. Believe me, when I finally make love to you, once is not going to be enough…I want to be able to hold you all night and wake up next to you so we can make love again."

"You think you're pretty smart. Did you come up with this all by yourself?"

He laughed heartily at that. "I wish I could take credit but without Billy's assistance I would probably have ripped my pants off and made love to you 10 seconds after we started kissing." She joined him in laughing before she sat up and started looking around. "What are you looking for?"

"My shirt. I'm the only one completely nude here and it's a little embarrassing."

He rolled over and grabbed his shirt from the floor and helped her slip it on. Lying back down, he coaxed her to rest her head on his chest. "What time do you have to be home?"

"Since I think my dad is staying at our place tonight instead of Alicia's, sometime around midnight."

Craning his neck to see the clock, "its 10:43 now. We have a little time before we have to go."

"What do you mean 'we'? I don't need an escort," she replied testily.

"Probably not but A, I do need to go get my SUV and B, I am not letting the woman I love drive herself home alone at midnight. You can drop me off at my SUV and then I'll follow you home, walk you to your door, and give you a chaste kiss before leaving like a good little boy."

"Hmm. You don't have to follow me home but I guess if you _must_ kiss me goodnight, I can deal with it. But a chaste kiss?" she inquired.

"Strictly for your dad's benefit as I'm sure he'll be sitting on the couch waiting for you to get home. If I kissed you like I'll want to, your dad will probably come out and shoot me. I'll give you the kiss I want before we go upstairs," he whispered in her ear.

"Like I said, you think you're smart…but in this case you're probably right. Oh no, what about my 'gift'? I can guarantee if I take that home and my dad finds it, it won't be pretty."

"Then I guess you'll have to leave it here and come over when you want to use any of it." He gave her a wicked grin when she smacked him again. This led to another round of making out but it was cut short, as she needed to go home. As promised, he gave her a steamy kiss next to her Escape and a properly chaste kiss at the door.

Saturday Logan called Veronica to ask her out on a real date. When he came to pick her up, he brought a bouquet of flowers composed of purple asters and white daisies. He gave them to her and whispered in her ear that these were a real gift, one that she could show her dad. She blushed and turned away to hide her smile.

She was dressed in one of her killer skirts and a v-neck blouse with a cardigan. 'I wonder if she's wearing the sweater to hide the bruises on her arm.' When he had helped her dress the night before, he noticed the bruises on her left arm in the shape of fingers. He was going to apologize when he realized they were not fresh. He was about to demand she tell him who did it when he remembered Duncan grabbing her on Monday. He wanted to ask her why she hid them but realized she was protecting him from freaking out and beating the shit out of Duncan. Not wanting to spoil the evening, nor upset her, he didn't let her know he had seen them.

However, that morning he'd gone over to the Kanes' house and as soon as Celeste and Jake left for the club he knocked on the door. Before Duncan could say a word, Logan laid him out flat with one punch. He then warned Duncan that if he touched Veronica again, much less left a mark on her, he'd be back and do a hell of a lot worse. Duncan had just lain there and stared at Logan in shock as he turned and left.

Shaking off the memory, he led her out for their first official date. They went to a nice Italian restaurant for dinner and for a walk on the beach. With Veronica sitting between his legs, leaning back against his chest, they sat on the beach and talked. She asked about how he could afford to live in his house when most of Aaron's assets were frozen. He explained about the accounts in his name and how the lawyer had convinced the judge that someone should stay on the property. He had thought about finding a new place but decided he wouldn't give the Kanes or Aaron the satisfaction of seeing him displaced. Also, it reminded him of his mother and he wasn't ready to leave those memories behind. He asked her about her mother and if she liked Alicia. Around midnight, after a steamy encounter in his back seat, he dropped her off at the door again with a chaste kiss.

Wednesday Veronica brought up joining him on Friday. He was stunned that she'd made it that long without bringing it up. Again, he vehemently refused. He told her Cliff was going with him on both trips and explained that there was no need for her to come along, he wouldn't be alone. She still wanted to go and they ended up having a big fight in the parking lot after school until he finally got in his SUV and left. He was not surprised when she showed up at his place after dinner. He'd given her the gate code so she just let herself in and she found him in the gym. Before they picked up where they had left off at school she agreed to drop the possibility of going if he agreed to call her on his way home so she could come over.

Later, when she was getting ready to leave he told her, "I won't be at school in the morning. I have a few appointments, including one with Billy. I should probably be in sometime after lunch." He hoped that would cover him not being there for a few hours before she got suspicious. By the time she figured out that he lied, his visit would be over and he might even be home. She was going to be mad as hell at him but he could deal with that easier than he could her presence all day.

That night he worked out until he was exhausted, hoping he would fall into bed and not dream. Unfortunately, he was only asleep about an hour when the nightmares began. All of his nightmares seemed to converge into one. He dreamt about Lilly dead by her pool, Veronica trapped in the freezer, and his father telling him he was worthless. They changed and he was in the freezer and the flames were consuming it when he finally jerked awake. Laying there his breath ragged as he gasped for air, he could feel the sweat trickle down his back, the clamminess of his wet sheets soaked in sweat. As he climbed out of the bed, he could hear the grandfather clock striking 1 AM. 'I hate that stupid clock. I would like to shove it up Aaron's ass. Maybe they would let me put it in his cell so he can hear it chime and be constantly reminded of time slipping away.'

Arriving at the district attorney's office, Logan felt nauseous and wanted to turn and run. Had Cliff not been standing there, he might very well have turned tail like the wimp Aaron always accused him of being. As Cliff and the D.A. laid down ground rules, the sound was like a buzzing in the background. He had no idea what was said. He nodded when prompted by Cliff but all he could think was how much he wished he were drunk. It would be a hell of a lot easier to relive the memories if he had a few sips from his flask. He almost told them to get him good and drunk and then he'd tell them anything they want to hear about Aaron. But being drunk wasn't an option; neither was having a soft, tiny hand tucked in his.

He had told her not to come and he didn't want her to hear everything he had to say, but for a moment, he wished he could feel her hand in his, feel some of her strength flowing through to his heart. It was distressing enough that she knew that Aaron had abused him; he didn't want her haunted with the graphic details. It was hard enough for him to live with what happened.

For two and a half hours, he answered the D.A.'s questions. He told the story of the first beating with a belt that he remembered (age four - he spilt red Kool-Aid on the white living room carpet), the time his father held his hand against a hot burner (age nine he tried to cook himself breakfast and burned the counter with a hot pan), being locked in a closet for three hours (age five - he had hidden from the nanny at bath time), being kicked down the stairs which ended in a broken arm and a concussion (age eight - he saw his father kissing another woman upstairs during a party). The stories continued of beatings too numerous to count and too many other punishments that a child should never even know about much less experience.

He told of being taken to different doctors and hospitals so they weren't suspicious of his injuries, his mother sitting in the living room listening to Aaron beat him with the belt Logan was made to pick out himself. He learned early not to cry for it only gave Aaron more satisfaction. The first time Aaron made him pick a belt (at age seven) he'd been so scared, he wretched in the hallway. Aaron had laughed and made him clean it up after the beating.

The D.A. asked him why he never told anyone. He laughed bitterly. "I tried to tell Trina once and she accused me of being a liar and told Aaron what I said. He threw a knife at me and told me next time he wouldn't miss. The housekeepers and nannies knew but they weren't going to go against him. Nobody was going to believe Aaron Echolls, famous actor and devoted family man, was capable of such acts."

By the time he left the D.A., it was almost eleven and he hadn't eaten but he was anything but hungry. He had felt the bile building all morning so there was no way he could keep food down, he could barely stomach the water Cliff forced on him. He wondered vaguely if Veronica was getting suspicious about his absence yet.

The buzzing would not leave his ears; he could vaguely hear Cliff saying something about having to check in with his secretary. He told Logan to get some lunch and meet him at the prison at 1:30. The sun was cheery and bright, shining down on him in direct contrast to the darkness and evil he felt moving through his body. Remembrance of the abuse was like a poison flowing through his body coating the good parts with its evil. He tried desperately to think of Veronica, her smile, her laugh, her moaning while he touched her…anything good to grasp onto so the dark would not overtake him.

He got to the prison by 12:55 and sat in his car waiting for Cliff to arrive. Part of him desperately wanted to turn and leave and part of him wanted to go in there and kill the bastard. He picked up his cell phone while waiting and called Veronica. He knew it was safe as her phone would be off while she was in class. "Hey V," he paused as he took a breath and tried to steady his voice, "I'm not feeling well so I won't be in today. My stomach is killing me; maybe it's my cooking. I'll talk to you tomorrow. I love you V." To his surprise, hearing her voice on her message steadied him a little…like she had reached out and squeezed his hand. Seeing Cliff pull into the parking lot he drew a deep breath and got out of his car.

They checked in and were shown to the waiting room. While sitting there Logan turned to Cliff, "Will he be in cuffs? Will he be allowed to touch me?"

"He will be in handcuffs. He won't be able to touch you. If he tries to come near you, the guards have been instructed to stop him. I don't think you need to worry about him trying to attack you Logan." Cliff shot him a look filled with sympathy tinged with worry.

"I'm not worried about him trying to attack me. I just don't want him touching me. If he comes near me, I'm not sure I'll be able to stop myself from trying to kill him." In his eyes was a deadly calm Cliff had seen too many times in his defendants.

He wondered for the thousandth time if they had done the right thing convincing Logan to come visit. He knew the boy needed this confrontation in the long run but he worried that it was too soon; the boy didn't seem as stable as he would have liked him to be. Maybe waiting a few more months would have been better. Before he could reflect on it anymore, the guards were leading Aaron into the room.

"Logan. God it's so good to see you. I've missed you son." Aaron raised his hands to wave at Logan as he entered. He started across the room making as if to hug Logan but the guards grabbed him and shoved him in a chair across the table from Logan.

"Sit down. You were told, no touching Echolls," the deep voiced guard reminded him.

"I just wanted to hug my son; it's been months since I've seen him. How have you been son? How is school?" Aaron spoke like their meeting in prison was a common, everyday occurrence, like he had just been away on vacation for a few days.

Logan didn't think anything Aaron said could surprise him but he had been wrong. "How have I been? How is school? How in the fuck do you think I've been? School is an endless joy, nothing like having a family member turn out to be a psychotic murderer to really up your popularity quotient." He all but spit the words at Aaron. He could feel all the anger and hatred he'd felt over the last eighteen years flow through him.

"Now son, calm down. I've tolerated your attitude these last few months but I have my limits. I didn't do it son. I know I shouldn't have had an affair with Lilly, and I'm sorry that it hurt you, but I didn't kill her." He reached across the table to grab one of Logan's hands but Logan jerked them back before contact was made.

"Don't even say her name. You don't have that right. So your story is that you fucked her but didn't kill her. Geez Aaron, I would think you and your lawyers could come up with something better than that by now," he snarked. "But hey I guess this is prison and everyone's innocent here, right? You were just framed? I suppose Veronica, her dad, and the other guy all made up the story of you locking her in a freezer and setting it on fire."

"I understand you're mad but I won't tolerate this attitude. Veronica. That little cu-."

"Shut up Aaron! Don't you say another word about her! If you say her name or anything about her again, I swear I will kill you," he gritted out between his teeth. Logan was trying desperately to keep in mind everything Billy had told him about disassociating and remaining calm. But Aaron talking about Lilly and Veronica was making it almost impossible for him to remain even vaguely composed.

"You're fucking the little bitch aren't you? I should have known the little slut would spread her legs and you'd turn your back on your father. I realize you think you love her, like you thought you loved Lilly, but they're users. I love you and you'll soon realize that family is what's important. I was trying to protect you by not telling you about Lilly." Aaron sounded so sincere when he talked about loving Logan. The only thing keeping Logan from leaping across the table and going for Aaron was Cliff's grip on his jacket and the fact he still wanted answers.

Clapping his hands as if in appreciation, "Really Aaron you should almost win an Oscar for that performance as the caring, loving father. But your actions to the contrary over the years make that performance a little unbelievable. I mean does a loving father really beat his son, kick him down the stairs, and lock him in closets?"

"You were always an ungrateful little brat," Aaron spat. "You were always a handful. I did everything for you that I possibly could and you didn't appreciate any of it. I gave you nice things and you ruined or broke them. I had to teach you lessons when you misbehaved. I didn't do anything to you that you didn't deserve."

As Logan looked at Aaron, he could swear he saw the madness deep in his eyes. He had always known there was something wrong with his father but he'd never grasped the depth of the insanity. Aaron's statement answered his question about whether his father had ever loved him or felt guilty. He wanted to walk out then but he still had questions to ask. "Did Mom know about you and Lilly? Did she know that you killed Lilly?"

"Your mother did find out about the relationship with Lilly. She threw it in my face the night before she…died. She accused me of hurting Lilly but I swear I didn't do it. You have to believe me Logan. I would never hurt you like that."

Logan wondered how long Aaron had rehearsed to sound so remorseful and sincere. Someone who didn't know better might actually believe him. The thought of a jury buying that line of crap gave him the chills. He would be damned if Aaron got away with murder.

"Do you need anything son? Barry hasn't said much other than the fact you were still living in the house. How are you surviving? Has Barry set you up with an allowance?"

Realizing Aaron didn't know about the accounts gave Logan a certain amount of joy. He leaned back in his chair, a grin tilting his lips for the first time that day. "Well Aaron, it turns out there was quite a chunk of money in accounts with my name on them. It was a shocker; let me tell you, I didn't know I was that much of a saver? But since it is _my_ money I moved it from around the world to Neptune for my expenses. I mean with all your assets frozen I would have been broke, but now I'm set."

Aaron's face went past red to purple as he realized Logan had found the money and taken it. He felt his last possible hope of controlling him slipping away. He also knew he'd never get that money back even if he got out of prison.

To turn the knife a little more Logan continued, "Oh yeah. It turns out Trina was quite a saver herself. Of course, she took hers and left the country. According to the tabloids she's having a gay old time with her latest boy toy in the Caribbean. I'm sure she misses and thinks of you often," he finished on a smirk.

Aaron finally lost all grip on his demeanor. Standing up he started screaming. "You little bastard! I knew I should have made your mother get an abortion. I used to wish you would walk in while I was fucking Lilly. You would have realized what a whore the worthless little bitch was. She laughed about the fact she was screwing around on you. She thought it was funny. Too bad I didn't have more time with Veronica. Maybe I could have gotten her out in the pool ho-."

The mention of Aaron touching Veronica ripped away his rationality. Before the guards or Cliff realized what was happening, he leaped across the table and started choking Aaron. He could hear chairs being flung aside and felt hands trying to pull him off Aaron. It took both guards and Cliff to pull him off Aaron who was now gasping on the floor.

"You are never getting out of here you bastard. I'm going to watch them slide that needle in and I'll laugh. Do you hear me, you bastard? I'll be front row to catch that performance. If they ever think of letting you out of here I will kill you. Either way, I'm going to watch you die." Logan was dragged kicking and screaming out of the room by the guards who had been watching from the outside.


	10. A Soft Place To Fall

_**Note:** Sorry for the delay getting this posted but I had major computer issues and had to reformat my hard drive. Thankfully this was one of the few things I had backed up on disk. The next chapter may take a little longer than hoped due to this problem but hopefully not too long._

_**rhapsodysenigma -** The title for the last chapter came from the Martika song "Toy Soldiers" which is where the Eminem song came from. I normally don't like to use song titles but that song would not get out of my head when I wrote that chapter and it just seemed to fit. Same with thing happened with this chapter. Can anyone guess where this title came from:)_

**Chapter 10: A Soft Place To Fall**

At eight o'clock in the evening Logan found himself curled up with a bottle of tequila on the beach under the Coronado Bridge. This time he was determined not to be found by Veronica, the press or anyone else, so the railing wasn't an option. He wasn't sure what it was that kept drawing him back to the bridge when his life was falling apart. Did he feel comfort being near his mother's final resting spot or was it a sort of penance for sins committed and those yet to be perpetrated? It was a comforting embrace and a kick to the head simultaneously.

After he'd attacked Aaron, the guards had taken him to a separate room and would not let him leave until he had calmed down. They had left him alone for awhile during which he paced, kicked the table and chairs, and punched the wall. He knew they were watching him from another room and he imagined he looked like a wild animal waiting to attack. On one of Aaron's movie shoots in Indonesia, when he was a child, his mother had taken him to an animal park. In one part of the park they had various baby animals shackled so the tourists could take pictures with them. His mother would only let him take a picture with the baby tiger because it was sedated and non-threatening, but he really wanted one with the baby jaguar. It had been striding around, growling as loud as he could, letting his displeasure at being on display be known. He couldn't help but to recall the kinship he felt with the jaguar back then; it was the same feeling he had pacing about the room.

After he calmed down and was simply walking back and forth, running his hands through his hair, Cliff joined him in the room. Cliff convinced him to let the infirmary bandage his bleeding knuckles saying that they could head home afterward. As they were getting ready to leave the Warden warned them that the press had been tipped off and were amassed outside. Logan let out a string of curses but calmed himself down enough to put on the stone face he'd been taught to show the press. He was not going to give them the pleasure of capturing another meltdown like they had on the day of his mother's funeral.

Leaving the prison, he felt so disconnected from his surroundings he barely even noticed what was happening. He felt like everything was coming apart and each step was sinking him deeper in quicksand that wanted to pull him under. Cliff repeatedly told the press there would be no statement at this time and they should back off. The effort it took to present a normal façade and not sink to the ground left Logan shaking so badly by the time he settled in the driver's seat, he could barely get the keys in the ignition. Squealing out of the lot, he headed for Neptune and found himself back in the same dodgy liquor store as the last time, again buying a bottle of Patron Tequila. His little voice of reason which had stopped him from drinking last time could not penetrate his fog. He was too far over the edge to care what it could do to his probation or worse what it could do to his relationship with Veronica.

He had ditched his SUV down around the Camelot so he could not be tracked through it. At this point in the evening he was so drunk, he could barely see, much less remember silly details such as how he came to be there. He looked down and noticed the bottle of tequila was half empty but after months of sobriety, he unable to drink anymore. His choices were either to curl up and pass out here or find a way home. Stumbling to his feet, he made it about three steps before the Tilt-A-Whirl his stomach was riding caused him to be sick. He wasn't sure quite how he could heave that much considering the only thing in there at this point was alcohol.

Curling up on the sand, he wished Veronica was there to hold him and regretted lying to her about the day of his visit. There were few times in Logan's life where he had felt truly safe. When he was a little boy and his father was away on a shoot, his mother would let him sleep with her. She would wrap her arms around him from behind and pull him tight to her, assuring him that he was safe. She would whisper stories about magical kingdoms, great princes, and beautiful princesses; fairy tales that Aaron had a ripped away from him years before children should have to lose those dreams. He quickly learned his life was anything but a fairy tale but he had clung to the memory of his mother's sheltering arms and her soft voice whispering in his ear. During many beatings those memories were the only thing that kept him sane. It was the remembrance of those times that prevented him from hating her in later years as she stood by and let the abuse continue.

He had never been able to recapture that feeling of safety and love until Veronica held him. He had tried with Lilly but he always knew in the back of his mind that if the chips were down Lilly wouldn't stick around to see the outcome. When Veronica's small hand squeezed his or her arms wrapped around him, he felt like nothing could hurt him. He knew that she protected those she cared about with everything she had. She might be tiny but she projected the strength of a giant.

"Boo hoo! Oh quit feeling sorry for yourself already! Sheesh, so your father was an asshole, get over it. When did you decide drowning in whiny, self-pity was attractive?"

Jerking his head up, Logan looked in the direction of the voice. At first his vision was blurred so badly he couldn't see anything other than white skin and blonde hair. He was afraid Veronica had found him but with a few blinks his vision finally cleared enough for him to see that it was Lilly sitting cross-legged on the sand. "Shit, I am way beyond wasted. I'm having friggin' hallucinations."

Waving his words away with her hand Lilly responded, "You think I'm a figment of your imagination? You know that's not true Logan." She sat there silently, tilting her head to the side reminding him of Veronica when she wanted something, blonde hair blowing in the breeze. From his prone position he looked at his bottle wondering what the hell had been in it. Not realizing he had said that aloud, he was surprised when she rolled her eyes and continued, "There was nothing in your drink other than a lot of alcohol. I'm here because you're acting like an idiot. I'm supposed to be enjoying my afterlife but no all of you have to keep doing stupid things and forcing me to come back."

He snorted with laughter at that. "I'm acting like an idiot! I'm not the one who had an affair with an older man and got murdered. And if the dead come back to help the people they love then why hasn't Mom shown up? Have you seen her?"

"I was who I was and there wasn't anything you or anyone else could do to change that. As for your mom, I'm not the one who can answer those questions for you." He wanted to know who could answer his questions but she just shrugged and gave him a sad little smile.

"I miss her so much you know." He realized that Lilly was not going to give him any answers so he might as well drop the subject. In her low-cut red, sweater and hip-hugger jeans, she looked in death exactly how she had in life. He still thought she was one of the most beautiful girls he had ever seen and let her know it.

"Thank you. One thing about death, I'll never grow old and fat. But what's with the video of me by the pool when I look like hell! There are so many other pictures they could show, but _noooo_, it's always me with the ghastly hair and blood all over the place. What is that?" She paused a beat, "Now I'm just one of the most beautiful girls? You used to think I was the most beautiful, but now I'm just one of many? Man, that sucks!"

"You'll always be in the top five." He smirked at her knowing that would piss her off even in death.

"Top five! Are you kidding? I still think I should be number one but I guess since I'm dead I could settle for number two. Top five…I should leave your sorry ass lying there alone."

"Ah, don't be mad Lilly. You will always be my first love." He had accepted the truth that as mad as he got when he thought about her and Aaron, Lilly would always own a little piece of real estate in his heart.

She leaned forward, placing her elbows on her knees and gave him a patented Lilly smile. "So who's number one? Bet I can guess. Would it be Veronica Mars perhaps?"

Scowling, he looked down at the sand drawing in it with his fingers. "What, now that you're dead you know all? Is that how death works?"

She shrugged unconcernedly. "I know more things, but I hardly know everything. I don't know how it all works, but who cares. Come on, let's get to the good stuff, I want the scoop on you and Veronica. I have to tell you that one was a shocker. I never would have imagined you two would get together but dang those are some serious sparks you two put off there. It's amazing your house hasn't spontaneously combusted. I must have rubbed off more than I thought, who knew she had it in her? I'm impressed."

"Geez. Do you watch everything we do?"

"No I merely catch bits and pieces but when you practically set your house on fire kissing in the foyer, I'm bound to notice. Now come on, give me some dirt. Donut would never say much. He would only talk about how sweet and innocent she was and how much he loved her. Yuck. How boring…we were never boring were we?"

"No, we were never boring. And I'm not telling you about Veronica." He paused, contemplating what to ask her next. "So…are you upset about Veronica and me?"

She laughed heartily. "Are you kidding? I think it's hilarious. The good little princess with the rich bad boy...its so cliché that it's perfect. I never would have anticipated you and the old Veronica together, but she fits you well now. She's got more fire and won't take your crap. I admit I'm a little jealous. I always thought she needed a little more backbone but I never would have thought she get one made of steel. I like Veronica 2.0. I can just imagine the trouble we could have gotten ourselves into."

"I am sure that would have been quite a show. I'm not sure which I would have bet on to get into more?" She stuck out her tongue which caused him to let out a genuine laugh. "She's great but she's definitely not Duncan's Veronica. His girl was all candles, roses, smooth curves and soft music. My woman is dark and light all at once…sharp and cutting if you don't watch what you're doing. Like you and yet not at all like you."

"I'm not sure you meant that as a compliment but I'm taking it as one." She sat there silently watching him, seemingly enjoying the wind moving across her face. "I know you want to ask me about Aaron. I can't tell you why I did it. I was young and stupid, thought I could play with the big boys and found out the hard way that I was no more than a foolish little girl." She shrugged again.

"I'm sorry he hurt you." Tears gathered in his eyes as he remembered the video of her lying there beside the pool.

"It's not your fault. I took a gamble and lost. But speaking of that asshole, how much of your life are you going to let him destroy? He already took your childhood and most of your teens. You want him to have the rest of it too? Are you going to let him ruin your probation and the best relationship you'll ever have? Why don't you go home? She's worried and waiting for you."

"I don't want to go home. I don't want to see her."

"Oh God, are we back to this stupid self-pity? Get over yourself. I'm not here to feel sorry for you. You've been lying here long enough. Get your ass up and go home!"

"I can't go anywhere. I don't have my SUV and I'm fairly sure I couldn't drive even I did."

"Duh…that's what those handy little things called cell phones are for. Do I have to point out everything to you?"

"If you haven't noticed, I'm not exactly drowning in friends willing to take care of my drunk ass. Duncan and I aren't exactly best friends these days."

"I noticed. I'm still a little pissed at you about that. Not to say he didn't deserve it but you didn't have to hit him that hard; he's had a rough time of it too. I wasn't talking about him anyway. Call that lawyer of yours; I'm sure he'll come get you."

He lay there trying to get his fingers to follow his directions and pull out his phone but he muttered one last thing, "I miss you Lilly."

Smiling she leaned closer to him. "Of course you do. I'm a very missable girl but there's another girl made of flesh and blood that needs you. Quit letting Aaron control your life and go home Logan." As his eyes drifted shut he swore he felt her lips on his forehead and heard her voice trailing away, "I miss you too Logan."

He didn't remember having called Cliff but he must have as the lawyer came and woke him up from his alcohol induced nap. As they neared the Echolls' estate, Cliff dropped Logan off so he could sneak over the back wall and avoid the press. He vaguely remembered the lawyer yelling at him about his probation and being stupid but it was drowned out by the tequila pumping through his veins.

Climbing over the wall, he misjudged his position and landed in the midst of one of his mother's prize rose bushes. He crawled out through the mud and stumbled towards the house. Walking across the patio, he glimpsed Veronica sleeping on the couch but not wanting to be deterred he snuck in a side door. An idea had occurred to him as he lay there listening to Lilly on the beach and he was determined to carry it out. He was going to exorcise Aaron from the house and his life once and for all. The plan sounded quite rational to his alcohol soaked brain but perhaps wouldn't have sounded so great to a sober one.

Heading straight for Aaron's study, he pushed open the door and was besieged with memories. Each one was like a wave rushing over him, trying to take him down. This room was nothing more than a self-indulgent shrine to a narcissistic psycho. He had lost count of the number of times he'd stood in that room over the years while Aaron beat him. A feeling of rage, not unlike what he had experienced at the prison, engulfed him.

Glancing around the room, he saw an autographed baseball bat his father cherished. He stalked across the room and ripped it off the wall. Using the bat, he started smashing all of Aaron's self-tributes. He smashed the framed _Hair Trigger_ poster on the wall and a multitude of other crap. He wasn't even aware of Veronica entering the room until she screamed his name. He stumbled a little when he turned around and snarked, "Hey Ronnie. I didn't know you were here. Wanna join the fun?"

"Logan! What are you doing?"

"Presently I'm doing a little redecorating. Do you wanna help?"

Turning away from her look of abject horror, he lifted the bat again and smashed it across the desk. Debris and glass flew everywhere.

"Stop it! Stop it now!"

"Ahhhh…don't be such a buzz kill. You can't tell me you haven't wanted to smash some of his belongings. You said yourself you wanted to destroy the pool house, but it's too late for that. Here's your chance…a whole room full of his ego stroking possessions." He spun around, gesturing wildly at the room as he spoke. He felt dizzy, like the floor beneath him was being ripped away.

With a shaking voice, in an obvious attempt to act normal she said, "Logan let's go sit down in the living room. I know what happened today, let's go talk about it."

"Hmmm…no. I don't think I want to do that," he said shaking his head. "I think I'll stay right here." He paused, staring at her. He wondered what she could possibly see in him. "I hate this fucking room. If I could torch this room and his bedroom, I would. Ya wanna hear why I hate this room so much?" He stopped and waited for her acknowledgement that she wanted to know more. "This room is a shrine to the great Aaron Echolls, actor and family man extraordinaire. If people only knew the truth, they wouldn't think he was that great. This room…this room is where he usually liked to carry out his…_punishment_." He tried to put air quotes around the word punishment but wasn't sure it came out as anything more than a drunken hand motion. "You already know what his punishments entail don't you?" Walking a few steps away he continued, "This is about where I stood after I told the homeless shelter he was donating $500,000. Let me tell you, the expression on his face when I did that was worth every strike of the belt." He stepped over a few inches to the right. "Here is where I stood about an hour before I smashed in your headlights. I'm sure you've already guessed that your little joke resulted in a little more to my punishment than just my car being taken away." He paused again and took a breath willing himself to continue. "You know, he wasn't even pissed that I might be doing drugs. He was only pissed that I had been dumb enough to get caught and it might end up in the tabloids."

He noticed tears were streaming down her face. "I'm sorry Logan. I'm so sorry. I never meant…"

He could feel is heart shredding even more as he watched the tears fall. The fact she would attempt to apologize after everything he had done to her made him feel like an even bigger loser. Walking over he gently ran the back of his hand across her cheek, capturing her tears. So much hurt had passed between them he wasn't sure how they got past it. "Shh. There's no need to be sorry. If that hadn't been his excuse he would have just found another; though he really didn't even need a reason most days. I probably deserve a whole lot worse than that for everything I did to you last year." He placed a feather-light kiss on her forehead.

"You didn't deserve that, no one deserves that kind of treatment." She grabbed his hand and placed it over her heart. He could feel her heart beating rapidly in a staccato rhythm against his palm. "Please, let's get out of this place. Let's go in the other room. We can sit and talk about anything you want."

He yanked his hand away from her and ambled back across the room. He hated that she was so upset that she would beg him to escape this hell-hole. The anger and resentment continued flowing with an even stronger current through his mind. "Feel free to go in there yourself. I'm not nearly finished in here. I really should have had Mrs. Navarro pack this room up when she did the rest of the house. I don't really know why I didn't. I guess I was worried he might get out and come home and if he discovered that I had gotten rid of his stuff there would be real hell to pay. But I don't care anymore. Do you know why I don't care? It's because I realize that even if he does get out, he can't hurt me anymore than he already has…he killed the first girl I loved, drove my mother to suicide, and tried to flambé you. He will never hurt me or anyone else again. If he gets out, I will kill him." He looked her straight in the eye when he uttered the threat and there was no doubt whatsoever in his mind that he could, and would, do it without a second thought.

"How did you get home Logan? I hope you didn't drive."

He was startled by her total disregard for his statement. He had been sure she would protest that he was better than that. Maybe she thought if she ignored it, it wouldn't be real. "How'd I get home? Umm…no...I didn't drive. I'm not even sure where my SUV is right now." He laughed harshly. "I called Cliff to come and get me. He's my attorney and supposed to help me, that's what I pay him for. Besides, that whole attorney/client privilege thing means he can't rat me out to the judge."

"Where is Cliff right now?"

"I'm not real sure. I think he might be parking his car but he's probably being held up down at the gate by the press. Maybe I'll get lucky and he'll run a few of them down." God he hated the press. They were like vultures hovering around, waiting to pick at the rotting corpses left by the road. The paparazzi had hounded him and his parents since he was little more than an infant. Aaron had played up his family man image so much that the press had felt that he was fair game even as a toddler. He couldn't even imagine how many photos of himself as a little child had appeared in various rags across the world.

She appeared completely freaked out by his mention of the press. How could she have not noticed them when she tried to get in the gate? Looking at him, she must have finally noticed something amiss. "Where have you been? Did the press see you when you came in?"

"Oh, I've been out and about. Just enjoying the vast array of scenery Neptune has to offer. Sadly the press did not get any good shots of me. Cliff dropped me off nearby and I snuck on the property by going over the back wall. I wanted to come in the front way but Cliff wouldn't hear of it."

"Is that how you got all that mud on you? And how you got all the scratches?"

"I fell in a rose bush coming over the back wall. I think the yardmen must have been here today as it was awfully muddy out there." She was looking at him like he wasn't making any sense. He supposed his words might be a little slurred but he wasn't speaking Swahili. 'Why is she so confused?'

He heard an insistent pounding on the front door. 'Oh goody. Cliff must be coming to the rescue again. I wonder if I am being charged his hourly rate for my lectures.' He really wished everyone would leave him alone. He didn't want or need their interference. He knew what needed to be done and he was doing it.

As the pounding continued and Veronica was rubbing her temple in an obvious show of stress, he realized that the best thing for her was to get away from him. He'd tried to tell her that before but she wouldn't listen. It was going to obliterate what there was left of his heart but he knew he needed to make her leave. He knew she would eventually leave him anyway so he might as well give her the incentive to do it sooner rather than later. "Yes, why don't you go answer the door? Better yet why don't you go home? Or go save someone who wants your help?" He stood there, daring her to walk out the door like everyone in his life did. "I don't want you here. I don't want your help."

He thought his voice was strong and his expression was impassive. He would have been stunned if he realized his voice broke and his eyes begged her to stay and help him. "I'm not leaving you. I'm staying right here…with you," she finished softly.

"Leave! I don't want you here," he screamed. Before she had a chance to say anything he heard that stupid the grandfather clock upstairs begin to chime 10. He was sick of the goddamned clock keeping him awake. The bat weighed heavily in his hand and he recognized that he had the means to ensure he never had to hear it again. Pushing past her, he ran up the stairs, forgetting about her pleading and the pounding of the door. He was intent on only one thing…finally getting the sound of that clock out of his head. Maybe if he could get rid of that sound, he could also get rid of the sound of Aaron's voice repeatedly mocking him.

His anger and resentment were only fueled more by the roiling of the alcohol in his stomach as he destroyed one of Aaron's favorite things. He was barely aware of Veronica, now joined by Cliff, arriving on the scene. He wouldn't remember later what was said but he was vaguely aware of throwing out some wild accusations about how they looked at him.

So far he'd managed to destroy a large part of Aaron's monument to himself and his stupid clock, now there was only the bedroom left to deal with. Turning he advanced down the hall and pushed open the double doors. He froze on the threshold as yet more memories swept over him. He thought of his mother's funeral and how that hypocritical bastard had sat there and went on and on about loving his family and how he wanted to make it better. By this time, Logan was so lost in his own memories and emotions that he was unaware of Veronica and Cliff behind him as he rambled on about old memories, including those of birthdays that ended in violence.

Logan felt almost like he was somewhere else watching the scene play out in front of him. It was as if he floated across the room to the closet with glass doors, leisurely running his hands lightly up and down the glass. He was completely captivated by the pattern of the etchings. It was an innocuous looking item that hid his family's nasty little secrets. He didn't even hear Veronica talking to him or feel her touching his back.

Reaching forward, he pushed the doors apart to reveal the closet with an unbelievable amount of belts. Spellbound, he fingered the leather of the individual belts. Fiddling with a brown, intricately weaved belt, he remembered how that belt was the one that always broke the skin, leaving small scars that never completely vanished. The wide, black, smooth one was the one that hurt the least but its buckle was the one Aaron was most likely to _accidentally_ strike him with. The thin, black one was the most painful, as it felt like a razor slicing across his skin. He had no idea that his observations were not taking place inside his head but being whispered out loud for Veronica and Cliff to hear.

Deciding it was time for this all to end, Logan gathered all of the belts in his arms and headed for the balcony door. Kicking the door open he walked out and threw the belts over the side into the backyard. He watched as they fell to the ground, curled up like snakes waiting to strike. The resentment and rage had finally disappeared with this last act. He barely made it back into the room before his knees buckled and he gave into the grief. The sobs overtook him as he knelt there with his face buried in the carpet.

While not consciously aware of what was happening beyond his misery, somewhere in his heart he sensed when Veronica came over, knelt next to him and gathered him in her arms. She rocked him, stroking his hair, whispering over and over that it would be alright. She swore he would never suffer at the hands of Aaron or anyone else. His mind did not hear a word she said but her words were forever imprinted on his heart; chiefly the promise that she would never leave him.

He had the vague sensation of being hauled off the floor and into his bedroom but nothing registered past the mist clouding his mind. He reveled in the feeling of her small hands stroking him, assuring him everything would be ok. As much as he wanted to believe her, keep her with him, he knew she needed get away for her own well-being. He told her that repeatedly but his unconscious clinging to her hand contradicted his words. While he would never have a completely clear recollection of the night's events, his heart memorized the feel of her lying down next to him, stroking his hair until he was asleep. When she finally climbed under the sheets with him, he snuggled as close as he could to her warmth and comfort. Unfortunately, he had fallen back asleep by the time she mumbled, "I love you Logan. And I'm not going to let you fuck this up."


	11. Hangovers and Lessons Learned

**Chapter 11: Hangovers and Lessons Learned**

He couldn't remember the last time a pair of soft, cool, feminine hands had taken care of him. However, this time when he had gotten up in the night, he was acutely aware of Veronica's constant presence by his side. He barely acknowledged her but he was eternally grateful that she was there. While he said little, he clung tightly to Veronica's hand and snuggled as close to her as possible in bed. He was afraid that if he let go of her even for a moment she would evaporate away like a morning mist.

Lilly had certainly never been the mothering type. In Veronica's place, she would more than likely have yelled at him for waking her up saying that he was a dumbass who deserved to feel like shit.

As a child, whenever Lynn had tried to take care of him, Aaron had claimed she was turning him into a sissy. Aaron insisted that Lynn's job was to take care of him, not Logan. After all that's why they hired nannies. He did however recall his mother defying Aaron to take care of him when he had chicken pox at age eight. And once, when he had a fever that they were afraid was something more serious, she had sat up with him all night. As she had sunk deeper into the bottle though, Lynn had acquiesced to Aaron's demands, thereby leaving Logan's care to the nannies.

As he grew older, he accepted that no one was going to take care of him so he learned to take care of himself and eventually of his mother. He gave her the love and care he wished would be lavished upon him. He carried her to bed when she passed out in the living room, he stroked her hair and cleaned her up when she took too many pills or drank too much alcohol. As with many children of alcoholics he had switched roles with the parent, being the caretaker and giving up his childhood.

He had been told by various people over the years that he was harder to wake than the dead and twice as cranky about it. He didn't like mornings and he felt no need to pretend otherwise. In the recesses of his mind, he heard something hit the wall and Veronica yelling but he curled tighter under the covers in denial. He groaned when he saw light peeking through an open spot of the covers and her voice coming closer.

The next part happened so quickly he would not have had a chance to escape even if he were in full possession of all his senses. The covers were ripped from his body and he was suddenly drowning in ice cold water. He had been dreaming that he was sailing with Veronica and his subconscious thought the boat was sinking. Scrambling away from the rapidly soaking bed he got tangled in the sheets and fell in a heap on the floor. As he landed hard on the carpet he snapped awake and realized he was on dry land.

He looked up and saw her standing there holding a bucket, snorting in laughter. His eyes narrowed to slits and he asked if she was trying to kill him. She claimed that wasn't her goal but he needed to get up and ready for this afternoon. It took him a few moments to realize that it was Friday and he had to meet with Jack and Billy; it also meant drug testing. He groaned and tried to burrow down into the carpet when he realized that with everything he had drank last night he would probably fail and ruin his probation. He tried to lie back down but Veronica was there tugging him to his feet and pulling him into the bathroom.

He stood there on the cool tile moaning and groaning as he tried to shield his eyes from the light as she turned on the shower. She shoved a glass of water into his hands and told him to drink it all, talking to him like he was a three-year-old.

He wondered if she would come after him if he made a run for it and locked himself in another bedroom. He really wanted nothing more than to bury himself under the covers and forget about the real world.

Caught up in his own misery he had not been paying attention to Veronica and was shocked when she ripped his boxers off. He frantically tried to cover himself and prayed his blush wasn't too noticeable. To cover his embarrassment he snarked, "Hey, what are you doing? Damn if you were that desperate to see me naked, you should have just said something." Damn her. He had plenty of fantasies that involved both of them being naked for hours, but he didn't want her first sight of him naked to be when he was hung-over and had been doused in cold water. He was in no condition to make an impressive first sight!

"Yeah seeing you naked and hung-over has been on my top ten wish list for a while now," she responded as she shoved him under the shower spray. He shrieked like a banshee, letting out a string of curses and threats that echoed off the shower walls as the cold water hit his body.

"Oh quit your whining you big baby. Suck it up and shower like a big boy."

He cursed her under his breath, wishing she would leave him alone to wallow in his own misery. When she was finally gone, he turned the water on warm and thought back over the previous evening. Had he really seen and talked to Lilly? Or was he crazy? Had he completely fucked up his probation or was there a chance to salvage it? He knew he would do whatever was necessary to avoid going to jail, the family didn't need two jailbirds.

He moaned and leaned his throbbing head against the cool tile walls and felt his stomach roil in agony. A year ago, half a bottle of tequila would not have made Logan so sick that death would be a merciful option. He was a little amazed at how 5 months without so much as a drop of alcohol had played havoc with his tolerance level. He wondered how much drinking he would have to do to get back to where it didn't just about kill him the next morning. Not that he intended to do that but he was curious.

Logan had always been a curious boy. More often than not that curiosity got him into trouble. Curiosity led him to buy the Liquid X he had taken to Shelley Pomeroy's party, to ask Lilly out, to get drunk the first time, and to have sex with a film extra at fourteen. More recently it had led him to kiss Veronica Mars; yes more often than not it led to trouble. He wondered if he had not kissed Veronica the first time at The Camelot how his life would be different. Would he still be in this mess, maybe without the assistance of Veronica and the rest of the support system he had gained this year? He supposed if he truly loved her and wanted what was best for her he would send her far away from his wreckage but he acknowledged that he had always been a selfish bastard and now was no different. He didn't want to lose her, even if it was better for her.

The morning turned into one long torture session. He was wrapping the towel around his waist when she strolled back into the bathroom carrying a green concoction that made his stomach roil just looking at it. He asked wearily, "What is that sludge? I'm not drinking that crap and you are crazier than I thought if you think otherwise."

"Shut up and drink it. We don't have time for your childish bullshit this morning. We need to get the alcohol out of your system before your probation meeting." It amused him that she apparently had decided being bitchy was the best way to respond to his churlishness.

He felt crappy enough though that grouchiness won out over amusement. He glared at her and snatched the sludge out of her hand and gave it a small sniff. It didn't smell that bad even if it did look nasty, so he quickly downed the contents. Wiping his mouth with the back of his hand he asked peevishly, "What did you put in that thing? Turpentine and seaweed? You could take rust off a bumper with that crap."

"I didn't make it, Mrs. Navarro did. I didn't ask what she put in it, it seemed safer that way. If you are done with your whining go and get dressed." Her answering smirk could only be referred to as snarky. Exiting the bathroom he was confused when she threw a set of workout clothes at him but he put them on without an argument.

He could tell she had been checking him out in the bathroom so he made her turn around while he changed. He knew she snuck a few glances over her shoulder but hadn't seen much as he too had turned around. He normally wouldn't care if she saw him naked, hell he'd put a show on for her if she wanted, but he was pissed off enough about being doused in icy cold water twice in one morning that he wasn't about to give her something that she wanted.

Once dressed, Veronica had dragged him into the gym to workout and tried to drown him in water both internally and externally. He was fairly sure if he drank much more water, he was going to float away. He'd been afraid that he might be sick in the gym but while he didn't feel great, he also didn't feel any worse. He did actually feel clearer as he worked up a sweat.

Leaving the gym, they headed down for breakfast. He was extremely grateful to see that Veronica and Mrs. Navarro had cleaned up the clock mess and shut the doors to Aaron's study and bedroom. He wasn't sure he could deal with the havoc wreaked in those rooms.

After breakfast they both went upstairs to clean up. She had suggested a joint shower but he had glowered at her and stomped off muttering to himself and slammed the door to the bathroom. Her grin had suggested that she was greatly amused by the idea. He didn't think her suggestion was the least bit funny. Did she believe he could shower with her and not make love to her? He didn't think she wanted her first memorable sexual experience to be against the wall of the shower.

When he saw her again she was dressed in her jeans from the day before and a t-shirt she had borrowed from his drawer. He wondered if he was ever going to see any of the shirts she _borrowed_ again. She told him that she disguised her voice and called the school and told them he was out with a stomach bug. She had also called and told them she was out with a similar bug.

Veronica had been astute enough to not try to come into his probation meeting. He was frankly still embarrassed about her being there last week, and then he wasn't on the verge of failing the drug test. The thought of her being there this week had nearly driven him to tears. He was grateful that she was there to coax him through the day as he wasn't sure he could have done it without her, but at the same time he wished she would have left him to deal with it by himself. Every time he looked at her and thought about the fact she gave up a lot to be with him meant everything but also left him racked with guilt.

By the time Logan slunk into Veronica's passenger seat after his probation meeting, he felt about two feet tall. He desperately wished he could skip his meeting with Billy and go home. While Jack wasn't that angry about what happened at the prison, he had still found it necessary to lecture Logan for twenty minutes about what a stupid move it was and how he could have easily been arrested and had his probation revoked. He didn't even want to imagine how disappointed in him Billy would be.

Veronica had immediately started asking him about the meeting as he climbed into her SUV. He felt crappy both emotionally and physically and he took it out on her. He knew he was being an ass to her but he couldn't seem to help himself. The more she tried to comfort him the angrier he got. He almost wished she would scream at him and tell him he was a worthless bastard who was not worth her time or effort. He knew how to deal with that kind of treatment; it was the constant love and attention that he didn't know how to handle. He couldn't think of one reason she would possibly want to stay and deal with his shit so he wished she would leave now before he got too attached and wound up incapable of letting her go.

Logan slunk down in his chair opposite Billy and waited for an explosion. The room was bathed in an eerie, unnatural silence borne of sadness, anger and disappointment. If she had screamed at him and told him how stupid he was, he would have been able to react, but she watched him with the same sad, knowing expression that Veronica had been using all morning.

Finally, unable to bear the silence any longer, Logan sighed in frustration. "Aren't you going to yell at me? Tell me what an idiot I am? How I may have well screwed up my probation?"

Billy stared back at him, debating the best way to respond. "Why would I do that?"

"I tried to kill Aaron yesterday at the prison and I know that you know I'm hung-over as hell. I spent last night on the beach under the Coronado Bridge, curled up with a bottle of tequila for hours and then went home and used a bat to destroy Aaron's belongings."

"What happened while you were on the beach?"

"Nothing," he snapped testily. He glanced up at the walls, refusing to look at her. "I sat there and drank half a bottle of tequila and wished I was anyone in the world but Logan Echolls, son of a murdering bastard."

When he snapped at her like that and refused to look at her, she knew he was being evasive. Obviously something had happened but he wasn't ready to talk about it. "I'm not going to tell you how stupid you are or scream at you. It seems that you are quite aware of the stupidity involved in your actions. I have a feeling you have been punishing yourself enough. Now, tell me in your own words what happened at the prison."

"You already know what happened. I tried to choke Aaron and had to be dragged out of the room by three guards. I promised him that one way or another I'd see him die, even if I had to do it myself."

She knew he wanted a reaction from her but she refused to give him one. He was always expected the worst and she wasn't going to fulfill that expectation. He was right about Billy already knowing about the choking but that wasn't the part of the visit in which she was interested. She knew that the meeting would not go well but she hadn't been prepared for Logan to actually try to kill his father. "Tell me about the events leading up to your rather dramatic exit. How did he act before that, when you first arrived? What did he say to provoke you?"

He glanced up at her sharply. He was stunned by her unquestioning belief that Aaron had provoked him. He wasn't used to anyone having such faith in him. Not even his mother or Veronica had believed in him so readily. Even when they had been at their closest Veronica had automatically believed the worst of him with only the flimsiest of evidence. Only in the last few weeks had she begun to act like she had sincere faith in him.

"He tried to play the concerned, loving father at first. His true colors shone through quickly enough. He started professing his innocence. He called Veronica assorted names and taunted me with his and Lilly's affair. In turn, I taunted him right back with the information that I had found the money in Trina's and my name. So he threw in that I was an ungrateful little brat and that he wanted my mother to have an abortion. He admitted that she knew about the affair and had accused him of killing Lilly the night before she jumped. Oh and since all of that apparently wasn't enough, he insinuated that with more time he would have seduced Veronica."

He looked away from Billy and clenched his fists in his lap as the emotions from his visit coursed through him again. Without a doubt, if Aaron were there in front of him, he would try to choke him again.

Billy watched him surreptitiously as he gasped for air and clenched his hands. He was desperately fighting the battle to remain in control. She had noticed that for once he didn't pace around the room, but his hands and legs had been unable to stay still. One or the other was persistently in motion. She was thrilled when he finally appeared to have won the battle for control; a few months ago he would more likely have lost. Whether he knew it or not, he was making tremendous progress.

"Do you believe he really would have seduced Veronica?"

"I believe he probably would have tried; however, he wouldn't have succeeded. She would never have fallen for his lines. She might have betrayed me in a lot of other ways but I don't believe for one second she would have done that to me."

"You say that Veronica betrayed you. Do you still believe what she did was a betrayal of your trust?"

He thought that question over before responding. "Betrayal probably wasn't the best choice of words. It was more a lack of faith, of trust. I'll admit her behavior wasn't completely unwarranted but it still hurts when I think about it."

Billy nodded in agreement. "That's understandable. Do you believe she would do it again?"

He answered hesitantly, "I don't think she would automatically jump to the same conclusions. I want to believe that she would not automatically think the worst of me and would confront me first."

"Do you feel she really wouldn't have been seduced by Aaron?"

"I don't think Veronica would have had any reason to be interested in Aaron. She isn't Lilly. Lilly was all about men, sex, and pissing her parents off. Aaron filled the bill nicely for all of those things. Not to mention by fucking him, she also got back at me for everything, real or imagined, that I had ever done to her."

Billy was excited to see that Logan did not believe that Veronica would automatically betray him. There was still a lack of trust there but it wasn't nearly as prevalent as before. "What happened when you got home?"

"The whole thing is a little hazy. I went into his study, grabbed a bat and started breaking as many things as I could before Veronica came running in to stop me. I babbled about what he had done to me in that room and then I ran upstairs and killed the grandfather clock. Next, I went in Aaron's bedroom and threw the belts off the balcony but I'm not really sure what else happened. The next thing I knew, I woke up in my bed and ran to the bathroom to be sick."

"How did you get to bed?"

"I guess Veronica and Cliff must have put me to bed."

"I noticed Veronica came with you again today."

"Uh, yeah. She called in sick to school and has been escorting me around town. That girl is a one-woman bodyguard, nursemaid, and babysitter."

"Did you call her to come over in the morning or did she show up on her own?"

She saw him blush furiously. "Um, she spent the night. When I woke up in the middle of the night she was sleeping next to me. She got up with me and made sure I made it to and from the bathroom."

Billy tried to contain her smile. She was thrilled that for once he had not been left alone to cope with his problems. Logan had previously admitted to Billy that he was in love with Veronica and had told her. But he never mentioned Veronica expressing her feelings. Even if she hadn't said the words, it was obvious to Billy that she must be in love with Logan. A girl did not spend the night and play nursemaid to someone she didn't care for deeply. "It must be nice having someone helping to take care of you."

Logan stared and the floor and shrugged. He looked rather morose and wouldn't respond.

"You don't seem very happy about her presence. Why are you upset?"

He stared at the floor as his hands rubbed back and forth over the arms of the chairs. He didn't speak for a few minutes and then he mumbled his response. "She shouldn't be wasting her time with me. She deserves better than to have to deal with a drunken asshole that is prone to violence. One of these days she's going to realize that and leave. I wish she would leave sooner rather than later. If she stays around much longer I'm afraid I won't be able to let her go when she does leave."

Billy could feel tears gather in her eyes as she realized how much the visit with Aaron had damaged Logan's self-esteem. He had been making great progress but it seems he lost confidence in his ability to be a decent person and his fear of abandonment was coming to a head. She knew they had to deal with that fear above all else. "Why do you think she won't stick around? Do you really believe that she'll leave you alone?"

"Eventually all women leave. No one in my life sticks around for long."

"Not everyone is destined to disappear." He continued his non-response technique of shrugging. He sat there staring at the floor. Aware that he was not willing to talk about it any longer, she moved back to another topic. "What else is bothering you? Did something else happen last night that you haven't told me about?"

"If you think you see a dead person, does that make you crazy?" He rushed the question out, just wanting it out there on the table.

She sighed in frustration. "I've told you I don't use that word. But no, it doesn't automatically make you crazy. Did you see your mother?"

He finally darted a glance up at her to verify she wasn't laughing at him. "No. I saw Lilly… I talked to her."

"What did you talk about?" While she herself had never had the experience, she did not discount other people's beliefs. Enough clients had told her about having seen or talked to a loved one who had passed on that she had to give credence to the possibility.

"We talked about her and Aaron, about Veronica and me. She yelled at me for letting Aaron continue to control my life and then told me to go home to Veronica."

"It sounds like she gave you some good advice. It doesn't sound like she believes Veronica is going to leave you."

Again he just shrugged and looked at his watch. He unexpectedly jumped out of his seat and announced that his hour was up and he needed to get going. It was evident that he wasn't going to listen to anything else she had to say today so she let him go.

Downstairs, he slid back into Veronica's SUV. He was lost in thought and even more sullen than he had been earlier. "Can we go get my SUV please?"

"Sure. Where did you leave it?"

He blushed and stared down at his hands. "I can't remember exactly but I think it was down somewhere near The Camelot. I wanted to ditch it so no one could find me but I was in a bit of a haze at the time so I can't be positive."

She sighed and rolled her eyes but agreed to search for it. Fortunately, when they got to that part of town they found he had left it out in the open about a block down from the motel. It was the same spot he had parked when he 'saved' her from her would-be kidnapper.

Before he got into his X-Terra she asked, "Are you stopping at the grocery store or heading straight home?"

"I'm going home. I'm not in the mood to shop right now. The world does not need to know what brand of toilet paper I buy," he snarked in reference to the press following them.

"OK. I have a few stops to make but I'll meet you back at your place. It will probably take me a few hours."

He opened his mouth to argue but the scowl she gave him made him think better of it. He snapped his mouth shut and nodded before driving off. When he arrived at his gate, it was surrounded by reporters wanting a statement. He resolutely refused to give them any response though it was tempting to run over the ones that stepped in front of his SUV.

Once back inside the house, he decided to examine the damage he'd inflicted last night. He thought he saw a delivery van pulled around the side of the house but he didn't think much of it. He entered the study and was astounded to find a barren room. Everything had been removed from the walls and shelves, even the furniture was gone. In shock, he headed for Aaron's room. Walking through the hallway, he noticed the clock had been removed and there were movers in the bedroom packing up everything. He wasn't sure what to think about it. Had Aaron contacted his lawyers or something?

He rushed down to the kitchen calling for Mrs. Navarro. Rushing out of the kitchen, the housekeeper was startled to find him home. "What's wrong? I thought you were supposed to be out for a few more hours."

"Where did everything in the study go and why are there strange men in Aaron's room packing?" He wasn't angry as much as confused.

"They are packing up Mr. Aaron's belongings and putting them in storage with the other things already there."

"Why? Who authorized it? Did Aaron's lawyers or the judge order it?"

The housekeeper hesitated, reluctant to answer him. With a sigh she confessed, "Ms. Veronica requested it this morning. We had hoped to have it done before you got home."

"Veronica ordered this?" He stood there perplexed, unable to fully grasp what was going on. He wasn't sure if he should be angry or relieved. Without another word, he walked away from the housekeeper and sat out on the deck, staring at the pool.

He knew she had done this because he had been unable to take that final step. It made him feel even worse for having been a silent jerk to her all day. He actually felt like a weight was being lifted off his shoulders as the realization set in that the last reminders of Aaron were going to be gone. He wasn't sure how long he sat out one the patio. When he came back inside Mrs. Navarro told him the movers were gone. He encouraged her to leave early and then sat in the living room waiting for Veronica to return.

Logan heard a terrible commotion as the door opened and he hurried out to the entry. Though startled when Backup jumped up to greet him, he was able to keep himself upright. He enthusiastically petted the dog and looked over at her. "Hey. Do you need some help?"

"Can you take the pizza while I go back out and get the dog food?"

"I'll get the dog food if you want to go set up in the kitchen." He walked out with Backup close on his heels. Though he would never admit it, he breathed a sigh of relief when he found an overnight bag in the back along with the dog food. He didn't want to get too used to it, but a feeling of contentment washed over him as he realized that for one more night he would not be alone.

He was back inside a few minutes later carrying the dog food and overnight bag. He set both bags down without a word. He decided to play it casual, like this evening was nothing out of the ordinary.

The night turned out to be surprisingly enjoyable as they consumed the pizza and watched a movie. By 10:30 they were both yawning in exhaustion. Pulling her up, he put an arm around her waist and she leaned heavily against him. As they headed towards the stairs, he grabbed her overnight bag and they walked to his bedroom. He set her bag down in his bathroom and with a kiss to her forehead he left her alone to get ready.

Grabbing a clean pair of boxers, he went down the hallway to another bathroom and got ready for bed. By the time she came out of the bathroom wearing one his t-shirts, he was already under the covers with Backup settled on the floor next to him. He was secretly thrilled to see her wearing his shirt in lieu of a nightgown. It was quite possibly the sexiest thing he'd ever seen. When she joined him under the covers, he pulled her close to kiss her passionately. He wanted to make love to her but he felt her stiffen slightly in what he was afraid was fear as his hand moved up her leg. Before things could get too heated, he pulled back and kissed her on the forehead. Without a word, he turned out the lights and settled into the bed, positioning them so he was spooning her. He kissed her lightly on the neck and whispered good night. They were both sound asleep within minutes.


	12. Dreaming Into Reality

**Note: **As always, I owe a huge debt of gratitude to Maria and Bissele for the awesome beta. Thank you!**  
**

**Chapter 12: Dreaming Into Reality**

Though not fully awake, he sensed Veronica leaving his bed and rolled over to where she had slept, burying his face in her pillow. Being surrounded by her scent filled him with feelings of warmth, comfort, and security that he had long since given up hope of ever experiencing again. He burrowed into her warmth. In the recesses of his mind, he heard his door click shut as she and Backup left the room. A brief thought of rousing himself passed through his mind but he did not move.

About half an hour later, Logan was having a wonderfully X-rated dream. He dreamt that he and Veronica were on a deserted beach, blissfully nude. He was in heaven getting to see her naked again. This time he was going to make love to her; there were no parents waiting, no ghosts dropping by, no counselors yelling, nothing to interrupt. There were just miles and miles of sand and water. In his dream, Veronica was touching him, teasing him, trying to seduce him. He could feel her hands moving up and down his torso, teasing his nipples. He groaned aloud when her mouth clamped around his nipple. It was so real; his body could not stay still. Her mouth was all over his chest, moving down his torso, darting her tongue into his belly button. And her hand…her hand was…it was trailing lightly over his cock…

His eyes shot open. This wasn't just a dream. He groaned as her hand wrapped around him and squeezed. Her grin was wicked and knowing as she kissed him, darting her tongue into his mouth. Though his mind was by no means completely awake, his body knew what it wanted. One hand wrapped around the back of her head, holding her mouth to his. The other hand moved to her breast, teasing the nipple.

He would have flipped her over so she was beneath him but she pulled back and shook her head, "Uh-huh, this is my turn." He nearly cried when her hand left him but he didn't have time to be disappointed as she started tugging his boxers down immediately. He eagerly helped her remove the garment that formed a barrier between them. He was completely awake now but his mind was wholly fogged over with desire. The only coherent thought he could form was that he wanted, no _needed_, to bury his cock in her soon.

He wanted to grab her, rip her clothes off and make love to her but she had made it clear this was her show and he wasn't about to do anything that might make her hesitate, or worse, change her mind. Somewhere there was a rational part of his mind that pointed out that she _needed_ to have control this time. She took a good long look at him as he lay before her in his birthday suit. He was beginning to shake with anticipation when she straddled his hips and rubbed herself against him. A small grin of satisfaction tilted her lips as she leaned forward to kiss him. He couldn't stop himself from arching up against her and sliding his hands down her panties, grabbing her ass and squeezing.

However, once again she made it clear that this was her scenario. And who was he to argue after all? She placed his hands by his head and moved her mouth back down his body, stopping to torment his nipples before continuing down his torso. He was moving restlessly, begging and moaning as she continued her torment. His hands clutched his pillow and headboard to keep from grabbing her.

The sound he emitted when she took him in her mouth was almost a whine. All rational thought was obliterated as she worked him eagerly with her hands and mouth. If he had been able to form a coherent thought, he might have wondered when she had become so adept at pleasuring a man. Fortunately, the ability to think was long gone at this point. She knew exactly how to move her mouth and tongue, when to squeeze his balls. He knew he was nothing more than a moaning rag doll as she continued.

He could feel the pressure building, the urge to come growing. He wanted more though; he wanted to give her as much pleasure as he received. While he had never been a completely selfless lover, he had always been a generous one. He was a thorough believer in the ladies first school of thought. He gathered what strength he could and pulled her away and back up to his mouth. He could taste himself on her tongue and it made him grow even harder. Sitting up, he positioned her in his lap with her legs wrapped around his waist. He reached down and pulled the t-shirt she was wearing off. Her panties were the only barrier barring him from feeling her against his body. She laughed heartily as he impatiently ripped them away.

She shoved him back down on the bed and leaned over to his nightstand. He wondered what in the world she was looking for when she triumphantly leaned back over him with a distinct foil packet. He blushed a little wondering how she had known he stored them there even as he was grateful she had thought of it, because he was beyond rational thought. Embarrassment was the last thing on his mind seconds later when he began stroking her breasts before adjusting her so he could draw a nipple into his mouth. His hand skimmed down her body and ran through her pubic hair. He teased her clit before inserting first one and then two fingers into her. She was so tight around his fingers he groaned at the thought of what it would feel like when he was inside her. She adjusted herself so she could kiss him again, his tongue moved in and out of her mouth in rhythm with his fingers.

He finally couldn't stand it any longer. They were both breathing heavily and he was shaking so badly, he wasn't sure he was going to last two minutes. He withdrew his fingers and she moved down and rolled the condom over him. He cried out as her fingers moved down his erection, he definitely wasn't going to make it for long. He noticed she was also shaking a little which made him feel a little bit better.

She positioned herself over him and guided his erection to her opening. She took him in slowly at first with shallow little strokes that drove him crazy with frustration and pleasure. He hadn't known both feelings could overwhelm him at once. Each stroke took him in a little deeper until she finally, in one swift movement, took him all in. He wasn't sure if her resultant cry or his groan were louder. As much as he wanted to flip her over and drive himself into her, this time was about her. He continued to let her set the tone. It wasn't exactly a hardship on him though having to watch her body move up and down on him, her breasts jiggling with each movement. Watching her facial expressions change from shock, to wonder, to pleasure alone was worth any frustration he might have felt previously. Soon they both wanted more and she finally begged him for help in pushing her over the edge. He happily reached between them and stroked her, pressing his thumb against her clit until she contracted around him, calling out his name. Her tremors set off his own shuddering and he grabbed her hips and thrust himself upwards as he came, calling out Veronica.

Later as they came back to reality, breaths still coming in gasps, Veronica lay sprawled like a limp rag atop him. Her ear was pressed against his chest so he was sure she must be able to hear his heart pounding. All too soon, their sweat-soaked bodies cooled and they were sticking together. Though reluctant to move, he gently rolled her off of him, kissing her gently, causing her to emit a few small noises from the back of her throat. He got up and went into the bathroom. He discarded the condom and relieved himself.

Grabbing a washcloth, he bathed himself and grabbed another clean cloth to soak in warm water. As he waited for the water to warm, he glanced in the mirror and saw a look of exhaustion with a spark of satiation. He heard someone say mockingly, "Always the gentleman." Out of the corner of his eye he saw a flash of blonde and turned to smile at Veronica but there was no one. He blinked confusedly, sure he'd seen someone and then he heard the unmistakable sound of Lilly's laughter in his ear. He blushed completely at the thought of her watching them. He could almost hear her cheering them on, telling him it was about time he fucked Veronica.

He turned the taps off and wrung the excess water from the cloth. Entering the room he stopped for a moment to stare at an exhausted, naked Veronica sprawled across his bed. This was a fantasy he'd had more times in his life than he cared to admit. She didn't open her eyes until he pressed the warm cloth against her tender skin. Sex, while extremely pleasurable was also messy and could make already tender parts of the body sore. She stared at him in silence as he bathed her. He threw the washcloth in the hamper and crawled back in bed, drawing the covers over them.

He wrapped her in his arms and planted soft kisses over her face. After awhile she pulled back and said, "I love you Logan." He let the words wash over him. He'd never heard anything so beautiful in his life. The words placed a balm over old wounds inflicted during his life. He shut his eyes briefly to savor the moment before opening them to grin wickedly at her. He gave her back the words and pulled her back against him as they settled into the pillows. As he drifted back to sleep, he saw streaks of light crossing the floor, promising a beautiful new day. His last thought before he drifted off was to wonder how soon he could talk her into using some of the items from her 'gift'!


	13. Everything Has a Price

**A/N: **Sorry for the delay in getting this chapter done but my muse apparently took a Hawaiian vacation without me anddidn't wantto come back.

**Chapter 13: Everything Has a Price **

Logan woke for the second time that morning and reached for Veronica only to find her gone. Instinctively he knew she was not far so while disappointed, he wasn't angry or worried that she had left him. Glancing at the clock, he decided it was probably time to get up.

He stood under the shower spray trying to wrap his mind around the fact that making love to Veronica was no longer just a fantasy. Over the past few years he had grown accustomed to, though not particularly fond of, having erotic dreams about Veronica Mars. Even when he hated her, the dreams had haunted him which only served to make him hate her more.

It wasn't until they were lying there naked, gasping, a puddle of entangled limbs, that it fully registered as reality. He had thought for their first time he would whisk her away to Catalina Island for a romantic weekend in a luxurious hotel complete with jacuzzi. He never dreamt that she would be the one to make the first move. He wondered briefly if he should be upset that he hadn't been the one to initiate things but he couldn't bring himself to mind at all. He actually felt better knowing that this time it was completely her decision. She probably had not been aware of the determined gleam in her eye that told him she needed to set the pace.

Logan was leaning against the shower wall, eyes closed, when he heard the door open and turned to see a naked Veronica grinning at him. His body immediately reacted to the sight. He turned to her with a smirk on his face and leaned against the far wall, beckoning her to join him. Once she joined him inside, he grabbed her hand, tugging her against his body and pushing his tongue inside her mouth before she even realized his intent.

Whenever he was kissing her, his mind fogged over and time seemed to stand still. Only when air became a vital necessity did he release her mouth. He poured some soap into his hands and began to spread it across her body, finding the spots that caused her breath to hitch. He paid particular attention to her breasts and the folds between her legs. Not to be outdone, Veronica reciprocated his touches, concentrating on his nipples and growing erection.

The touches and teasing quickly became too much. He was painfully hard and couldn't take much more so he turned off the water and herded her out of the shower. Each of them grabbed a towel and took turns drying the other. Running her hands across his chest and abdomen, she finally paused and wrapped her hand around him, stroking rhythmically back and forth.

He kissed her fiercely as he pulled her small form tightly against him. He wanted nothing more than to push himself deep inside of her, but his rational side seeped through and caused him to worry. Though he was sure he'd end up banging his head against the wall in frustration, he couldn't stand the thought of causing her pain. He heard himself offering, "If you're too sore for this, let me know now."

Veronica didn't even hesitate before she shook her head, "I'm okay, just be careful."

"I will always be careful with you. Stay right here," he told her, relief and desire deepening his voice.

Back in his room, he grabbed a condom out of the drawer and rushed back to her side. He still couldn't believe he'd forgotten about using a condom this morning until Veronica pulled one out. Normally he was obsessive about birth control. He didn't need or want a baby as a teenager. Hell, he wasn't even sure he ever wanted children.

He watched her eyes widen with curiosity as he placed the condom on the counter. He kissed her softly before turning her around and running his hands up and down her body, causing her eyes to close as she concentrated on the feelings he was invoking.

"Open your eyes," he whispered, nipping on her ear.

Watching her reactions in the mirror, he suckled the side of her throat and softly caressed her breasts. His hand slid down and he slowly slipped one finger between her folds as she parted her legs to give him better access.

"Lean on the counter," he ordered.

The look she gave him was one of confusion but she complied with his request. He adjusted her into the position he wanted and slipped on the condom. Reminding himself to be gentle as she was still new to this, he grabbed her hips and pushed inside of her. He groaned with relief and pleasure as he felt her body adjust around him. He anchored one hand on her stomach while the other fondled her clit. His lips and tongue traced along her neck and the curvature of her ear, studying her expression in the mirror.

He whispered to her just how hot she was and how much he loved her. She moaned the words back to him as she came. Her eyes never left his. He called out her name when he came seconds later.

They sank to the bathroom floor, gasping for breath. He was desperately trying to return his heart rate back to normal and not fall back asleep when she said, "I think I need another shower."

Her completely mundane statement after that experience struck him as humorous and he chuckled breathlessly into her hair. "Yeah I think we both do."

Before long they had showered again and were downstairs raiding the fridge. They were starving but the choice was limited to cold pizza as he hadn't done his weekly shopping on Friday. He winced inwardly as he thought about the reasons why he'd missed his grocery trip. He pushed those thoughts away for another time as he didn't want anything to interfere with their day together.

The day passed rapidly as they took full advantage of being young, in love, and totally alone. They watched movies, took Backup outside to play, and made out like the teenagers they often forgot they were. The day was one of the few peaceful and normal days either had had in years. Logan reveled in the total domesticity of the day. He knew he could get all too used to having her there regularly, especially if there was a repeat of the episode in the pool after he convinced her to go skinny dipping.

In the early evening, their stomachs finally drove them to seek contact with the world outside of their little cocoon. Neither was prepared to leave the house just yet so they settled for having Chinese food delivered. While they were waiting, Veronica called her dad to let him know where she and Backup were staying. He was sure Keith wasn't too happy with the situation. Being a guy, Keith probably knew they weren't planning to spend the night playing Candyland. Logan wasn't sure if Keith was pissed to the point of threatening to castrate him as Veronica wouldn't say much about their conversation. Shortly after dinner, they gave up all pretense of watching movies and headed back to his bed.

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He should have known that there was going to be a price to pay for pretending they were normal, everyday people. In his life there had never been a truly normal day allowed and apparently the fates were not happy that he'd actually managed to eke one out. He wasn't sure how it happened but he had somehow forgotten about the paparazzi and their cameras. He was so used to their presence in his life that he never forgot about them, but he was able to tune them out most days.

Sunday morning, Logan walked down to the gate to get the newspapers accumulated in the driveway. He probably would have left them but he wanted to read the Sunday comics. When he got near the gate, the reporters camped out there went into a complete frenzy, snapping pictures and shouting questions. He could refuse to acknowledge the questions about Aaron and his visit to the prison easily enough but their questions about Veronica were harder to walk away from. He didn't really care what they wrote about him but he wished they would leave her alone. Too often since Aaron's arrest, they had tried to portray her as a spurned teenage temptress or an unbalanced girl who spent her time accusing every guy she knew of murder.

He contemplated mooning the reporters but a flash of the judge's scowling face made him think better of it. He had started to walk away when one of the reporters insinuated that Veronica wanted Aaron in prison so she could seduce his son and take his money. Logan found this accusation hilarious considering Veronica would barely let him pay for dinner but it also pushed him past his tolerance level. He walked back toward the gate and grabbed the shirt of the nearest reporter.

"Veronica did not accuse Aaron of murder to seduce me for money. She accused Aaron of murder because _he did it_. The only thing she's after is justice. Now leave her the fuck alone!" He spit in the reporter's face and then headed back to the house. He made it about six feet before he gave into temptation and gave the reporters a nice view of his middle finger.

Veronica and Logan perused the papers only to find him and Aaron prominently highlighted within. Saturday's article rehashed Aaron's arrest and incarceration and was accompanied by a couple of pictures of Logan leaving the prison, obviously livid. Sunday had another piece hypothesizing on what he told the D.A. and divulging his arrest and subsequent probation. 'Well,' he thought to himself, 'all of Cliff's hard work to keep that little bit of trivia quiet is blown.'

The good news continued to amass when Wallace called Veronica to let them know he was on his way over but refused to elaborate as to why over the phone. All he would say is that they wouldn't like it.

Logan buzzed Wallace in as soon as his car approached the gate. He watched as Veronica ran out of the room to meet Wallace while he waited in the kitchen.

Logan looked up as they came into the kitchen and realized by the horror-struck look on her face that something was definitely amiss. She threw Wallace's delivery across the counter for him to enjoy.

There were pictures of Veronica and Logan throughout the tabloids. Inside were pictures of them leaving the estate on Friday afternoon, of them outside rolling around on the ground after he'd tackled her, and of them kissing when they'd taken Backup out to play. There were also pictures of Veronica alone while out walking Backup, and if he wasn't mistaken, she was wearing his clothes.

He flipped through the photographs, frowned and rolled his eyes. "Nice pictures. I really like the one of you in my shirt and pants, very cute," he snarked. He flashed a grin and then turned to read the accompanying article. The crap they made up astounded even him sometimes.

He snorted in derision and read aloud, "Logan Echolls, son of Aaron Echolls and the late Lynn Echolls, is seen here cavorting with fiancée, Veronica Mars. A source close to the couple confirms that they are engaged but have not yet set a definite wedding date."

"Marriage? Are they nuts? And who the hell is this source close to the couple?" Veronica asked with obvious outrage. He was still reading the article when he heard Wallace start talking.

"What? It wasn't me. If it had been me, I would have told them you two hated each other and were just in it for the sex," Wallace defended. "Besides if I was going to be selling stories about you two I would have my own car and wouldn't have to borrow my mom's."

"Sugarpuss, could you remind me about when you proposed to me because I'm having a hard time remembering the details. I'll admit I was drunk the other night but I'm sure I would remember something that momentous," Logan deadpanned. When he got no response, he looked up from the paper to see Veronica giving him the death glare. She wasn't happy being referred to as his fiancée.

"Hey, what's wrong with me? I happen to think I would make a great catch. Most women would be thrilled to be my fiancée," Logan replied affronted at her lack of enthusiasm. He was used to the crap they wrote about him and his family so he only found it humorous.

Veronica rolled her eyes at both boys before asking, "Why aren't you more upset about this? I didn't think you'd be happy about having our pictures and various lies about us being spread around the world."

"I'm not happy about it but what can you do?" He reasoned. "I've had so many photos published of me without my permission I don't think much about it. And hey," he said brightly as a thought occurred to him, "if they are distracted by our supposed engagement maybe they'll ignore the fact I tried to kill Aaron the other day."

"Dang, I leave you two alone for a couple of days and you get drunk, try to commit murder and get engaged. What the hell has been happening around here?" Wallace inquired.

Logan looked away at Wallace's question. He was embarrassed about his behavior the other day and didn't want to talk about it unless it was absolutely necessary. He didn't care what the tabloids wrote or what the general public thought, but he did care about what Veronica and those closest to her thought.

Veronica finally answered for him. "He and Aaron got in a little argument and Logan tried to choke him. Then he went and got drunk."

"I didn't think any of that shit they wrote was true," Wallace muttered. His statement was followed by a deafening silence until he chimed in again. "So what are you going to do about the pictures?"

Logan watched her glare down at the newspapers. He had thought she would take it as a joke like he did. She was distressed about having her picture in the papers and having lies written about her. Her anger and puzzlement over the tabloids reminded him that they were raised in vastly different worlds. He hoped that she was only upset about the fact the papers had no qualms about outright lying and not the idea of them being engaged. Not that he was thinking about marriage, but he didn't want the girl he loved being horrified at the thought of committing to him.

Finally taking her seriously, he walked over and drew her close. "If you're really that upset about the pictures, I can call Cliff and we can sue the newspapers. It probably wouldn't work but it might make you feel better."

She stared at the photos for a minute before laughing at his offer. "No, it's alright. But next time they better get some decent pictures of me, these are terrible."

Logan leaned down and kissed her gently. His hands stroked up and down her back, trying to relax her.

"Okay, that's it folks. There are other people in the room you know. If you two are going to be all kissy face, I'm outta here," Wallace interrupted.

"Sorry Wallace, we'll try to restrain ourselves," Veronica smirked.

"Yeah well, see that you do. Oh you better prepare yourself. Your dad called my mom this morning and they were discussing your newfound fame when I left. I imagine he'll be calling you to ask about it soon," he called as he headed out the door.

Around 11:30 Keith called Veronica on her cell phone. Logan stayed nearby in case her dad freaked and she needed him.

Keith must have been doing most of the talking as she remained unusually silent. Suddenly he watched her freeze and let out a squeak. "We were on Access Hollywood?" She glanced helplessly at Logan who rolled his eyes and shrugged. She glared at him again so he went back to watching the TV and listening to her half of the conversation.

"I'm fine Dad but if it'll make you happy I'll spend tonight back at the apartment…all by my lonesome. With no security system and no one there to look out for me," he heard her tack on pitifully. He shook his head at her attempt to sound helpless. Veronica helpless? That was a joke if ever he'd heard one.

There was silence again before he heard her screech, "Dad!" Hanging up, she buried her face in her hands and groaned.

"What's wrong? What did your dad say?" Logan questioned.

"Apparently in addition to our pictures being spread all over the newspapers, there is even video of us when we were outside with Backup yesterday. My dad saw it and was wondering about our engagement."

Logan cringed. "Ahh. I'm guessing that he's not very happy."

"I don't think he's angry, just worried. He's going to be home tomorrow night and wants to have a father-daughter dinner. Oh and he wants to see my ring," she snarked.

"So would you like a diamond or would you prefer to go the non-traditional route. Maybe an emerald or sapphire?" Logan suggested.

Veronica tried to glare at him but suddenly let loose a laugh.

"Does he want you to go home?" he asked worriedly. He hated the thought of her staying in the apartment alone. If he were honest with himself, he also wasn't thrilled at the thought of being left alone. He had gotten used to her and Backup's presence in the few days they had spent together and wanted them to stay.

"Actually he wanted me to go stay with Alicia and Wallace but I vetoed that idea. I said I'd just go to the lonely, unprotected apartment. He practically insisted I stay here with my intended," she finished with a grin.

"Well I guess we better make the most of the time we have left then," Logan decided. Striding over to her, he plucked her out of the chair and threw her over his shoulder, smacking her on the ass.

"What the hell are you doing? Have you lost your mind? Logan, put me down," Veronica demanded.

He continued walking up the stairs as if deaf to her protests. "If we only have a day left before your dad comes home and we get all caught up in wedding plans, we better enjoy it."

He tossed her down on the bed and climbed on top of her, covering her mouth with his own before she could get a word out. As his tongue swept inside her mouth and he settled against her, she quit protesting.


	14. Eunuchs & Missing Bodies

**Chapter 14: Eunuchs & Missing Bodies**

"So how have you been this week?" Billy asked.

For Logan the week had been an odd jumble of highs and lows. Logan looked up at his counselor and shrugged noncommittally. "I've been better and I've been worse."

"I've seen quite a few pictures of you and Veronica popping up in the papers. It must be hard having the press follow you constantly," she observed.

"It's not my idea of fun but it is what it is," he grimaced. "Over the years I've learned to pretend they aren't there most of the time." He sighed worriedly, "It's a lot harder on Veronica. I know she's trying not to let it get to her but I can tell that it is from time to time. After the press attention last spring, I think she figured she was free of it all until the trial started."

"I'm sure it must be difficult to yet again adjust to having people follow you around, snapping pictures and screaming questions. Let's face it, having someone take pictures of you while picking up dog excrement isn't exactly an everyday occurrence.

"Yeah, _that_ was a lovely choice of photos to run. She's actually doing better than I thought she would. She only sicced her dog on one report so far." Logan grinned widely as he remembered the terrified look on the paparazzi's face as the pit bull was running at him.

"Other than the problems with the press, how are things with Veronica?" she questioned.

Logan looked at his shoes, a faint blush spreading across his cheeks. "Uh, things are good. Really good."

Billy grinned as she watched Logan look at everything in the room but her. Things must have gone quite well last weekend if he was getting this embarrassed about it. "What happened?" From the newspaper articles, she knew Veronica had spent the weekend but she wanted Logan to open up and tell her how it went.

"She stayed over last weekend. We talked. It was…nice," he shrugged, trying to pull off nonchalant but failing miserably.

"Just nice?" Billy asked, raising her eyebrows in disbelief.

"OK, nice might not have been the first word that comes to mind." He didn't continue until Billy cleared her throat, wordlessly demanding an expansion to his answer. "It was great, fantastic, wonderful, indescribable," he burst out, shuffling his feet restlessly.

"I'm glad things appear to be working out for both of you," Billy said with a grin.

"There are still a few problems," he frowned.

"That's to be expected with most relationships. Care to explain what seems to be the problem?" she asked.

"Monday at school didn't go so well." He paused, remembering. "When we got to school people were staring at us like we were an exhibit at the zoo. And someone pasted clippings from the tabloids to our lockers and wrote 'whore' across her face." His fists clenched and unclenched convulsively as he relived the scene.

"That must have made you angry. What did you do?"

"Not a damned thing," he exclaimed and shot out of his chair. "I couldn't do a damned thing about it. I tore the clippings off and threw them in the trash. I promised Veronica that I wouldn't do anything to get myself in trouble and screw our relationship up. That didn't leave me with a lot of options. I couldn't do anything but sit back and let them get away with it." He flopped back down in the chair, running his fingers through his hair in frustration at his impotence to fix the problem.

"It must have been hard for you. But, there are ways of dealing with these things that aren't physical," she pointed out.

"Now you sound like Veronica. Physical is much more entertaining," he snarked. Seeing her glare of disapproval, he put both hands up in mock surrender. "Just kidding."

He said nothing for a minute, trying to decide how much to tell her about the next part. "She lied to me," he told her quietly.

"Veronica lied? About what?" Billy asked apprehensively. She knew Logan's trust issues with women better than anyone and if Veronica was lying to him it was likely to do irreversible damage.

"It was more a lie of omission. I guess, more accurately, she tried to hide information from me. I knew she was hiding something so I confronted her. I wish she would have trusted me enough to just tell me what the problem was though. I can't be with someone again that I can't trust and who can't trust me."

"What was it she tried to hide from you?"

"Duncan cornered her at school Monday morning. She tried to pretend like nothing happened and then downplayed what did when I called her on it. Yeah, her ex-boyfriend following her into the girls' bathroom to harass her is nothing, that's not stalkerish in any way!" He fumed as he paced around the room. "He tried to convince her that she should dump me and they could get back together, like some fucking fairytale. Guess he sees himself as the white knight there to take her away from the evil war lord."

"Why do you think she tried to hide it from you?"

"She was worried that I would freak out and go beat the shit out of him." He whirled around to find Billy looking at him with her 'wouldn't you?' look. "I admit my first instinct when I found out was to go beat him bloody since he obviously doesn't listen very well to verbal warnings."

Billy knew about their last encounter so she could imagine how this one would have played out if Logan had went off half-cocked. "While I don't really agree with Veronica's decision not to tell you, I can understand her hesitancy. It sounds more like she was trying to keep you out of trouble than a matter of her not trusting you."

"I know, but I need her to trust that I'm not going to do something stupid. OK, so maybe she has reason to worry, but I still want her to trust me."

"Unconditional trust takes a long time to build, especially for people that have been through what you two have been. That will come with time, Logan. It's going to take a lot for both of you to get past all of your trust issues; but, I think you're going to get there," Billy reassured him. "Now, tell me what happened with Duncan?"

"I don't think he'll be a problem anymore. Duncan won't be following her into anymore bathrooms," he explained, a self-satisfied expression adorning his face.

That look was one that Billy had learned not to trust. "Logan, you told me that you promised Veronica you would stay out of trouble. What did you do?"

"_I _did nothing that would get me in trouble. I resent the implication that I would break my promise to my girlfriend," he said sarcastically. He placed is hands on his chest in mock offence. "I didn't lay so much as a finger on Duncan."

Billy's look demanded further explanation. With a sigh, Logan enlightened her with the details about the confrontation.

_Knowing Duncan would be the last one there, Logan, accompanied by his posse, entered the locker room and waited for him to appear. He came around the corner to find Logan, alone, lounging on the bench. He turned to make his escape only to find his path blocked by Luke, Wallace, and Cassidy. They grabbed him and shoved him down on the bench._

"_You don't look happy to see us Duncan." Logan stared at this boy who had once been his family and wondered how they had gotten to this point._

"_What do you want? What's with the Goon Squad?" he asked, gesturing to the other boys._

"_Goon Squad! Oh now, I know you weren't talking about me," Wallace exclaimed. Turning to Luke he asked, "Is he talking about you & Cassidy? 'Cause he's sure not talking about me."_

"_No, I do think you were included in that classification. He did use the plural form of the word so it couldn't be just me and, no offence to Cassidy, but he's a little short to be considered a goon. What do you think Cass?"_

"_Pretty sure he meant Wallace too. I'm too cute to qualify as a goon," he added, grinning widely._

_Logan rolled his eyes at their repartee. If he didn't stop them, they'd continue on for hours, like the Three Friggin' Stooges._

"_I'm here to talk, that's all. The Stooges," Logan offhandedly gestured at the trio, "are here at Veronica's request. She wants to make sure we keep things civil. Personally, I don't see a problem with that, do you?"_

"_Whipped," Duncan muttered. _

_Logan smirked at Duncan's muttering. "Hmmm. Ain't it great?" he asked with a wink._

_Duncan turned red at his lack of reaction. Knowing Logan's temper, he had assumed the attack on Logan's manhood would bring about a violent comeback. "Fine, you want to talk to me, then talk," he snapped._

"_Stay away from her," Logan state simply. "She doesn't want you; so disappear, evaporate, whatever you need to do. Pretend she doesn't even exist." _

_Duncan raised his brow scornfully, "And if I don't? Are you going to bludgeon me with an ashtray? Like father, like –"_

_Logan cut him off before he could finish the statement. "You want to shut up right now. You might want to remember that you live in a glass house when it comes to Daddy's getting arrested." Logan took deep breaths and clenched his hands. Duncan would love nothing more than to provoke him into a fight. If he got in trouble and was out of the picture for a long time, Duncan probably thought he stood a chance with Veronica. _

"_Actually, I was thinking that you were the one that reminded me of Aaron. You both like to physically hurt women. I've never been into physically overpowering girls half my size." Logan watched Duncan's face pale at the comparison._

"_If you continue to stalk and bother Veronica, we'll be forced to tell her dad and the authorities, maybe even take out a restraining order. That wouldn't look very good on a political candidate's record," Logan threatened. A smile coated with pure malice crossed his face. "And how do you think her dad will feel if he learns that someone else has threatened his daughter? Myself, I don't think he'll take it very well."_

_Before Duncan could respond, Wallace piped in, "I don't think he'd take it well at all. As a matter of fact, he'd probably make sure the body was never found."_

"_Yeah," Beaver added with a pointed look at Duncan, "I bet as the ex-Sheriff he knows all the best places to dump unwanted trash."_

_Deciding by the look on Duncan's face that the message had been delivered and understood, Logan stood to leave. Duncan stood also, bitter hatred on his face._

"_You can keep the slut," he spat jealously. "I don't want your leftovers." He paused and suddenly smirked. "I had her first anyway."_

_Duncan didn't have long to gloat before he found himself on the ground with a broken nose. The room watched in shock as Wallace stood over Duncan, flexing his sore hand._

"_Say another word about my best friend, so much as think about her, and Logan and Keith won't be your only worries. I'll help them make damned sure no one ever finds your body."_

_Duncan lay on the floor, clutching his nose, cursing and hurling threats. Logan crouched down next to his former best friend. "That looks like it hurts. You'll probably want to have that looked at soon." He sighed, a part of him sorry to see his old friend in pain. "I am sorry it had to come to this." The sorrow didn't last long._

"_You'll pay for this," Duncan threatened._

"_Moi? I don't think so. I'm sorry you fell and hurt yourself but it's not my fault. I was never here. As a matter of fact, you are the only person who was here. The rest of us are at Casey's house playing video games." _

_One lesson Logan had learned from Aaron was to never play the game unless you were willing to get dirty. With this in mind, he decided to play his trump card. "Before I came here, Veronica told me about some interesting pictures your mother had taken. Aren't your parents about to finalize a plea bargain for obstruction charges? It would be a shame to have something come up at this late date that might jeopardize that. After all, Jake and Celeste were just protecting their precious son. Don't you agree that would be terrible?" Logan inquired._

_Duncan nodded in defeat. Standing, Logan clapped his hand on Wallace's shoulder. "Come on Rocky, let's go."_

"_Rocky? Please white boy, I'm Apollo all the way."_

"_Ha, you wish," Cassidy laughed._

_The boys continued joking on their way out the door. "I don't know abut the three of you but I'm starving. Let's go get some burgers."_

"_Fine, but you're buying," Wallace answered._

Looking up after he finished the story, Logan found Billy shaking her head. She gave him one of her patented sighs, letting him know she wasn't sure what to do with him.

"What! I kept my promise. I didn't touch him," he defended.

"Logan, threatening to kill someone and standing back when someone else beats him up isn't exactly a whole lot better." Privately, Billy thought Duncan deserved what he got and more, but she didn't want Logan to think she approved of his actions.

"Hey, I didn't know Wallace was going to hit him. Not that I would have stopped him if I'd known." He raised his hands out, palms up, and shrugged. "Sorry. I'm not perfect. Look at the bright side, as long as I'm so screwed up, you'll make a fortune off me," he beamed, wiggling his brows.

Billy shook her head and rubbed her temple. "So when did this confrontation take place."

"Wednesday."

"Anything else happen this week?"

Logan shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "I had dinner with Veronica and her father last night. Keith insisted."

"That sounds promising. He must be coming around to accepting you."

Logan looked at her like she was crazy. Rolling his eyes at her naivety, he smirked.

"Yeah, he loves me like a son," he snarked. "He let me know that he wasn't happy about the tabloid pictures. He also wanted to let me know that if I made his baby girl cry…well, let's just say the word eunuch was used."

Billy shook her head and gave up. Men were a strange breed and their communications were prehistoric, at best, sometimes. Deciding this was going nowhere, she moved to a different subject.

"Was it strange with Veronica there all weekend? Were you relieved when she went home?" Billy wondered.

He sat silently, tossing the questions around in his mind. "It was strange but…not in a bad way. It was a good strange, if that makes sense." Billy nodded encouragingly. "It was nice to have someone else there. I didn't realize until after she and Backup left just how quiet and big the house is with only me in it."

Logan thought back over the week. He hadn't slept well, spending hours in the gym, swimming, reading, anything to pass the time. He had been horribly lonely. He missed having another living, breathing, life in the house. He was going to have to find a way past this so he could sleep again.

"Have you given anymore thought to moving to a smaller place?"

"I have. I'm not sure if it's worth it at this point. A few more months and I'll be out of there for college," he rationalized.

"Is that the only reason?" Billy asked though she already knew the answer.

"No. It's my last tie to my mother. I'm not sure I'm ready to give that up yet," he sighed.

"No one is going to force you into anything at this point. You have to do what's best for you. Maybe you should consider getting a roommate or something for awhile. It would be good for you to have someone else there," she suggested.

"I'll think about it."

Their session continued for a little longer and then Logan headed out for his weekly errands. Whistling, he skipped down the building steps, tossing his keys in the air. Tonight he had a date with a beautiful woman and he could hardly wait to see her.


	15. Boys Night Out & New Additions

**Chapter 15: Boys Night Out & New Additions**

_Early-December_

Pouting was so unattractive. And contrary to his girlfriend's opinion, he wasn't pouting. He slammed the fridge shut for the third time in 15 minutes and prowled back to the living room. Throwing himself down on the couch with a sigh, he grabbed the remote and began surfing the channels again. Frustrated with the lack of anything worth watching, he threw the remote across the table. Picking up a throw pillow, he placed it on his chest, folded his arms, and stared at the ceiling. Fine, he admitted it. Logan Echolls was pouting.

"Crap!" he shouted sitting straight up on the couch as something wet touched his cheek. He turned to see Backup sitting next to the couch; sensing something was wrong, the dog had placed his wet nose against Logan's cheek. His yell must have startled Backup because the dog started growling. "Sorry buddy. I forgot you were there," he explained, rubbing his fur to soothe him.

"I know you might find this hard to believe but I had a life once upon a time. I was always out at parties, heck I started half of them. Sitting at home dog-sitting on Friday night was not something that ever happened. Hey it's not personal," he clarified when the pit bull whined. "I just meant that I've never sat at home and moped because my girlfriend was out of town. Before, I would have called up my buddies and got drunk. Or I would have hooked up with some other chick at school. Hey, I'm not going to do it. I said that before I would have done it," he explained when Backup started barking. "Sheesh, like I don't know she'd dump my ass if the thought even crossed my mind. Hell, she probably taught you to rip my throat out if I talked too long to another girl. She claims I'm jealous but she gets really pissed off if other girls start flirting with me."

He sat there silently for a few minutes, Backup now lying next to him so Logan could scratch his belly. "Why doesn't she call boy? Shouldn't she at least call and make sure I'm taking good care of you? For all she knows, I've deserted you or you might be starving." Logan sighed in frustration and looked over to see Backup's leg moving in ecstasy as Logan rubbed his belly. Ok, so Veronica probably knew she didn't have to worry about Logan abusing her baby. "I understand this weekend in Los Angeles is an annual father-daughter thing but she could call and say hello, make sure I haven't died or something."

He pulled out his phone for about the 20th time that evening to make sure he hadn't missed her call. As he set it back down, it started to play. Answering it without looking at the display he exclaimed, "Veronica!"

His exclamation was met by silence and then laughter, masculine laughter. "Dammit, you cost me $20. Dude, I knew you'd be missing your girl this weekend but from your tone you'd think it had been weeks, not hours," Luke sniggered.

"What are you talking about?" Logan demanded, flustered over being caught pining. He could hear other people shouting and laughing in the background but he couldn't make out the voices.

"I bet Wallace you would make it until tomorrow before you began waiting anxiously for her call." Logan could hear someone accusing Wallace of having inside information.

"Did you call for a purpose or were you just looking to give me shit?" Logan asked pissily.

"Hey, don't go getting all bitchy with me because your girlfriend hasn't called yet. I was calling to see if you wanted to join us for pizza and pool. But, if you're too busy waiting for your girlfriend to call, I understand," he teased.

"Who's going?"

"Casey, Wallace, Beav, I, and a couple of chicks Casey & Beav invited."

"I'll go," Logan agreed.

"Great. Come by Casey's in an hour. You're driving."

"Why do I have to drive?" he whined.

"Because you're the designated driver," Luke explained, snickering at the silence that met his statement.

"Fine. I'll drive but there's no way the five of us and two girls are going to fit in my SUV," Logan sighed.

"We figured that which is why Casey said we could take his Expedition. That should hold everyone. It's just the five of us right now. The girls are meeting us at Gino's."

"Alright, let me take a shower and then I'll be over."

Hanging up, Logan looked over at Backup. "Well buddy, it looks like I'm not spending Friday night by the phone after all. Are you going to be alright here by yourself?"

Suddenly he shook his head, "Jesus Christ, I really do need to get out of here. I'm talking to a damn dog like he's going to answer me!"

About 45 minutes later, Logan was out the door. He'd left the Cartoon Network on for Backup so the dog wouldn't get lonely. He was beginning to think Duncan was right and he was whipped after all. Veronica still hadn't called so he was determined to go out and have a good time, not wait around like a puppy for her attention.

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Three hours later, Logan took a break from playing and found himself seated at a table in the pool hall talking to a pretty brunette. He expected to find the girls that Casey & Beaver's knew to be skanky, dimwitted blondes. The one all over Beaver fit that description perfectly but the other one had turned out to be surprisingly intelligent and nice. The blonde had recognized Logan first and tried hitting on him but he quickly shut her down which is when she'd moved onto Casey. However, Casey had quickly rejected her so she'd moved onto Beav.

From his position by the pool table, Wallace kept a close eye on Logan. He knew Logan was in love with Veronica and didn't think he would cheat on her, but he couldn't help wondering what Logan and the brown-eyed, brunette were discussing. The conversation had become quite animated a few times and he could have sworn he saw the girl give Logan her number. He wouldn't have thought much about it but he'd seen Logan pocket the slip of paper and swore he heard Logan say he would call her tomorrow.

Sidling closer, he attempted to find out why they were in such deep discussion. As he got close enough to hear, he decided he'd spent entirely too much time around his best friend. He was getting a little too suspicious and too good at eavesdropping. Sipping on his Coke, he tried to block out the click of balls so he could concentrate on the conversation. All he could hear though were snippets that included the words 'roommate, companion, plenty of room, maid, and come by tomorrow'.

Wallace hoped this didn't have anything to do with the 'Diner Disaster' of last week. When Veronica told him about the incident, she had still been livid. He knew Logan getting green-eyed over the guy flirting with Veronica had led to a huge fight during which she had called him a jealous Neanderthal. While he could see Logan attempting to make her jealous with another girl, he prayed this had nothing to do with that. Besides, it didn't seem very helpful to flirt with another girl if V was not around to witness it. And surely he knew Wallace would tell Veronica if Logan was messing around with another girl.

Wallace was torn about what to do. Should he tell his BFF about it? Or did he stick to the guy's code and keep his mouth shut? Was there really anything to tell other than the fact Logan talked to another girl? And really, the girl was doing most of the talking and flirting. Logan appeared to be listening politely and answering, but there didn't appear to be much flirting from his side.

Man he missed the days when he took things at face value. Spending time with the Mars family was making him inherently suspicious about everything and everyone. Grabbing one of the cups, he poured himself a beer. He was tired of thinking.

Logan was happy he'd come out with the guys tonight. As much as he loved V and wished she was in town, it was also nice hanging out around other people again. He couldn't remember the last time he'd had a guy's night out. He decided he better keep an eye on his girlfriend's best friend as he watched Wallace start downing beers like they were Coke. From what he knew from spending time around him and Veronica, Wallace was not a drinker.

Two hours later, he was rethinking this hanging around with guys thing. The atmosphere in the pool hall was no longer raucous and fun. Now the air was heavy with stale smoke and spilt beer. And his friends were all drunk and obnoxious. The blonde girl was falling down drunk and her brunette friend had taken her in the bathroom for 'hair duty', whatever in the hell that meant.

As he tried to round-up the four drunken guys and get them back to the Expedition, he wondered if he was this bad when he was drunk. If so, he owed Veronica and a few others huge apologies. He swore as he barely pushed Wallace away in time to avoid having his shoes vomited on.

He finally got all of them in the Expedition and went back to the help the brunette with her friend. Promising to call her the next day, he jumped back in the SUV and drove to Casey's. All the boys except for Wallace piled out and headed inside the house.

"Hey Wallace, are you getting out here?" Logan inquired.

Wallace groaned. "I'm supposed to go home." He quickly shoved the door open, practically falling out of the SUV, and vomited in the driveway.

Logan sighed and rolled his eyes. "Yeah, somehow I'm thinking that's a bad plan. Your mom still hates me for bringing Veronica home crying. I don't even want to think about how she would react to me bringing her son home drunk as a skunk," Logan muttered. Throwing Wallace over his shoulder, he settled him in the back of the X-Terra. He ran inside long enough to give Casey his keys and then drove home.

By the time they got back to his house, Logan was tempted to dump Wallace's body in a ditch somewhere. Halfway home Wallace decided to serenade Logan; he wasn't a good singer. If he wasn't positive that Veronica and Mrs. Fennel would hunt him down and kill him, he would leave the boy out on the lawn to fend for himself.

Tossing Wallace's arm across his shoulders, they stumbled in the door and up the stairs. Logan cursed under his breath every time Wallace tripped and nearly pulled them down. Dumping the drunken young man on the guest bed, Logan sighed with relief. As he tried to situate Wallace, he could hear the other boy mumbling.

"What are you babbling about?" he asked testily.

"Better not hurt her or play her," Wallace mumbled.

"What the hell are you talking about now?"

Wallace opened an eye to peer up at Logan blearily. "I saw you talking to the brunette most of the night. You better not hurt V."

Logan rolled his eyes for about the tenth time that night. "Is that why you're drunk? I was just talking to the girl. Not that I owe you an explanation, but she has something that I want so I was talking to her about it. Do I look stupid enough to cheat on Veronica? Much less be dumb enough to do it in front of her best friend? I like my balls attached right where they are thank you."

"Good, I'd hate to hurt you," Wallace mumbled as he turned on his side.

"Yeah Rocky, I'm real worried about that happening," he replied amusedly, staring down at the drunken boy.

"I keep telling you, I'm Apollo dammit," he slurred.

Logan laughed as Wallace passed out. He set a garbage can next to the bed and went to find Backup. About 30 minutes later, Logan settled a blanket over himself as he sat down in a chair near Wallace's bed. Backup lay on the floor next to him. Logan figured he better keep a vigil in case Wallace needed help. The last thing he needed was a tiny blonde and an overprotective mother after him.

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The next morning Logan threw open the door to the guest bedroom. "Good morning Sunshine. Time to rise and shine!"

Wallace groaned and buried his head. Ripping the blankets and pillow away, Logan grinned sadistically. "Come now puddin', time to wake up," he teased.

He understood now the sadistic pleasure Veronica must have received when she'd done this to him. When he didn't get a response, Logan pulled out the stops. "Hey Mrs. Fennel, Wallace is right here!" he called loudly.

At the mention of his mother, Wallace, trying desperately to untangle himself from the blankets, banged his head on the headboard. Logan winced sympathetically as Wallace rubbed his head.

"Wha-Who-My mom's here?" he screeched.

"No," Logan smirked. "But, I knew that would get your attention."

"Shit," Wallace moaned, burrowing his head into the pillows.

"Come on, get up. Your mom isn't here now but she will be if you aren't home before she heads out shopping. You have a little less than two hours. That should give you time to shower and sober up a bit."

Wallace sat up gingerly, sniffing his clothes. "She's going to kill me if I come home smelling like this."

"I can loan you some sweats and a t-shirt. Hurry up if you want some food to soak up the alcohol."

Logan dropped Wallace at his house about an hour and a half later. He'd called Mrs. Navarro this morning to get the recipe for her hangover cure. After giving Wallace the drink and some cereal, he'd loaded him and Backup in the X-Terra and headed out. When Wallace asked where he was going in such a hurry all Logan would tell him was that he was picking up his new roommate. Before more questions could be asked, he drove away.

-----------------------------------------------------

Logan parked in front of the brunette's house, clasped Backup's leash to his collar and knocked on the door. The girl grinned broadly at him. "Are you ready?" she asked excitedly.

Logan nodded and followed her inside. Guiding him into the backyard, she gestured, "And here they are!"

Logan looked down to see four of the cutest Labrador puppies. "You were right, they are cute. So Backup, what do you think?"

Lanie, the brunette, looked at Backup sniffing the puppies. "Is this your girlfriend's dog? He seems like a sweetie."

"He is, unless of course you threaten Veronica. So what do you think buddy? Which one should we choose?"

"You're letting your girlfriend's dog choose your dog?" Lanie asked confusedly.

"Well, I figure it's only fair to let him have some input. They are going to be spending a lot of time together so they need to get along," he reasoned. Lanie nodded in agreement.

A solid chocolate brown puppy, without even a spot of white, came up and planted itself right in front of Backup and barked. Backup barked back, sending the other three scrambling, but the brown one stood its ground and growled. The sound seemed to startle the pit bull and he pulled back, looking at the impudent little dog. This little thing didn't seem to realize that Backup could devour it in one bite. Leaning his head down, Backup sniffed at the puppy again and then licked it.

Logan and Lanie both laughed and grinned broadly. "It looks like we have a winner," Logan smirked. "We'll take that little guy."

"Well that little guy is actually a little girl but you can have her if you want," Lanie chuckled.

Half an hour and $700 later, Logan, Backup, and the new puppy were on their way to the pet store. Logan stopped to buy the things that he would need immediately and then drove home. Once parked, Backup bolted out of the SUV, barking and jumping while Logan carried the puppy.

"Hold on buddy, let me get her inside, then you can check her out," Logan tried to reason with the dog. Once settled inside and flopped on the couch, Logan watched Backup and his new roommate playing.

He wondered what he should name the puppy; he couldn't keep calling her puppy. He laughed when the pup bit Backup on the nose causing him to jump back in shock. The pit bull turned and looked at Logan as if saying, 'What the hell?'

"Hey don't look at me buddy; you're the one who picked her. It's not my fault you picked a feisty little one that bites back. She was your choice." As he said that, an idea hit him for a name. Getting down on the floor, he picked up the little puppy and held her up in the air. "How do you like the name Sophie?" he asked. The puppy barked and began licking wherever she found a patch of skin. "Sophie it is then."

------------------------------------------

At 4:30 that afternoon, Logan's phone rang. Leaping over the dogs playing on the floor, he dove for the phone before the caller could hang up.

"Hello," he gasped into the phone. There was silence for a moment before he asked again, "Hello?"

"Logan?" Veronica asked worriedly. "Are you OK?"

"I'm fine," he breathed heavily into the phone. "I was just running to catch the phone before you hung up."

"Oh OK," she muttered. "So how are things going? Anything new or exciting?"

As he walked away from the dogs and into the other room, Logan laughed silently at her not so subtle questions. It was obvious that she must have talked to Wallace. "Oh you know, typical Saturday. How's L.A.?"

Silence hummed over the wires as Logan waited for a response. He was still a little angry about being called a Neanderthal last week and wasn't giving up a thing.

"L.A. is great, lots of shopping and sightseeing. Well, more accurately, I shopped and my dad sat in the food court waiting for me." She paused, obviously trying to plan her next move. "So how's Backup feeling?"

"Ahh, you must have spoken to Wallace," he smirked. "Backup is fine. Is your dad there?"

"He's relaxing for awhile before we go out to dinner and the play. He claims the shopping wore him out. I think he just wanted to come back and watch sports on the Plasma TV. Oh, he wanted me to thank you again for letting us use the apartment here."

"Tell him it's no problem. The apartment is just sitting there empty; someone might as well use it. Besides, the use of the place is the least of what Aaron owes you," he reasoned.

"Well, thanks anyway. Actually I found out about Backup's 'illness' from Dad who heard it from Alicia. Alicia told Dad all about how you called her this morning and let her know that Wallace had to spend the night with you to help take care of poor, sick Backup. Dad thought it was awfully strange that Backup was ill from eating bad food considering he eats garbage and never gets sick," she snarked.

"Yeah, it was terrible having to take care of a sick 'dog'," he joked. Turning serious for a moment he added, "Made me realize what you must have had to deal with before. I'm sorry about that."

Veronica laugh sounded a little choked. "That's OK, that's what you do for those you care about. Thanks for taking care of 'Backup'."

"I'd say it was no problem but it was a little gross and I had to sleep in an uncomfortable chair all night," he said, trying to sound pitiful.

"Ahh, you poor baby. Maybe I can make it up to you when I get home," she purred.

Logan shifted uncomfortably at the images her tone of voice brought to mind. Clearing his throat he muttered, "That would be good."

Veronica apparently decided the indirect approach wasn't going to work. "Actually, I did talk to Wallace for a bit. He said when you dropped him off you mentioned something about picking up your new roommate. What was he talking about?"

Logan smirked as her voice rose with every word of her question. "I told you that Billy thought I should move or get a roommate. I took her advice. I went and picked up my roomie earlier and have been getting her settled in."

"Her? Do I know _her_?" she asked bitingly.

"You've never met. She's a tiny little thing, brown hair, brown eyes. She doesn't say much but when she does talk, she's a mouthy little thing," he explained. His eyes were shining with mirth as he imagined her expression. "I think you'll like her when you get to know her."

"Does she go to school at Neptune High?" she inquired in what he was sure she thought was a neutral tone.

"She doesn't go to school right now, but I think she'll probably have to take a class or two later." 'Obedience class that is,' he added to himself.

"Oh," Veronica responded.

Logan went to check on the dogs and decided that he should probably quit teasing Veronica. He wanted to make her jealous but he didn't want her pissed off at him. He was about to explain about the puppy when he heard a crash and looked up to see Backup and Sophie looking guiltily at him over the remains of a broken vase. "Shit!" he yelled. His tone apparently scared Sophie as she promptly peed on the rug and ran out of the room with Backup close behind.

"Logan! What's going on? Who-?" Veronica asked anxiously.

"Veronica, I gotta go. Sophie & Backup just broke something. I love you and I miss you. I can't wait to see you tomorrow. Bye," he rushed out, hanging up before she could respond.

Throwing the phone back down on the couch, he ran out of the room in hot pursuit of the dogs. He came across Sophie cowering by the front door. He stared down at her, hands on his hips and a scowl on his face. "And what was that young lady? Geez, next time do you think you could try not to pee on the Persian rug?"

As he squatted down to grab the shaking puppy, she started whimpering and Backup growled. "Calm down boy, I'm not going to hurt her." Picking the puppy up, he held the puppy, stroking her until she calmed down. "Alright you two, let's say we go outside and run around for awhile. Maybe that way you two will wear off some energy and we won't have any more accidents."

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_Around 3 pm Sunday_

Logan was rethinking his new role as a 'Puppy Daddy'. So far the little rascal had broken a vase, peed in the house three times, chewed up a shoe, and tried to bathe in her water dish twice. Having grown up with maids his whole life, he wasn't used to cleaning up messes and he wasn't enjoying it. Getty her potty trained was his first priority. A few more accidents and the Persian rug would be unsalvageable. It didn't help matters that Backup was her cohort. If Logan so much as glared at Sophie, Backup would start barking at him.

Right now he was relishing a much needed break as the dogs were sound asleep. He wouldn't mind a nap himself as Sophie had made him get up three times during the night to take her outside.

Logan was starting to doze on the couch when he heard a key in the lock. Jumping up, he ran for the foyer. He wasn't expecting Veronica until later, but it could only be her.

As soon as she had the door shut, Logan rushed forward and pulled her into a kiss. He groaned loudly as his tongue sought and received entrance to her mouth. Their tongues tangled together as his hands found their way under her shirt. One hand lightly stroked the exposed skin between her skirt and t-shirt while the other covered her breast. When oxygen finally became a necessity, he tore his mouth away from hers and nuzzled his face into her neck, hugging her tightly.

"Hello to you too," she whispered. "Does this mean you missed me?"

He could hear the smile in her voice as she spoke. He couldn't keep his own smile contained as he placed a string of kisses along her neck. "Oh, were you gone?"

He smirked when she smacked him on the shoulder. "Next time you go out of town with your dad, you have to pack me in your suitcase. Two nights without even a kiss is entirely too long."

The smile his admission elicited nearly blinded him. Placing a hand on either side of her face, he drew her forward and placed a slow, tender kiss on her lips. A soft sigh escaped her as his hands traveled down her body. One hand trailed down her hips and under her skirt, lifting it up as he traced patterns on her thigh. Things heated up quickly as her soft hands, went under his shirt and trailed across his chest and stomach.

Pulling back, Logan quickly yanked his shirt off and also made quick work of Veronica's shirt. He groaned in appreciation of her choice of undergarments. Someone had obviously visited Victoria's Secret on her trip to the city.

Her bra was pink lace trimmed in black; he couldn't wait to find out if she was wearing matching panties. He reached behind her and quickly undid her skirt, dropping it to the floor. His breath backed up in his lungs at the sight of her in her new lacey bra and matching panties. He knew he'd never look at her the same again. Every day he'd go crazy wondering just what she was wearing underneath her clothes.

She grabbed him by the waistband of his jeans and pulled him into another kiss. All thoughts, except getting inside of her as soon as possible, fled as her fingers made quick work of his fastening and slipped inside to cup him. She pushed his jeans and boxers down, trailing her fingers over his ass, squeezing it as she rubbed against him. He almost fell over getting his clothes the rest of the way off and kicked to the side. Then he practically ripped her new lingerie in his haste to finish undressing her.

Once she was nude, he pushed her back against the door and covered one nipple with his mouth while his hand teased the other. He trailed his mouth across her chest to the other nipple, reveling in her little gasps of breath. Moving back up, he covered her mouth with his again. His hands slid over her body, one hand going down to part her thighs. He groaned with delight as his hand found her already wet.

His fingers parted her, wetting his fingers with her moisture. He drew his fingers along her pussy until reaching her clit, circling it a few times teasingly before gently pinching it. Her head banged back against the door and she sobbed in pleasure.

He let loose a few cries of his own as her hands moved over his body, fingers trailing across his cock. In the last few months, they had learned a hundred different ways to make each other gasp and moan. He knew he had to end the teasing and bury himself inside of her a minute later when she squeezed his cock.

Sliding his hands around to the back of her thighs, he gently tugged her up and she wrapped her legs around his waist. He stared into her eyes as he slid inside her wetness. He withdrew almost all the way and then thrust back inside. He kept this up a few more times until she dug her heels into his ass, refusing to let him withdraw again.

He tried to keep it slow and gentle but the feel of her squeezing him quickly eroded his control. He began slamming into her with more force, her cries being swallowed by him as he thrust his tongue into her mouth. Dragging his mouth away from hers, he moved his lips along her jaw, stopping when he got to her ear. He began whispering all his dirty thoughts into her ear.

"Fuck, Veronica. You are so hot, so tight. I want to fuck you so hard that you feel like I'm permanently imprinted on your soul. I want the thought of another man touching you to feel like sacrilege. If I could, I would keep my cock permanently embedded inside of you, feeling your pussy squeezing me tight."

He had been both shocked and thrilled when he discovered that dirty talk turned her on. It had been purely by accident that he'd found out that little bit. Not even thinking about what he was saying, he had slipped and made a few comments to her one night while they were making out. Pulling back, he'd expected to see shock or anger in her eyes but instead he'd seen a spark of desire he hadn't anticipated. Deciding to push it a little farther, he'd continued whispering his thoughts to her. She had turned a beautiful shade of pink but had been unmistakably turned on. That night turned into one long fuckfest.

As he continued to pump inside of her, he could feel himself nearing completion. Placing one hand in between them, he caressed her clit. He pumped into her harder and faster, moving his hand to place both on her ass and hold her close. He could feel her walls milking him as he thrust one more time and held himself still.

When his mind began to clear, he became aware of Veronica moving frantically, trying to reach her own release. Keeping one hand on her ass to hold her up, he took one of her hands and placed her fingers on her clit. In turn his hand moved to her nipple, fondling it, tugging gently on the nipple. His mouth covered hers, his tongue sweeping in to tangle with hers as he moved his hips against her. Soon he felt her start coming apart and pushed in as deep as he could, holding still as she ripped her mouth away from his and cried out.

He held her tight, burying his head against her neck as they both came down. His legs were feeling weak but he couldn't stand the thought of separating from her. When their breathing returned to normal, he gently pulled out and set her back her feet. Pushing her hair back, he placed his forehead on hers and kissed the tip of her nose.

"Shit!" he exclaimed suddenly.

"If that's your idea of a romantic way to end sex, you really need to rethink that plan," she snarked. "What's wrong?"

"I'm so sorry, Veronica. I wasn't thinking. I swear I didn't for it to happen," he pleaded.

"What? What happened? You're seriously freaking me out here Logan."

Looking at her sheepishly he confessed, "I forgot to use a condom."

She looked at him wide-eyed before letting out a big sigh. "That's all. Dammit, you dang near gave me a heart attack."

"That's all? That's kind of a big deal," he said.

"Relax. I told you before that I went on birth control," she reminded him.

"I know, but still it's not full-proof. And I know better. I shouldn't have let it happen."

"Calm down. It's ok. Considering I'm going to start my period in a few days, it's nothing to sweat about. Did you not pay attention in Health class?"

"I was too busy checking out the nude pictures," he smirked. Pulling her head to his chest he explained, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to freak you out. I panicked. I just want to make sure you're alright."

"It's OK," she soothed. "You take good care of me. It was an accident and you weren't exactly alone in the action. It's as much my fault as yours." They both remained silent for a minute.

Suddenly she started giggling. "What's so funny?" he asked.

Mischievously she grinned at him. "So do you greet all the women that come through your door that way?"

"Just the ones that have a key," he smirked.

"Huh, so you and Mrs. Navarro-" she snarked.

"Ewww. You think you're so cute. I only greet the blondes that have a key."

"Ah, well that's a relief. I would hate to think all the women you know get that kind of greeting. Killing them all could become tiring," she explained. "What about your new roommate?" she asked suspiciously.

"That will never be an issue with my roommate. Besides, she has brown hair," he smirked.

Bending over, Logan began to gather their clothes, first helping her put on her panties and bra. He stared at her clad in her new undergarments and had to comment. "I really like your new outfit. I think I'll get you a few more of these for Christmas."

"Ha. Ha. My dad would love that. I can just imagine his expression when I open those," she joked.

"Like I'm stupid enough to give you that kind of gift in front of Keith. We've managed to keep the other gift a secret. I've become attached to my life, thanks." Standing in the foyer clad in their underwear, he grabbed her and placed teasing kisses against her mouth, tickling her. As they finished dressing, Logan heard a noise from the living room.

"Uh oh. Sounds like my roommate woke up," he sighed.

"You're roommate? And you are just now telling me that she's in the other room," she gasped, turning bright pink. "We had sex in your foyer when your roommate was in the other room sleeping! What if she'd walked in here?" she smacked him on the arm, obviously horrified at the thought.

"I really don't think it would have been an issue if she'd walked in on us." He couldn't stop the grin from spreading as she narrowed her eyes dangerously. "Come on, let's go introduce you two." Grabbing her hand he tugged her reluctantly towards the living room.

"Logan! What the hell are you thinking? Letting some girl you just met move in here? And what do you mean it's not a problem if she walked in on us? Did you think we'd just have a little threesome?" she shot the questions off rapidly, never letting him even think of answering.

Logan laughed and rolled his eyes. "Believe me, none of this is an issue. Come on now, she's in here."

Pulling her into the living room, he watched her look around with a frown forming as she didn't see anyone else in the room. Perplexedly she turned to him, "Where is she? I don't see anyone else in here."

"Over there," he pointed towards the fireplace. He watched as she turned and he knew the second she saw the puppy. Sophie was standing with front paws placed on Backup's prone body. When she saw Veronica, she started barking at her.

"Oh my God. You got a puppy, she's adorable!" Veronica exclaimed. Reaching out, she smacked him on the back of his head.

"Ouch! What the hell was that for?" he asked angrily, rubbing his head.

"That was for letting me think you moved in with some strange girl," she explained.

"Now, I never said anything about moving in with a human roommate. You got that misinformation from other people gossiping and jumping to conclusions." He raised his brow at her and she turned pink with embarrassment. "Does that mean you were _jealous_?"

Veronica cleared her throat and glanced up at him. "I don't know if jealous is exactly the right word…" He stood there, staring until finally she threw her arms up in exasperation. "Fine, I admit it. I was jealous. Now are you happy?"

He beamed and pulled her close. "I'm just happy to know that my girlfriend is a Neanderthal too." He kissed her until Sophie started barking again.

Letting go of Veronica, he walked over and picked Sophie up and brought her over. "Veronica I'd like you to meet Sophie." He started to pass the puppy over but Sophie started squirming and barking at Veronica.

Logan pulled her back, shocked at her behavior. As soon as he pulled the puppy against his chest, she started licking him and panting happily.

Veronica stared at the pair, brows shot up in surprise. "Your puppy doesn't seem to like me very much."

"I don't know what her problem is," he said, frown forming between his brows.

Backup, who'd awoken from all the noise, walked over to Veronica. Veronica reached down and began rubbing him. "Hi boy. How're you doing? Did you miss me?" Backup barked and licked her.

Sophie began squirming and started barking until Logan put her down. Trotting over to Backup, she barked at him and then turned to leave the room. Logan laughed as Backup stared at the puppy and quickly followed after her.

Veronica stood there in shock. "What in the heck was that?" she asked confusedly.

"Heck if I know what that was about. I don't know why she acted that way."

"No, not that. What's with her barking and taking off and Backup following her."

Logan chuckled. "She is apparently the boss of that relationship. She barks and he listens." He paused, reflecting for a minute. "She reminds me of someone else."

She gasped, "I am not like that. I do not bark and expect you to follow me." She was pressed against him, running her hands up and down his chest and tilted her head slightly.

Logan burst out laughing. "No, you just do that head tilt thing and then I hear _Logan honey could you…_"

"I'm not that bad," she sniffed as he snorted in amusement. Glaring she threatened, "Just be lucky I don't throw in the hair flip, I'd own you."

"You already do," he added seriously, kissing her.

--------------------------------------------------------------

_Mid-December_

As Logan approached the table at lunch, he saw Wallace pointing and laughing at Veronica. He wondered what Wallace was teasing her about now. She looked more embarrassed than upset.

He walked up, placing his hands on her shoulders, squeezing lightly and kissed the top of her head. "Hey Veronica, Wallace. How's it going?'

Wallace chuckled and wiggled his brows at Veronica. She stuck her tongue out at him.

"What's up with him today?" Logan asked.

"Nothing, he's just being an idiot," she answered.

"Hmmm. So, um, I have a favor to ask," Logan told her hesitatingly. He looked up in time to see her cringe. He went on to hastily explain. "You know I wouldn't ask if it wasn't necessary. I have to meet with the D.A. and run some errands. I'd ask Mrs. Navarro to stay late but she has an appointment. I should be home around 6:30, no later than 7."

It was true that the housekeeper had an appointment but she had offered to cancel. He had a few ulterior motives for keeping Veronica occupied this afternoon.

He watched her bury her face in her hands and groan. "I'll bring home dinner from Mario's," he cajoled.

"Tiramisu?" she asked. When he nodded she muttered, "Fine, fine." He was about to thank her when she waved her hand to shut him up. "I'll go to your house and take care of Sophie until you get there."

Wallace could no longer control his laughter and gasped for air. "H-h-have fun V. G-good luck, you'll need it." He laughed so hard, he eventually fell off the bench.

"It's not funny," she snapped. "That damn dog hates me. She's out to make me miserable."

"I don't get it. I don't know why she acts like such a brat when you are around. She doesn't act that way around anyone else. She loves Mrs. Navarro," Logan told her.

"Oh sure, rub it in a little more why don't you? That little ball of fur is a menace."

Cassidy and Luke sat down at the table as she finished her complaint. "Are you talking about Sophie again?" Luke asked. The puppy had been the topic of conversation frequently in recent days.

Logan rubbed Veronica's leg comfortingly and whispered in her ear, "If I have to I'll lock her up in another room." Veronica grinned and leaned her head on his shoulder.

While he found the puppy's obvious jealousy of Veronica humorous, he was tired of her constant interruptions. Any time he and Veronica got close to each other, Sophie would start barking and wiggle her fat little body between them. Last night they had been on his bed, kissing, his hand under Veronica's shirt, when Sophie got up on the bed and squeezed herself between them.

She barked and refused to move until Veronica and he separated. Veronica had left a few minutes later and he had been left with a raging hard-on and a barking puppy. He talked to a doggie obedience school about what to do and they suggested leaving the two alone for a while. That was part of his reason for wanting Veronica over there today. He could only hope it would work.

-------------------------------------------------

Late in the afternoon, Logan sat inside his X-Terra parked outside the Mars Investigations office and took a deep breath. He hadn't lied to Veronica about having errands after his meeting; he just didn't explain what those errands were. Taking another breath, he climbed out of the vehicle and walked up to the door.

He would rather be almost anywhere else. The thought of getting up in court to testify against Aaron didn't make him this nervous. His meeting with the D.A. had been to go over the testimony he would give next month when Aaron went to trial.

The day Aaron's trial had been set had been a huge relief for everyone. His attempts to delay had finally been exhausted. They could only hope the trial would bring an end to this nightmare. Veronica and her father were willing to give the system another shot to get it right but Logan still had his doubts. He very much feared all would be for naught and Aaron would be released. He knew if that were to happen, none of them would be safe. He had no doubt whatsoever that Aaron would attempt to kill each and every one of them.

None of that made Logan half as nervous as what he was about to do. He wiped his sweaty palms on his jeans and walked through the doorway. He walked up to Keith's office door to find him kneeling in front of his safe. Logan cleared his throat and knocked lightly.

"Mr. Mars?"

Keith turned around and looked surprised to see him there. "Logan. Veronica's not here right now."

"I know, sir. She's puppy-sitting for me. Actually, I came to talk to you if you have time," he explained. He cleared his throat and shifted nervously from foot to foot.

Keith's brows shot up at Logan's request. "OK." Nodding to one of the chairs, he added, "Have a seat. So what would you like to talk about?"

Logan sat down, all the while telling himself to quit fidgeting. "Um, I'd like to talk to you about Veronica. More specifically, I wanted to talk about New Year's and Veronica…sir." He knew he might be overdoing the politeness but he knew being snarky right now wouldn't help his case.

Keith leaned back in his chair and stared Logan down. He could tell the boy was a nervous wreck and supposed he should feel sorry for him but he couldn't bring himself to do it. "And what specifically about New Year's did you want to discuss?"

"I would like to take Veronica to Catalina Island for New Year's Eve," he rushed out.

"Have you talked to Veronica about it?" Keith asked.

"Not yet. I wanted to clear it with you before I said anything. I had hoped to surprise her with the trip for Christmas."

"Well, I don't see a problem with you going over there for the day."

Logan cleared his throat and then straightened up and looking Keith in the eye. "Actually, I wanted to take her there for the weekend. I was thinking that we could go over on Friday and come back Sunday."

"Oh," Keith said. He wasn't stupid enough to think that his daughter was staying in Logan's guest room when he was out of town. Any chance he'd had of fooling himself was destroyed by the tabloid pictures a few months ago. But, just because he was aware things were more intimate than he'd like, it didn't mean he had to like it or enjoy being smacked in the face with it.

"I know you probably aren't thrilled with the idea of us going away for the weekend. Heck, I know you aren't that happy about our dating. But, with the trial coming, she's becoming tense and I thought it would be nice for her to get away from it all for a few days. Things are going to get crazy next month and I'd like one last weekend to pretend we are normal. It could be something nice to remember when the circus turns into a frenzy."

Keith's silent stare was making Logan even more nervous, but he was trying not to show it. The last thing Keith would want for his daughter was a guy who couldn't stand up for himself. "I love Veronica more than I've ever loved anyone else. More than I ever thought I could love someone. I promise I'll take good care of her, protect her."

They both knew Logan was talking about a lot more than a weekend in Catalina. He was promising Keith he would take care of her for a very long time. They both loved the young, blonde girl and wanted nothing but the best for her.

Keith sighed tiredly. "Logan, I don't dislike you or object to Veronica dating you specifically. She's my little girl. I hate seeing her serious about anyone at this point because I want to see her achieve all her goals and not get distracted or give them up. She _is_ going to go to college."

"Yes sir, she is going to college. I would never interfere with that. I don't want to keep Veronica from accomplishing anything she wants. I just want the chance to be there and help her when I can," Logan explained.

Keith stayed silent for a minute, accepting Logan's response as the truth. In his heart, he could feel yet another of the strings holding his little girl to him break. Later, he would discuss the situation with Alicia and hopefully she would be able to help him learn to let go.

He wished he could pretend his baby was still little and innocent. However, she was neither of those things anymore and he would have to accept it. Before long, she would be moving away for college and he would be forced to let go. Heck, some day she'd probably be married to the boy in front of him so he may as well learn to deal now.

Finally, Keith nodded to Logan. "You can take her to Catalina for the weekend. _But_, I expect her to call and check in periodically during the weekend to let me know she's alright."

Logan moved his head up and down eagerly, "Not a problem sir."

"So are you going to tell Veronica about our visit?" Keith questioned.

"Only that I asked your permission to take her to Catalina. The rest was just two men talking. I imagine she's mad enough at me right now. She's probably planning my demise if I don't get home soon and relieve her of Sophie duty."

Keith laughed at the mention of Logan's new roommate. "She's told me about your new puppy. It seems that your two women aren't very fond of each other."

They talked about Veronica and Sophie's mutual jealousy for a few more minutes before Logan stood to leave. He had called in dinner and needed to go pick it up.

He stood up and held his hand out to Keith. "I promise I'll take good care of our girl," he promised.

Keith shook his hand and looked him in the eye. "I still stand by my previous promise to make you a eunuch if you hurt her."

Logan grinned cheekily, "I would expect nothing less. Of course, you'll have to stand in line behind your daughter to do it."

Keith laughed and acknowledged that he was probably right. He finally told Logan to go feed his daughter.

----------------------------------------------------------

Logan entered his house carrying a bag of take-out food and was almost immediately greeted by Sophie. Picking the Labrador up with his free hand, he was surprised to find her fur wet. "Hey there, Sophie. What have you been doing that got you all wet? I hope you haven't been giving Veronica too hard of a time."

The puppy squirmed against him and licked his hand. As he approached the kitchen, he called out Veronica's name. She came out of the nearby bathroom dressed in his clothes and rubbing a towel over her wet hair.

"Hey," she greeted.

Sitting Sophie and the food down, he walked over to her. "Hey yourself," he responded. He kissed her before asking, "What happened? Why are you and Sophie both wet?"

"I went out on the patio a little while ago and Sophie ran past me and out the door before I could stop her. She went running across the patio, slipped and fell into the pool. She panicked and went under so I had to jump in to get her," she explained.

Logan grabbed her and pulled her to his chest, kissing the top of her head. "Are you alright? Is Sophie OK?"

"We're fine. The biggest problem was the fact Sophie freaked and tried fighting me. I got a few scratches and I think your little miss will probably avoid the pool for awhile. Other than that, no lasting effects."

Logan picked up her hands and kissed her scratches. "Thank you for jumping in to get her. I'm sorry she did that. Will it make you feel better if I tell you that I brought home lots of pasta and tiramisu?"

"Yummy! Let's eat," she exclaimed and ran to the counter where he'd set the food.

Logan was relieved to see that she seemed more amused than upset about her dip in the pool. He had worried that he'd get home to find Sophie locked in a closet somewhere because Veronica was tired of her yapping.

Dinner was a nice, relaxed affair. They joked and played around. Logan teased her mercilessly about the amount of food she ate. In retaliation, Veronica asked him if he wasn't eating much because he was on a diet to protect his girlish figure.

After dinner they curled up on the couch to watch TV. They had been lying on the couch together for about half and hour before it hit Logan that Sophie was curled up by their feet. He couldn't believe that the puppy was not barking and growling at Veronica nor trying to squeeze in between them. He tapped Veronica lightly and pointed to Sophie.

"She's not trying to interrupt us," he whispered into her ear.

"I know. It's great," she smiled smugly.

Her smile was one that she usually reserved for when she had suckered him. "What did you do?" he asked suspiciously.

"Nothing, she and I came to a mutual understanding," she explained. He stared at her questioningly. "Shush, now. I'm trying to watch the show."

She turned back facing the TV and refused to elaborate. He shook his head in amusement and settled back down. He just wanted to enjoy this brief period of quiet with his girls.


	16. Presents & Long Talks

**Chapter 16: Presents & Long Talks**

_Christmas Eve _

Logan stood nervously outside Veronica's door, shifting from foot to foot. He was having trouble raising his hand to knock. He wanted nothing more than to turn around, go back home, and pretend he'd never been here. However, Veronica was inside waiting for him and he knew she would be crushed if he didn't show up. She was excited about their first Christmas as a couple, determined that this year would be his best Christmas ever. He hadn't the heart to tell her that he was dreading this holiday season.

Christmas around the Echolls' house had, like everything else, been a time of illusion, a sham. His mother had loved this time of year though. She thrived on throwing the big, elaborate parties and lavishing him with numerous, very expensive gifts. He knew she'd given him all those gifts because it was the only way she could show her love and to silently apologize for another year of beatings that she did nothing to stop. Each year she drowned herself in alcohol and drugs to block out the unpleasantness while painting a happy façade for the public. Despite all her faults, he desperately missed his mother this year. There was a giant void in his life that he knew would never be completely filled again.

He couldn't help but wonder if, wherever his mother was, she felt at all guilty for leaving him alone. Logan wished he could get a handle on his emotions. He alternated between missing his mother so much it physically hurt to being so angry with at her for neglecting to stop his Father for doing nothing all those years, and then finally abandoning him, that he actually hated her. Billie explained that these feelings were there all the time but the holidays just brought it all to the forefront as he was continually subjected to the happy images society put forth.

He thought back to this time last year. He wondered for the thousandth time what his life would have been like if the stalker had actually succeeded in killing Aaron. Would Lynn still be alive? Would they ever have discovered the truth about Lilly's murder? Would he and Veronica ever have gotten together?

Sophie sat on her haunches, staring up at him as if asking what the heck he was waiting for; she was ready to go inside. She whined and rubbed against his pant leg but he didn't even notice. Apparently deciding they might be out there all night if it was left up to him, she let out a few sharp barks and scratched at the door.

Her barking and the sound of Christmas carols playing when another apartment door opened finally snapped Logan from his trance. He heard the sound of Backup barking inside and raised his hand just as Veronica yanked the door open.

"Merry Christmas," she exclaimed with such enthusiasm he wondered briefly if she might be high on the scent of pine needles.

"Hi," he answered, trying to put forth an enthusiastic demeanor. Suddenly realizing what she had said he hastily added, "Merry Christmas to you, too."

They stood there looking at each other for a few moments before Sophie yanked on her leash and Logan fell forward a little, bumping into Veronica. They both laughed a little, the tension momentarily relieved. He kissed her briefly on the lips as Keith was standing nearby watching them.

She grinned at him, understanding his reluctant behavior. Veronica bent down to pet Sophie and undo her leash so she could go join Backup. Standing back up, she grabbed Logan's hand, linking hers to it, and dragged him further into the apartment to mingle with Keith and the Fennels.

He stayed at Veronica's apartment for almost four hours. They watched Christmas specials on TV, ate, and exchanged presents.

Veronica was rendered almost speechless when she opened her new camera lens and diamond earrings, in the unmistakable blue Tiffany's box, but the tickets to Catalina pushed her over the edge and she started crying. She looked nervously at Keith, who revealed that he knew and had already green lighted the trip, and then she launched herself at Logan, nearly knocking him over in the process.

Logan laughed when he opened a t-shirt with the words 'Sophie's Daddy' screen-printed across the chest. He was stunned when he opened an expensive new watch. On the back she had the jeweler engrave their names and the year. He was amazed by the extravagance and obvious sentiment behind the gift. He looked up to see her standing next to him, biting her lip. He realized he must have been quiet for a while but unable to express in words how he felt, he pulled her close and kissed her. Then, burying his face in her neck to hide the tears that had sprung forth, he whispered to her how much he loved her and his present.

When they pulled away, Logan saw that her eyes were once again wet with tears but she was grinning broadly. He kissed her again and then looked up to find the rest of the room's occupants staring at them with knowing grins. They both flushed and cleared their throats before pulling apart.

Logan was touched when Alicia and Darrell gave him a new collar, leash, and personalized water and food dishes for Sophie. Wallace took a page from Veronica's book and gave him a special made t-shirt, only his said 'Property of Veronica Mars'. Everyone laughed when Veronica turned bright red and started denying that she treated him like her property. Logan laughed and told her that it was okay, he was perfectly content to being nothing more than a piece of meat.

Fortunately, Veronica had let him know the Fennels were buying him presents so he came prepared. She had gone with him to the mall and helped him pick out a nice silk scarf for Alicia and video games for Darrell and Wallace.

Keith gave Logan some puppy pads and dog biscuits while Logan gave him tickets to a baseball game. When Keith realized that the tickets were behind home plate, he excitedly hauled Logan into a hug and let Veronica know she might have to worry about her favored child status. Logan tried to act nonchalant but couldn't keep from smiling and being thrilled that everyone seemed to like their presents. This was a Christmas he would never forget no matter what happened during future holidays.

All in all Logan ended up having a good time with the Mars-Fennel clan and loved his gifts, but he had to admit to a sense of great relief when he was finally able to go home. He felt terrible that Veronica was trying so hard to remain cheerful and make the holiday fun, but he could not shake the melancholy feeling that had overtaken him a few days ago. Since he hadn't been all that depressed in recent months, he hadn't really believed Billie when she had warned him that he would mostly likely have some problems during the holidays. Now he wished he had listened a little more closely to her warning.

He trudged into his room, settled Sophie into her spot on the bed, and stripping his clothes headed into the bathroom. He'd had a headache all day but had managed to push it back while at Veronica's place. Now it was back in full force and seemed to be growing. Along with the headache, he could feel a pressure in his chest building. He downed some medication for the headache and slipped into a steaming hot shower.

Resting his head on his forearms, Logan leaned against the wall and let the hot water beat down on his muscles, sore from being tensed for hours. He had no idea how long he stood there before he realized that the moisture on his face was not just from the shower. He reached up and swiped away the tears he hadn't known he was shedding. Willing them to stop had no effect, they just kept falling.

Logan wasn't sure how long he sat on the floor before he calmed down. He reached up and turned the water off but remained on the floor of the shower. He wasn't sure if he was crying for the mother he'd lost years before she did her swan dive, for the father that was never able to love him the way he needed, for everything that was lost, or for everything that never was.

He finally dragged himself off the shower floor and after quickly drying off, he crawled into bed. His head was pounding so badly it was like someone was playing drums inside of his skull. Sophie came over and curled up next to his chest like she always did and sensing something was wrong, she nuzzled her head against his neck and licked him. Though still upset and teary-eyed, Logan couldn't help but smile slightly. Finally both of them settled down and fell asleep.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_Christmas Day – early afternoon_

Logan had been staring at the phone in his hand for the last hour. Veronica was expecting him to join her at the Fennel home for dinner in less than an hour. He couldn't do it. No matter how much it might hurt her feelings there was just no way he could go spend the afternoon around a group of jovial people when all he wanted to do was curl up and sleep. Taking a deep breath, he finally made the call.

"Merry Christmas Logan," she answered eagerly. "Are you on your way?"

"Uh, hey Veronica," he choked out. His voice sounded rusty and unused.

"Logan, is there something wrong? Are you okay?" she asked worriedly.

"I'm not feeling very good."

"What's wrong with you?"

"I'm feeling nauseous and achy. I think it might be the flu," he lied. He really didn't feel well as his headache was rapidly turning into a migraine which really was making him sick, maybe not as sick as he was making himself out to be, but still sick. However, he knew she would insist that he would feel better if he was out amongst people.

"The flu," she repeated skeptically. "You were fine last night."

"No, I wasn't," he mumbled quietly.

"What did you say?"

"I felt a little nauseous and tired last night but I tried to write it off as nothing. But, then I woke up this morning and felt even worse. Anyway, I think it is best if I just stay home. I wouldn't want anyone else to get sick on Christmas day after all." He felt another twinge of guilt but pushed it away.

"I could come over. You shouldn't be alone," she insisted.

"No!" he all but shouted. Lowering his voice he continued, "No, you should go to the Fennels' house and have dinner and have fun, just like you planned. Your dad and everyone else would be disappointed if you didn't come. Besides, all I'm probably going to do is eat some soup and get some sleep. That would be no fun for you and would just make me feel guilty for dragging you away from where you want to be." He was sure that he sounded pitiful and whiny.

"Oh, okay. I guess that would probably be best then," she said rather despondently.

He could almost see her standing there with tears in her eyes and lower lip caught between her teeth. It made him feel like an even bigger asshole.

"Maybe you could bring me over some leftovers tomorrow," he offered.

"Sure. I'll just give you a call and see if it's convenient," she snapped peevishly. Obviously she was pissed off at him and thought he was making up excuses not to come.

Sensing she was on the verge of hanging up, he called out, "Veronica."

"What?" she barked.

"I love you. Merry Christmas," he added, realizing he hadn't said it earlier.

It was a few seconds before she answered. He had about given up hope of her saying anything before she hung up. Finally she responded.

"I love you too, Logan. Merry Christmas," she whispered right before she hung up.

He hung up his end of the line and set the phone back on the table. The sheets rustled as he rolled onto his side. He buried his face in the pillow he had clutched to his side and tried to go back to sleep. He had only gotten up once so far and that was to feed Sophie, refill her water dish and let her outside. He had left her downstairs with the puppy pads on the laundry room floor.

Drifting off, he hoped that Veronica had a good time with the Fennels. She deserved to have a fantastic Christmas.

Hours later, Logan still lay in his bed, light no longer tried to peek through his shades. He stared at the wall, unmoving, unseeing for the last few hours. He had neither the energy, nor inclination to get up, to turn on the TV or even the radio. Vaguely he heard his bedroom door crack open but it sounded so far away he didn't comprehend exactly what it was.

The bed dipped as Sophie leapt atop it and snuffled around him frantically. He tried to push her away from him but she kept coming back and deciding it was too much effort, he quit pushing her. Seconds later, he heard Veronica speak.

"Logan? Logan, are you alright?" she whispered hesitantly.

When he didn't respond, he heard her approach and kneel on the bed, reaching over to touch his forehead. He flinched faintly when her skin touched his.

"Logan," she called again, this time firmness in her voice. She tugged on his shoulder until he rolled over onto his back and stared blankly at her.

He barely registered the look of pain that crossed her face at his non-response. He could hear her talking but he couldn't find the energy to answer her.

"Oh Logan. Have you been lying here all day? Why didn't you call me? I would have come over," she lectured. There was little heat behind her words though as she lay down and curled up next to him, one arm sliding under his neck and another flung across his chest. She pulled his head down to rest on her chest and continued talking to him in low, soothing tones.

He wasn't listening to her words but he knew they were meant to comfort. He turned into her embrace and buried his face against her, absorbing her strength. He once again felt the tears fall but this time there was someone there to hold him.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

_Thursday - December 29th _

Logan was on his way to Billie's office, having just left that of his parole officer. He was grateful that both of them had agreed to move his appointments to Thursday this week. He wanted to get an early start over to Catalina with Veronica tomorrow and he didn't want to be held up because of his appointments. He was feeling much better than he had on Christmas day. He was still feeling a little disconnected from the whole holiday thing but he wasn't so weighed down by depression that he could not get out of bed. When his name was called, he walked into Billie's office, unsure of how much he wanted to tell her about this last week.

"Hello Logan." Billie welcomed. She watched him intently for a sign of how he was feeling. "So how was your Christmas?" She was unsurprised when he merely shrugged and mumbled something.

She had been extremely worried about how he would address the holidays. He had refused to acknowledge that he might have trouble with them. He had been remarkably free of depression in the time she had treated him, but the holidays had a funny way of bringing it out in even the strongest of people. Her fear had reached new heights when she had received a rather frantic phone call late Christmas night from Veronica Mars.

To say she was surprised to hear from the teenager was an understatement. She still wasn't sure how the girl had gotten her private number but figured as a private investigator she probably had ways of getting all kinds of personal information.

Veronica confided to her that she'd come over and found Logan curled up in bed, staring off into space. She was fairly certain he had been there all day. Billie had been worried but told the young girl that depression over holidays was common. She advised Veronica to let him continue to wallow for the night but if he didn't at least make some effort to snap out of it the next day then she should exercise some tough love and let him know she wouldn't put up with that behavior. She had told Veronica to give her a call if Logan was uncooperative. The girl had promised to do that and since she hadn't heard back from her she could only assume things had gone well.

Billie watched and waited for Logan to speak. He had yet to say a word since his mumbled response to her question. Deciding this very well could turn into a staring contest, she attempted to move things along.

"How are you today?"

"Okay, I guess." His response was short and not much help.

"Logan, we aren't here to stare at each other for an hour," she reminded him resolutely. "Now answer my question. How was your Christmas?"

"Christmas Eve was alright. I went over to the Mars' place and we ate, watched some silly Christmas special, and opened presents," he said matter-of-fact. He acted like it was no big deal but she could see a slight smile tilting his lips and knew it was obviously a good memory. He hesitated before continuing. "Christmas day was a kind of hard. I was supposed to join Veronica and her father at his girlfriend's house for dinner but I wasn't feeling well."

With his reply, she had her answer to the question of whether Veronica had told him about her phone call. If he knew about it, he would not be so reluctant to give her any details.

"What happened between Christmas Eve and Christmas Day?"

He shrugged and glanced at the floor. He looked up when she didn't say anything else. She was giving him the stare that let him know she was prepared to wait him out. With a sigh, he gave in and told her about what happened when he got home from Veronica's to the time he went to sleep for the final time after Veronica showed up Christmas night.

"So what happened the next day?" she inquired, truly curious to hear how he had responded.

He stared up at the ceiling for a minute before looking back at her. "When I woke up, I gave serious thought to just staying in bed again. But, Veronica made it clear that she wasn't going to allow that to happen. Plus, I've never really considered myself to be someone who would rather hide than deal with life. I watched my mother do that for years and I don't want to be that person."

"That's good to hear. Have you been having any other problems with depression since?" she asked.

"Nothing like what it was on Christmas. I still miss my mom and feel like there is a big hole in my life where once I had a family even if it was a sham. But, I also realize that I miss the wish of what my family could have been more than I actually miss that life. For awhile at least I had Duncan and Lilly for a substitute family but even that is gone." He sighed and looked at her with sorrowful eyes.

"I'll never understand how either of my parents could have done what they did or why they couldn't love me the way I needed them to love me. I know you keep telling me that what I do from here forward is a lot more important than what happened before. And I think I'm starting to believe it."

"Congratulations Logan," Billie stated with a big smile. At his quizzical look she explained. "You've figured out something most people never do. You are not your parents nor are you predestined to make their mistakes or live in their shadow. You are perfectly capable of living a happy, healthy life as long as you realize that the past is just that, the past. You can't change it or wish it away but you can accept it and make things different for the future."

Logan nodded thoughtfully and mulled over her words. The rest of the session was lighter as he told her about his plans for the weekend and proudly showed off his new watch.

---------------------------------------------------------

_December 30th – morning_

Logan arrived at Veronica's apartment to pick her up so they could go to the airport to ride in the helicopter he had chartered for their trip to Catalina. He had thought about sailing over but he would rather save that for a time when the weather was warmer and he could talk her into wearing a bikini. He had a rather vivid fantasy of her lying on the deck dressed in a skimpy bikini while he maneuvered the boat. Of course, his fantasy involved her taking the top off so she didn't get tan lines and of him anchoring the boat while he showed her how much he appreciated nude sunbathing.

He nervously carried Sophie and her assorted goods inside Veronica's apartment. He was pleased that Keith had volunteered to keep her for the weekend so she could play with Backup, but he was worried that the little pest would pee all over the place or just generally make a nuisance of herself. Though she probably didn't understand, he had lectured her about proper behavior while staying at the Mars' apartment. Her only response was to look periodically at him like he was either stupid or a fool.

Before long, Veronica and Logan were on their way to the airport. Both exceedingly excited about their first trip away. When they climbed into the helicopter, she gripped his hand tightly, her only sign of nervousness.

Once on the island, they checked into their suite and then headed out to explore the island. Logan took her down by the bay where they joined a tour group aboard a semi-submersible vessel for an undersea tour. After the cruise, he also took her on a tour of the Catalina Casino, knowing she would get a kick out of the Art Deco murals and old pipe organ.

He had done most of these activities at some point or another while growing up but he found it was like a whole new experience when seen with Veronica. She was so enthusiastic and genuinely interested in the sights that he couldn't help but get caught up in her joy.

That evening, he had arranged for a private cruise of the harbor. As most of the Christmas lights were still up, the harbor was glowing festively. Snuggled together on a deck chair, they were able to forget about the stress that awaited them back in Neptune. For the moment they were nothing more than a young couple out to relax and enjoy their view of the pretty lights. Mercifully, the recent exploits of Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan had managed to knock them off the front page of the tabloids.

Back in the suite after a full day and evening's worth of activities, Logan talked her into joining him in the Jacuzzi, sans swimsuits. It wasn't long before he coaxed her onto his lap for activities of another sort. When they crawled out of the Jacuzzi, they took a quiet, sleepy shower and climbed into the plush, king-sized bed.

Logan lay on his back, eyes closed, savoring the feel of Veronica lying draped across him. Her head rested over his heart while her fingers traced patterns on his chest. This was the most relaxed he'd felt in weeks. He was on the cusp of sleep when Veronica called his name.

"Hmmm," he hummed by way of reply.

"Are you awake?" she inquired quietly.

He could feel her tensing, hesitating. Something was evidently up.

"Sure," he answered sleepily.

When she didn't say anything else right away, he began to wake up more and worry. Squeezing her with the arm wrapped around her back and kissing the top of her head, he asked, "What's wrong?"

Her continued hesitancy was beginning to make him panic. She obviously was caught up in her thoughts and that rarely boded well for him.

"We need to talk," she finally responded. The words rushed out of her mouth and he could feel her relax somewhat now that the words were out.

He was now the one tensed up and nervous. He wondered briefly if in the history of man, those words had ever boded well for the man on the receiving end.

"About?" he asked shortly. He tried to sit up but Veronica refused to move from her spot on his chest.

"It's nothing bad," she tried to reassure him. She continued stroking his chest in an effort to calm him down.

"I-I just want to ask you a few things. I want us to be able to talk to each other about what's bothering us."

"Okay," he answered warily, drawing the word out. "What's bothering you?"

"That's not what I meant. I want to know what's wrong with you. Why have you been acting so strangely since Christmas?"

He stared fixedly at the ceiling, grateful she wasn't looking at him so she couldn't see him roll his eyes. He wondered what it was about women that made them always want to talk about their feelings. He remained silent, trying to decide the best way to answer, causing her to suddenly pull away and try to sit up.

"Fine," she snapped. "Don't talk to me if it's so damn hard."

He grabbed her and pulled her back down, refusing to let her go. "Stop it Veronica. Calm down and give me a minute."

She finally quit fighting him and settled back against his chest, her body still tense. He breathed a loud sigh and went back to staring at the ceiling. It was somehow easier to talk if he wasn't looking directly at her.

"It's not that I don't want to talk to you. I'm just not sure of what to say or how to say it."

"Am I that hard to talk to?" she asked. For the first time in recent memory, her voice sounded weak and unsure to him.

"It's not you," he tried to explain.

She snorted in response. It was clear that she wasn't buying his answer.

"Guys aren't big talkers, Veronica. We don't go around examining and chatting about our feelings. We are content to punch each other a few times or make fun of the other's weakness. We don't have slumber parties and braid each other's hair while sharing all of our secrets. We play video games and lie about our conquests."

When she laughed suddenly, the tension dissipated faintly. Of course now he was curious about what set her off.

"What's so funny?" he asked.

"I was just picturing you and Wallace sitting around in little pink nightgowns and braiding each other's hair."

"Ew. That was so not an image I needed in my mind. Now I'm going to have to bleach my brain to get rid of it," he groaned dramatically.

She laughed again and lay silent for a moment. "You talk to Billie all of the time," she muttered quietly.

'Shit,' he thought. 'I should have known that fact would eat at her.'

"I _have_ to talk to her. The court ordered me to talk to her," he reminded her gently.

"I know that. But I want to know what's going on with you too. I need to know what's happening. How can I help you if I don't know the problem?" she asked, tears evident in her voice.

"You help me just by being here."

"Oh puh-lease, let's not get cheesy here," she replied sarcastically. "If I knew what was going on I could--"

"Veronica," he interrupted before she could finish. "You can't fix what's broken in me. I'm not some case you can investigate, find the problem, and then set it right. It is not your job to put me back together."

After the words were out of his mouth, he regretted it immediately. Not that what he said wasn't true but he didn't mean it to come out quite so harsh.

"Fine," she yelled, extricating herself from his arms and jumping out of the bed. She yanked the comforter from the bed and wrapped it around herself.

"If I'm such a damned nuisance, I'll get the hell out of your way. You won't ever have to talk to me again. I've already had one boyfriend who thought he knew best and made decisions about what I did and did not need to know. I don't need that shit again."

Logan sat up and tried to grab her but she whirled away too quickly. He caught the edge of the comforter but she yanked it so hard he ended up crashing to the floor.

"Fuck," he yelled as he hit the floor. He heard the bathroom door slam and lock as he lay there trying to get his bearings back.

"Good job, dumb-ass," he berated himself, knocking his head on the carpet in frustration. "Take your girlfriend on a romantic getaway and then get in a big fight with her on the first night."

Standing up, he grabbed the top sheet off the bed and wrapping it around his waist. He walked over to the bathroom door and knocked.

"Veronica," he called. "Come on Veronica, open the door." He tried rattling the handle but it would not budge. "Don't be this way. I didn't mean it like you took it. Give me a chance to explain. Do not punish me because Duncan treated you like shit by dropping you without an explanation."

He heard the water come on so his voice was drowned out. With a put-upon sigh, he sank down on the carpet to wait her out. It was almost 10 minutes later before he heard the water shut off. Turning to his side, he leaned his head against the doorjamb and began to talk.

"I'm sorry. I swear I didn't mean it the way it came out. It's not that I don't want to tell you. Like I said before, I'm not sure how to tell you." He heard movement from the other side of the door like she was moving closer. Taking it as a sign of encouragement he continued on.

"I guess it's just easier to tell Billie some things. Not that she's easier to talk to necessarily, but with her there's nothing for me to lose. It doesn't matter if she thinks I'm some kind of freak. If she decides I'm too crazy or too much of an asshole and kicks me out of her office, I can always find a new counselor." He took a deep breath as he drew his knees up and draped his arms across them. He let everything he was feeling flow out in hopes it would convince her that he loved her.

"If you kick me out of your life, I can't go out and get a new girlfriend. More importantly, I don't _want_ to go get a new one."

The door to the bathroom cracked open slightly but she did not come out or even say anything. He scooted closer to the opening, able to see her arm so he knew she was sitting right next to the door.

"Sometimes it's easier to talk to someone who is impartial. She isn't involved so it's a lot easier for her to see all sides. It's also easier to accept it when she calls me on my bullshit or tells me I'm an asshole," he tried to explain.

The door opened wider and now he could see her profile. She was looking down at her lap and fidgeting with the comforter.

"You are," she mumbled.

Encouraged by her talking he asked, "I'm what?"

"An asshole," she expounded. Then she softened her statement by adding, "Sometimes."

He couldn't help but chuckle softly. It figures that his girlfriend would lock herself in a bathroom and her first words to him were to tell him he was an asshole.

"You're right. I can be an asshole. Sometimes it's easier to hear that from her than it is from you." He reached out and tucked her hair behind her ear. Now he could see her tear-stained face with tears still falling. He felt like the asshole she called him.

"I don't want you to think I'm an asshole. I know there are times you will but I'd prefer to keep those times to a minimum."

She half hiccupped, half laughed at the ridiculousness of his statement. She wiped her face with her hands and peeked over at him.

"Are you planning to get a personality transplant?" she snarked.

He laughed at her attempt at humor. That was his girl.

"Do you think you could learn or at least try?" she inquired.

He blinked confusedly as he tried to figure out what she was asking. "Learn what?"

"To talk," she said exasperated. "Specifically, to talk to _me_."

He thought it over for a few moments before answering. "I can promise to try," he countered.

She nodded, accepting his answer.

"Can you make the same promise?" he asked.

"I already do talk to you," she replied belligerently.

"Not willingly. And you have been known to storm off in a huff when I don't respond exactly how you'd like me to respond." He nudged her arm lightly so she would know he wasn't mad or trying to make accusations.

She blushed and squirmed. "I can promise to try," she answered, throwing his words back at him.

He grinned at her not too surprising response. He put out his hand and was relieved when she grasped onto it.

"Ask me anything," he blurted out. He linked their fingers as he scooted closer.

"What?" she asked confusedly.

"You said earlier you wanted to ask me some questions. So ask me. I will do my best to answer as honestly as I can," he clarified.

"Anything?" she questioned. When he nodded affirmatively she glanced away briefly and then looked back at him. "What happened on Christmas?"

"Boy couldn't start with anything easy could you?" he sighed. "It was all just too hard. I couldn't cope with it any longer so it was easier to lock myself in my room for the day."

"What was too hard? Spending Christmas with me?"

"No, it didn't have anything to do with you. Seeing you, Keith, and the Fennels reminded me of everything that's gone from my life. And, everything I never had in a family."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel worse."

"You have nothing to be sorry for so don't apologize. You made the whole thing tolerable. I love that you tried so hard to make the holidays great. But I needed a day alone, a day to face everything that has happened this last year. I wanted to come, you'll never know how much, but I just couldn't do it," he tried to explain. He felt like it was coming out all wrong but she was nodding and not pulling away so he took that as an encouraging sign.

"You made it one of the best Christmases I've had. I love my presents. Most of all, I love you." By now he had moved close enough that he was right up next to her, turned so they were looking at one another. Leaning forward he placed a kiss on her forehead before leaning over to rest his head on her up-drawn knees.

She reached her own hand forward and ran it through his hair. "I love you too. I would have understood that you didn't want to be around others if you'd explained it. I've had experience with the whole 'Mom not being here for Christmas' thing."

"I knew if I told you how I was feeling you would drop everything and run to help me. But I didn't want you to give up Christmas with your family. I wanted to deal with it myself. And you've been going through enough with your newly blended family."

He saw her eyes cloud over again with hurt and knew she was misunderstanding. "I didn't want you to see me like that. But as much as I wanted to do it on my own, I was relieved when you showed up. It meant more to me than you'll ever know."

She grinned a little mistily. "I just wanted to help take away your pain. It frightened me to see you like that."

"I'm sorry I scared you," he apologized sincerely.

"Just promise me that, even if it's not me, you'll call someone. You shouldn't have to be alone," she pleaded.

"I'll do my best," he pledged, not willing to formally promise something he might not be able to uphold.

"Is it my turn to ask a question now?" he queried.

She looked hesitant but nodded affirmatively. "I guess it's only fair."

"Did you ever get an answer as to why Duncan broke up with you before Lilly died?"

"Yes," she answered, visibly wincing.

When she didn't continue, he cleared his throat and raised his eyebrows questioningly. If he wasn't going to get away without having to explain himself than neither was she.

"He thought I was his sister," she murmured.

Logan's jaw dropped open and stared at her, dumbfounded. "Huh? He thought you were Lilly? Did the epilepsy impair his brain?"

"No, no. He didn't think I was Lilly," she explained. "Celeste told him I was his sister."

"Why the hell would she say something like that? I knew she didn't like you but it doesn't make any sense that she would make up that kind of a story."

"She didn't pull it completely out of nowhere. It turns out Jake and Lianne were high school sweethearts and they apparently had an affair off and on for years."

Logan shook his head in shock, trying to digest the words. He never would have pictured Jake and Lianne together.

"Did Lilly know what Celeste told Duncan?" he asked dazedly.

"I'm fairly sure she must have since she suddenly kept told me to move on and find another guy."

"How did you find all of this out anyway?"

"Abel Koontz was the first person to tell me Jake was my father. From there, I did some digging and found out about Jake and Lianne."

"Wow," he mumbled. He wasn't sure what the hell to think about this turn of events. Knowing how much Veronica cared about Keith, he couldn't imagine how much it must have hurt to hear someone claim he wasn't her real father. "So Duncan just dumped you and never told you any of this?"

"No," she replied bitterly. "He decided to do the _noble_ thing and keep it to himself. I guess he thought it would be easier to act the part of a martyr and never bother to tell me anything than to let me in on the potentially dirty little secret."

Logan couldn't believe Duncan had kept something like that from Veronica. He could understand his horror at hearing the girl he loved was his sister but he couldn't understand his reasoning in keeping it quiet at all.

"So the night of Shelley's party he thought…" he trailed off, unable to complete the question.

"Yeah, he did," she affirmed.

He couldn't help but flinch, revolted at the thought of his friend knowing that and still having sex with Veronica. He knew he shared more than a little blame for what happened that night but he found it hard to believe anyone could be that wasted.

"Since Duncan has been pursuing you for months, I'm assuming you found out something that proved Celeste's theory wrong."

"My dad had a DNA test done. It proved that my dad, not Jake Kane, is really my father," she clarified.

He wasn't sure how to respond to this new information. He couldn't imagine how hard it must have been to deal with that situation. It helped shed light on Duncan's behavior after the breakup and his sudden desperation to get back together with her these last few months.

While he felt bad for Duncan being cheated out of his chance with Veronica, Logan couldn't help but feel grateful that they had broken up. He couldn't conceive of getting through the last few months of his life without Veronica as his girlfriend. If the golden couple hadn't broken up, Veronica and he would probably never have gotten together.

"That's great," he stated simply. He wasn't sure what to say so he stayed silent and squeezed her hand. They remained silent for a few minutes before she finally broke the peace.

"Can I ask you something else?" she inquired.

When he nodded agreement she asked, "Why are you so fanatical about birth control?"

"I wouldn't say I was a fanatic per se…"

She rolled her eyes and snorted at his denial. "Logan you looked like a candidate for a stroke that day in your foyer even though I assured you I was covered and it was the wrong time. Then I thought you were going to throw a party when I started my period, which I'd like to point out, was bizarre. And if that isn't enough to convince you, how about the fact you asked me at least 5 times before we left if I had my pills and still checked to make sure you brought condoms? I know it's a lot deeper than not wanting to be a teen daddy."

He cringed as she eliminated the one excuse he could possibly have used. Anything less than total honesty would be cheating her and that was the last thing he wanted to do.

"I don't know if I ever want kids," he said bluntly.

He watched as Veronica jerked back a little and stared at him in stunned silence. He half expected her to stand up and walk out of the room.

"Why?" she asked, her voice thick with shock.

"I was a mistake, an accident," he told her bitterly. She shook her head in negation of his statement but he continued. "I wasn't a happy, planned event. I was a result of too much alcohol and too many hormones. They only got married because my mother was pregnant and it would look better for their careers if they formed a happy family. If I hadn't come along, my mother might have gotten away from Aaron years sooner. Aaron could have remained a Hollywood playboy and would never have met Lilly."

"You might not have been planned but I know your mother loved you, Logan," she reassured him. "Did she ever tell you that she regretted your birth?"

"No, but he did. Aaron always liked to point out that I was nothing but a fucking mistake. He constantly told me that if it wasn't for me that he could have remained the happy bachelor. He could have been the poor, single father with the precious baby girl. Women would have loved that image," he explained cynically.

"You know Aaron was a selfish bastard who never thought of anyone other than himself. He said that stuff because he knew it would upset you. You can't let his selfishness keep you from having a full life," she tried to reason.

"I won't ever make a child feel like he or she is a big mistake that fucked up my life or yours. There are no guarantees that I won't end up like Aaron, like Aaron's father."

"You're right, there are no guarantees. I could end up exactly like my mother. A drunken bitch that abandons her family," she pointed out with bitterness of her own. "You are doing everything right to break the cycle though. I believe that there is no way you would ever let your kids think they were a mistake nor would you ever raise a hand to them."

Logan remained silent as he thought about her words. He truly had never given much thought to children other than to think that he never wanted them. He was hardly the poster child for being functional. But, Veronica and Billie didn't seem to think he was a hopeless cause. He wanted desperately to believe that they saw something that was really there and not just a figment of their imaginations.

"So what are you saying? You want to make a baby with me?" he snarked, hoping to lighten the mood.

Her answering eye roll let him know it worked. "Oh yeah, that would go over well. I can see it now. 'Daddy, guess what? Instead of going to college, Logan and I decided to skip it and just head straight for parenthood.' That would go over well."

Tilting her head, she looked at him speculatively. "Which one of us do you think he would go after with the shotgun first?"

"Me, definitely me," Logan affirmed. "He wouldn't kill you. Lock you in your room for about twenty years, yes."

"Dumb-ass, I'm not saying I want a baby right now," she said, turning serious. "Or anytime in the foreseeable future for that matter. I just don't want you to completely eliminate options from your life because you are afraid you'll end up like Aaron."

"So you don't want my baby," he sighed. "Damn and here I thought for sure that you were just after me for my stud services."

She shook her head at him in exasperation but still let out a laugh. Leaning forward, she placed her mouth on his. The kiss quickly turned passionate when her tongue swept into his mouth and engaged his tongue in a duel.

He pulled her forward and up so she was sitting in his lap. His hand ran down her neck until it hit the top of the comforter, slipping underneath and tugging it loose. In a few short moves neither of them would remember, he had the comforter loose and spread out on the bathroom floor. The sheet around him proved a bigger obstacle. He gave in and stood up so he could yank it off. While standing, he ran back to the room and grabbed a condom before returning almost immediately. No matter his other reasons for birth control, he really wasn't ready to be a daddy anymore than she was ready to be a mommy.

He had no idea how much later it was when he led a half-asleep Veronica back to the bed. There was nothing like fast, hot make-up sex to make a person sleepy. The people that claimed make-up sex was the hottest weren't kidding.

---------------------------------------------------

When the couple finally awoke late Saturday morning, they ordered room service and then went walking around the island, stopping to do a little shopping along the way. She picked up some cheesy souvenirs for her dad and the Fennels. Logan bought her a shell necklace and she bought him a goofy Hawaiian shirt. They had a late snack at one of the local restaurants and then headed back to the hotel.

Veronica called and reassured her dad that she was fine and having a good time, while Logan surfed through the TV channels. When her call was complete, she lay down next to him on the bed and soon they both dozed off.

That evening, they both dressed up to go out for dinner. Logan had made reservations at a steakhouse that overlooked the bay. He could hardly wait to take her out and show her off at the restaurant. He nearly lost his breath when she came out of the bathroom.

She wore a royal blue strapless dress that fell just past her knees. The initial conservativeness of the length was negated by the slit that went up the side. Her hair was piled atop her head in a hairdo Logan knew would take him mere seconds to destroy at the end of the night. Her ears sparkled with the new earrings and from her neck hung the simple heart necklace he had given her months ago.

He was a wearing a dark suit with a royal blue and silver tie. Veronica had let him know in advance the color of her dress so he could make sure his tie would match. Besides cufflinks, his only accessory was the watch she had gifted him for Christmas.

When she approached him, he signaled her to turn around. Letting out a wolf whistle he let her know what he thought. "You look…amazing. But something is off."

She looked down, obviously confused. "What's wrong?"

"There's something missing. Hmm, what could it be?" He hesitated and then snapped his fingers like an idea had only now popped into his head. "I know what's missing. I have just the thing." Reaching in his breast pocket, he drew out a velvet box and opened it before turning it to her.

She gasped and stared at what was in his hand. "Oh my God, it's beautiful."

Inside the velvet box was a three-stone blue sapphire ring set in platinum. She stared at him with her mouth hanging open a little, obviously unable to speak. He was getting a little nervous at her complete lack of response. He waved a hand in front of her face to get her attention.

"Um Veronica. Are you okay?" he inquired.

"Is that a…a…"she fumbled out.

Logan's eyes widened when he figured out what she was asking. "No, no. It's not an engagement ring. It's a regular ring, a friendship ring if you will."

"Oh okay," she breathed a sigh of relief.

"You don't have to look so relieved," he snarked.

"It's not that," she tried to reassure him. "But my dad would…"

"Veronica!" he called and then grinned. "I'm teasing you."

He flinched when she reached out and smacked him on the arm. Reaching forward, he grabbed her hand and slipped the ring on her right hand.

"There," he said as he admired it. "Now, it's perfect."

He stuck his arm out and she threaded hers through it and smiled happily. Tugging lightly he led her out of the room.

--------------------------------------------------

Logan and Veronica returned to their suite a little after one in the morning. They were laughing and kissing as Logan tried getting the key in the door but Veronica kept distracting him with her mouth and hands, making the job extremely difficult. When he got the door open, the couple practically fell through it.

The door barely clicked shut and Logan had pinned her between him and the hard wood. Veronica was yanking at his tie and jacket. Their mouths remained fused as clothes were littered on the floor. He was down to his undershirt and pants before he managed to reach behind her and find the zipper to the dress. He pulled back to create some space between their bodies as he shoved the dress to the floor.

His breath backed up in his chest as he frantically tried to breathe. Veronica stood before him in nothing but a merry widow, a thong, garters, stockings, and high heels. He must have looked a bit like the coyote in the Looney Tunes cartoons after a run-in with the road-runner. A smirk formed and she twirled around, giving him a complete view of just what the lingerie did not hide from his eyes.

"W-w-where did you get that?" he asked distractedly

"Oh, a little shop called La Perla," she teased. "I told you earlier I had another present for you."

"Happy fucking New Year to me!" he muttered huskily.

Before she could say another word, he yanked his undershirt over his head and drew her against him. His mouth covered hers, his tongue delving in to duel with hers. His hands raked up and down her body, imprinting their feel on her body. His mind felt cloudy and incoherent, feelings to which he willingly gave in.

Somehow he managed to get them to the bed and pushed her down onto the luxurious surface. He took off her shoes and then carefully unhooked her garters, smoothing his fingers across the small amount of flesh left exposed above the stockings. She stared up at him silently, urging him to continue. Her eyes had turned a deep indigo as a result of his ministrations.

One hand went to the silk of her panties, covering the area. He felt the heat and moisture that signaled her desire through the thin material. He enjoyed watching her movements as he touched her, with the material keeping them apart. She arched into his fingers, moaning as her eyes drifted shut.

She let out a moan of protest as he moved his hand. But the protest quickly died as his fingers hooked around the sides and slowly removed the delicate silk, careful not to tear it. He wanted to rip everything off her but as he definitely hoped to see this outfit again, he wasn't about to destroy it.

He slid her hips to the edge, letting her legs dangle over the sides, as he knelt next to the bed. She was forced to spread her legs wider to accommodate his position between her legs. He brushed kisses on her thigh as his hands slid under her ass and pulled her a little closer.

She let out a strangled cry when he leaned forward and his tongue moved along her slit. His mouth settled over her clit and drew it into his mouth. Soon he slipped two fingers inside of her, moving in and out quickly as she wriggled on the bed. He kept up his actions until she contracted around his fingers and relaxed back against the bed.

Standing up, he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and disposed of his suit pants and boxer-briefs. He scooted Veronica back to the middle of the bed and donning a condom, he settled himself between her thighs. Covering her mouth with his, he thrust his cock in her opening as his tongue thrust in her mouth. She gasped in pleasure and immediately wrapped her legs around the back of his thighs.

Logan pulled away and stared down at her face as he moved in and out of her. Her eyes were firmly shut as he watched her.

"Veronica," he murmured. "Veronica," he called again, "open your eyes."

Her eyes opened languidly and drifted shut again until he placed a hand over her breast and teased the nipple through the silk. Her eyes re-opened and looked at him questioningly.

"I want to watch you," he explained raggedly. He continued moving in and out at a leisurely pace.

"Don't you think I should finish undressing?" she questioned.

He shook his head negatively. "Nope. I want to look at you in this sexy outfit while we fuck."

"How much can you see of it while we are lying here?" she questioned, breathless as he hit _that_ spot.

Suddenly he stopped and grinned wickedly down at her. "You're right, I can't see nearly enough."

"Logan," she started, "what are you do-"

The words stopped abruptly as he wrapped his hands around her and rolled over, switching their positions. Veronica sat up, startled by his move, causing him to go even deeper inside her. His groan attested to just how much he enjoyed their reversed positions.

Obviously deciding she liked this sudden change of roles, Veronica started moving up and down, squeezing him as she pulled up. His hands got busy working on her. One hand covered her breast while the other went between her legs to massage her clitoris. It wasn't long before he felt her contracting around his cock, which set off his own orgasm.

She collapsed against his chest like a limp rag when it was over. He was lightly stroking his hand up and down her back when a thought occurred to him and he started to laugh.

"What's so funny?" she asked in a lazy, contented voice.

"I was just thinking about the adage that however you begin the New Year is how you'll end it. If that's the case, a few more New Year's like this one might fucking kill me!" he exclaimed.

She snickered along with him as he flipped her back over and withdrew. When Logan returned from discarding the condom and getting a wash cloth, he found Veronica still sprawled on the bed, half asleep. He washed her and then began removing the delicate silk she was still wearing. Once she was as nude as he, he pulled back the covers and settled them underneath. Veronica barely moved or made a sound until they were cuddled together under the covers.

"I love you," she murmured sleepily.

"I love you too," he whispered as he drifted off.

-------------------------------------------------

_Early January_

The latest 'Trial of the Century' was due to start in a few weeks. Logan and Veronica were going to the District Attorney's office every day after school to prepare for it. The stress was mounting but they weren't supposed to discuss the trial or their testimonies and they were not going to do anything to jeopardize Aaron receiving the justice he deserved. The D.A. had actually requested that they quit dating until the trial was over but both flatly refused. They both knew that each other's presence was the only thing that would get them through the upcoming events.

School had been back in session for a little over a week when life in Neptune took another sharp turn. Logan was unexpectedly called to Mr. Clemmons' office during third period. As he walked towards the office, he tried to figure out what he could possibly be in trouble for now. For once in his life, he had been keeping his nose relatively clean so he was pissed at the idea of getting in trouble for something he hadn't done.

Once in the office, the secretary made him wait outside the office for a few minutes. The longer he sat there, the more annoyed he was becoming. If Van was going to drag him out in the middle of class the least he could do is hurry up and let him know what was happening. About five minutes after he arrived at the office, Logan was ushered into the Vice Principal's office.

"Hey Van, long time. So to what do I owe the honor of this visit?" he snarked as he crossed into the office. The words were barely out of his mouth when he noticed they were not alone in the office. Standing to the side, where they had initially been hidden by the door, stood an uncomfortable looking Cliff and Sheriff Lamb.

Logan stiffened uncomfortably, trying to figure out what was happening now. Nothing good could be happening if it required the presence of his lawyer and the sheriff. No one said anything so Logan decided to go on the offensive.

Holding his wrists out towards Lamb, Logan sighed dramatically and cried, "All right, I confess. I did it. I stole that pack of gum when I was six. I always knew this day would come when your superior investigative skills would catch up with my crime spree."

Logan dropped his wrists when no one responded to his snark.

"Logan," the vice principal started. "Could you please take a seat for a minute?"

Sparing a quick glance at the man, Logan looked back at Cliff and the Sheriff before speaking. "Thanks _Van_, but I think I'll pass. What's going on?" he demanded. "If I'm not under arrest, than why the hell is the _deputy_ here?" He emphasized the word deputy, knowing it would piss Lamb off.

Overlooking the disrespectful use of his first name, Clemmons again implored Logan to be seated. When Logan again refused, Clemmons looked back at Cliff and Lamb, nodding for them to get on with it.

"Logan," Cliff started, clearing his throat. "The Sheriff is here for official notification purposes only. There's been…today at…we just received news that…" he tried, looking mournful.

"Aaron's dead," Lamb interrupted Cliff's halting attempts talk. "He was found dead in his cell less than two hours ago." Lamb's explanation was abrupt and concise, like ripping a band-aid off.

Logan took a small step backwards. He felt like someone had sucker punched him in the chest. He had expected many things, but this news was not amongst them. The air around him suddenly seemed charged, sounds buzzing inside his head as the words sunk through to his consciousness.

"Do I need to go identify the body?" he asked. His voice was calm and steady, in direct opposition to his emotions.

"No," Cliff assured him. "The warden has already done it."

Logan stood there silently. Finally he stated, "I want to see the body."

"Did you not hear your lawyer? You don't have to identify the body," the Sheriff interrupted, obviously put out at having to deal with this situation.

Privately, Logan thought he was probably just pissed that there would not be a trial thereby ruining his shot at some high profile publicity. Logan looked at him steadily and replied coldly. "I want to see the body. The only way I will believe the asshole is dead is to see it for myself."

Cliff nodded in understanding. Logan spun on his heel and headed out of the office and straight for his SUV in the parking lot.


	17. A Foundation Firmly In Place

**A/N: **Sorry for the long delay. This is the last regular chapter of this story. There is just an epilogue left, which I promise will not take as long to get posted. Thanks for reading!

**Chapter 17: A Foundation Firmly In Place**

The moments, days, hell for that matter weeks, immediately following the murder of Aaron were a giant blur to Logan, like a film stuck on fast forward. There were frozen moments here and there, like snapshots in his mind. Those were his only solid memories of that time. But, like a photograph, those small memories did not begin to tell the story.

He vaguely remembers leaving Clemmons' office and just sitting in his X-Terra not knowing what to do or where to go. Cliff came out a few moments later and let him know that he could go see Aaron's body at the prison morgue or he could wait until it was transported back to Neptune. Cliff wanted to go get Veronica from her class but Logan flatly refused and drove away before the lawyer could say anything more.

He recalls nothing of the drive but remembers parking alongside the road, staring at the prison off in the distance. He could not bring himself to go any closer nor could he turn around and go home. There was a short conversation with Veronica on his cell phone where she kept asking where he was and wanted to join him. He murmured something about wanting to be alone and not needing her before hanging up abruptly. He'd shut off his phone immediately afterwards so he would not have to talk to anyone else. He had no idea how long he sat parked alongside the road but it was dark when he finally drove off.

A receipt in his wallet let him know the name of the flea-bag motel at which he spent that night. He only remembers staring at the stained ceiling while the light from the flashing 'Vacancy' sign bled through the tattered curtains.

His next flash of memory, and the only clear one of that time, is staring down at Aaron's battered face. The men who had beaten him to death had done a thorough job. Were it not for a few small, barely visible scars on Aaron's abdomen, Logan would have told them they had the wrong body. Unlike most movie stars, Aaron would not have them fixed. He always liked to brag that he had earned them while defending his mother.

Logan could barely equate the man who had beaten him and made his life hell with the broken body before him. He stared quizzically at the corpse for a long time, trying to dredge up some kind of emotion. He felt no rage, no grief, no joy, no relief; he felt absolutely nothing. In place of his emotions was a vast space of nothingness.

He probably could have stared at the body for hours had the warden not cleared his throat and asked him if he needed anything. After one last look, he nodded to them that he was done and left.

When he pulled into his driveway hours later, he was not the least bit surprised to see the Le Baron parked in its usual spot. He sat in his SUV staring at her car, wondering if she would give chase were he to turn and drive away. Eventually he became aware of Sophie barking. He looked and saw Veronica leaning against the doorway, waiting for him. He stumbled out and picked up the barking puppy. He stared blankly at Veronica but could think of nothing to say. Her eyes were filled with a combination of sympathy and worry neither of which he could think of a way to relieve.

He let Veronica come over and lead him inside. She made sure he ate and tried to get him to talk. He mumbled something in an attempt to placate her but for the most part he remained silent. She eventually gave up and chattered away about nonsensical matters.

He finally interrupted her to say he was tired and wanted to sleep, making it obvious he didn't want her to stay. She tried to protest but he convinced her that he needed some time alone to think. She was obviously reluctant but finally did agree to give him some space. Ignoring the hurt in her eyes at his dismissal, he kissed her goodnight and all but shoved her out the front door. He was tired, that hadn't been a lie, but he did not go to sleep. He spent most of the night roaming restlessly around the house.

Wandering around the giant house, he tried to decipher how he felt but again he could find nothing. The house suddenly felt vast and unending, almost cavernous. That feeling continued even after his sister arrived in town and stayed with him.

Trina showed up, crying and playing the part of a grieving daughter for the press. Cynically, he thought it was one of her better performances. Later, he would admit that many of those tears were not part of the act. Trina had truly loved her daddy, she just happened to love herself and her image more. She was definitely her father's daughter in that respect.

When she had arrived at the house to find a puppy in residence, she had pitched a hissy fit worthy of the best drama queen. She ranted that the puppy would destroy the carpeting and furniture, thereby decreasing the property value.

Sophie took an even greater dislike to Trina. Whereas she had only barked and growled at Veronica, she actually bit Trina's hand when the girl tried to spank her. She also chewed up two pairs of shoes that just happened to be Trina's favorites. Logan slipped Sophie a few extra doggie biscuits the remainder of Trina's stay.

Trina was surprisingly calm about Veronica's presence in his house. Logan had been prepared to bribe or blackmail her into behaving but it was not necessary. Trina treated Veronica more like an old friend than like the girl who had ultimately put her father in prison.

The planning and execution of the funeral was a nightmare. With Aaron having been beaten so badly, there was no way they could have an open casket. This sent Trina off on another fit but gave her good material for all the teary-eyed interviews she gave. Aaron would have been proud knowing he raised a child with such media savvy.

Aaron had previously purchased a large plot for him and Lynn and had left instructions in his will to be buried, not cremated. He even dictated what his headstone would say. They honored those requests but everything else, flowers ceremony, guests, etc. was all left to Logan's discretion.

The morning of the funeral, Logan put on the new suit he had purchased expressly for this occasion and went downstairs. When he entered the living room, he was not surprised to find Veronica waiting on his couch in a pretty black dress. She gripped his hand tightly and rarely let it go until after they returned to the house later that afternoon.

Throughout the day, he stared at Veronica, wondering what in the hell she was doing there. Why would she attend the funeral of the man who tried to kill her? She seemed more upset than he was about the whole thing.

It was a simple graveside ceremony with minimal flowers and mourners. Logan, Trina, Veronica and a handful of Aaron's hangers-on were the only ones allowed to attend. Extra security was employed to keep Aaron's 'fans' and the paparazzi at a distance.

Pictures of them at the funeral did appear in the papers but most were from a distance and blurry. There would be no vivid pictures to document Trina's tears or Logan's indifference.

As he stared down at his father's coffin, Logan was struck again by his apathy. He felt detached, uncaring. There was a vast nothingness he couldn't explain. He knew Veronica was worried about him, just waiting for an explosion or breakdown. But Logan could do neither of those things. The only emotion he could muster was relief.

Aaron could never hurt him or anyone else again. The asshole had not been able escape justice. Whether he had intended it to that way or not, some thug in prison had made sure that Aaron paid for his many crimes. According to the official report, Aaron apparently didn't realize that he was not the bad ass he played in the movies and some fellow prisoners took offense. Supposedly, there were many suspects but no one was talking and they would likely never know exactly who had done the deed. Rumors of it being a paid hit circulated but no firm evidence could be confirmed.

To Logan's way of thinking, justice for Lilly and the rest of Aaron's victims had been exacted. He found it ironic that after all the beatings Aaron had inflicted on him, Aaron would end up dying from a beating delivered by a relative stranger. Logan had imagined killing his father many times. Strangely enough he did not feel cheated at missing his opportunity to exact some revenge of his own. In truth, his father had been dead to him for months. Burying his body was nothing more than a formality at this point.

----------------------------------------------------

_Late February_

Logan stomped into the house, slamming the door hard enough to rattle the glass surrounding it. "Fuck," he shouted as he tried to rip his tie off. A few more choice words reverberated off the walls as he nearly strangled himself trying to remove it.

"_Quit saying there isn't a problem."_

He flung the offending garment across the living room and watched it land on the edge of the coffee table where it teetered momentarily before slithering to the floor. As he looked around the room, he saw the dozens of flowers and candles he'd set up to impress Veronica. Then, he looked down at his now ruined suit and felt the anger dissipate as misery pushed it away.

"_Quit being a bitch and making a scene. Why can't you just accept that I don't give a shit?"_

He slumped down into the nearest chair, running his hands through his hair. This was definitely not how he had pictured their belated Valentine's Day celebration turning out. Getting in an argument with his girlfriend during dinner and having her dump a plate of pasta in his lap was not conducive to a great evening. Looking down, he sighed in irritation, knowing there was no way that the marinara sauce was all going to come out.

"_Just sit here and wallow all by yourself then since my company is obviously not wanted."_

He flung his head back against the chair and stared at the ceiling. Why were they incapable of having a fun, peaceful, argument-free party?

"_You know you aren't going to go anywhere so why don't you just sit back down and eat." He barely had the words out before he felt the pasta being dumped down the front of his shirt._

Rolling his head to the side, he saw Sophie poking her head around the corner. She was growing fast and he had yet to arrange for obedience school training. It was yet another thing Veronica had been harping on him about.

Sophie continued to peer around the corner, refusing to enter the room. He couldn't tell if she was scared of him or if she was giving him one of her pitying looks. He suspected it was the latter but he was in no mood to receive a 'you're an idiot' look from his dog. He had already received that look too many times in recent weeks from his girlfriend. Turning his face back to the ceiling, he heard Sophie's nails on the tile floor as she trotted off to other parts of the house.

Logan wasn't sure what he wanted anymore. One moment he wanted everyone to leave him alone and then the next he wanted to grab Veronica as close and tight as she would allow.

"God! Could you just get over yourself already?" Lilly burst out angrily. "Why can't you people get your shit together already and let me rest in peace? Someone back here always needs something."

Logan looked up, stunned to see Lilly Kane, in all her glory, standing before him. This time she was dressed in a tight, extremely short red dress with matching stiletto heels. If she were alive, she would have called them her 'fuck me hard' shoes. And boy did she look pissed off about being there.

"I was having a perfectly wonderful time, I'll have you know. There I was with River Phoenix and Jim Morrison, two of the hottest fucking guys there, competing over me and I have to leave so I can deal with your shit."

While her visit this time wasn't nearly as startling as the previous one, he was shocked that it was happening while he was completely sober. Quickly recovering he snarked, "I didn't ask you to come. But it's nice to know some things never change. Even dead you can't be satisfied with only one guy."

"Ha, ha. Nice to know you're still an ass," she replied snappishly. She glared at him for another moment before sighing deeply. "Why are you doing this? I thought you had finally pushed that bastard out of your life."

"I did. I flat out don't give a shit that he's dead," Logan replied testily.

"Clearly that attitude is working out well for you, too. Your relationship is just going swimmingly. At this rate, you will probably be single and alone again long before graduation comes."

He scowled but didn't say anything in his defense. What could he say? She was infuriatingly right about the road things were on at this point.

"Look, I'm not here to lecture you about what a fuck-up you are being," she huffed.

"Then why the hell are you here Lilly?" he wondered aloud.

"How do you really feel about Aaron's death?" she asked, instead of answering him.

He stared at her silently for a moment as he really thought it over. "I honestly don't know. There's just a vast empty spot inside. He's been dead to me for a long time now."

She tilted her head and stared at him for a minute before nodding knowingly. "Well, the first step you need to take is to determine what the hell you think about the bastard's death. It doesn't matter how you feel about it - good, bad, or ugly - but you need to deal with it and let it go. Only then can you move on with your life." She paused for minute before continuing, "After that, you need to get off your pathetic ass and go _talk_ to your girlfriend. The one that's still alive that is."

He sighed and let his eyes meander around the room. With Veronica's help, he had done some redecorating and the room usually felt like his haven. But it screamed Veronica and now just served to remind him of everything he stood to lose. His gaze finally landed back on the impatient blonde in front of him.

"_Only then can you move on with your life_," he reiterated disbelievingly. He couldn't help but snort at her assertion. It would be a miracle if his eyes weren't permanently damaged considering how far back they rolled in his head. "When the fuck did you become a philosopher? That sure as hell wasn't your motto when you were alive."

She shrugged defensively and likewise rolled her own eyes. "You try hanging out with a bunch of dead rock stars from the '60s and '70s. All they do is sit around and talk about how fucking great they were and philosophize about how they figured out the true meaning of life. They're always spouting off stupid shit like that. Seriously, if they didn't have all the best parties, I don't think I could stand having to listen to their crap. They are so egocentric that it's disgusting."

Logan laughed, the sound startling them both with its note of authenticity. "You're one to talk about being narcissistic. And only you would bitch about having to hang out with dead rock stars."

"Hey, if they would just learn to recognize the fabulousness that is _moi_," she proclaimed with a hand on her chest, "then things would be fine. But _noooo_, they have to go on and on about how magnificent they all were."

Logan shook his head in exasperation. It was vintage Lilly. No matter what deep shit she might spout off from time to time, she was still the same girl he had always known. He noticed her cock her head to the side like she was listening to something and then frown.

"Oh no she doesn't! That bitch better think twice if she thinks she is moving in on my territory."

"What are you talking about?" Logan asked, confused.

"That damn Janis Joplin is always trying to hog the limelight. It's not enough she has to go on and on about being a big rock star. Nooo, she has to try and move in on the men I've staked out. She better think again if she believes I'm going to let that happen."

Logan shook his head in bewilderment and wondered if someone had spiked his pasta sauce. This was just getting weirder by the minute.

Looking back at Logan, Lilly sighed silently. "If you pull your head out of your ass and quit being a jerk, you're going to be fine Logan. I wish you would believe that already."

He nodded in acknowledgement but didn't bother to answer. He wasn't sure if he believed or disbelieved her declaration so there really wasn't anything to say. With an exhausted sigh, he dropped his head on the back of the chair and closed his eyes. He felt something cool brush his cheek moments later but when he opened his eyes, he was alone in the room.

He rubbed his temple tiredly and watched as Sophie came in and looked around the room. Disturbed by something, she barked a few times before running over to jump in Logan's lap. Closing his eyes again, he drifted off to the feel of Sophie licking his hand.

---------------------------------------------------------------

It had been nearly a week since the big blowout with Veronica. His attempts to speak with her since had been sparing and futile. The few times he had approached her at school she either refused to listen or they were interrupted. She had not even bothered to come eat lunch in the Quad. He finally found out from Wallace that she had been spending the lunch hour in the computer lab.

As bad as their standoff was he had at least been able to see her. Today however, he had not even caught a glimpse. When he asked, Wallace shrugged and mumbled something about her being around. He had been evasive and refused to look at Logan as he uttered the excuse. Logan was sure something was up and Wallace was privy to the details but was not sharing. He briefly panicked and wondered if she had found someone else. He didn't really believe that but he hadn't been able to prevent the horrible thought from forming.

Logan was startled out of his reverie when Billie's assistant cleared him to go into her office. He hadn't even noticed the previous patient leaving he had been so caught up in his musings. He really did not want to be here and have to talk to Billie but he had 3 more required sessions before his probation was complete. As he swung open the door, he stopped dead in his tracks when he realized there was still someone else in the room.

"Hello Logan," she greeted quietly.

"Veronica?" he croaked hoarsely.

He blinked a few times to clear his vision but she was still there. His gaze bounced to Billie sitting there calmly waiting for his reaction before returning to Veronica.

"What are you doing here?" he demanded, finally finding his voice.

"Logan, please have a seat," Billie requested, gesturing to the empty space next to Veronica.

He thought about turning around and bolting out the door but he doubted he would make it far. Veronica and Billie might look and act gentle but there was a steely quality to both of their gazes that let him know they would hunt him down and kick his ass if he didn't sit. With a sigh and not just a little belligerence he stomped over and practically threw himself down on the couch.

"Fine. I'm sitting. Now what the hell is going on here?"

Billie stared at Logan sitting there like a petulant child. His arms were crossed and his lower lip stuck out slightly. She was torn between wanting to knock a little sense into him and wanting to laugh at his childish behavior.

"We want to talk to you. We're worried about you."

"So what, this is some kind of intervention or something? Here to save me from my hardcore non-drinking, non-drug taking ways?" he snarked, arms flailing dramatically.

"Please listen to us Logan. Really listen to what we are saying, not what you think we are saying or what you want us to say," Billie beseeched.

His manner was still highly antagonistic but he did settle back on the couch and shut his mouth. Taking a deep breath, Billie nodded to Veronica to begin speaking.

"I want you to know that this whole thing was my idea. I've been worried about you and I asked Billie for her help. I'm scared for you Logan. You are wound up so tight right now. I'm terrified that you are going to continue on like this until you burst one day and everything explodes. When, and I do mean _when _not _if_, that happens, I'm worried the fallout is going to be so enormous that I won't be able to help you pick all the pieces back up again." Veronica stopped and took a deep breath.

Seeing her anguish and knowing he was the cause, made Logan's heart feel like it was being squeezed. He slowly lowered his arms and could feel some of the hostility begin to wane.

"When you finally let all this emotion you've built up loose, I worry about what form it will take." He could see the anger begin to overtake the sadness previously reflected in her eyes. With each sentence her voice got louder. "Will you drink yourself into a stupor? Will you go find some drugs to numb the pain? Will you get mad and pick a fight? Will you kill yourself or will you let someone else do it for you?"

The last sentence was screamed directly into his face and startled the hell out of him. He knew he must look like an idiot sitting there with his mouth hanging open, curling into the corner of the couch, but he couldn't figure out how to respond.

His inability answer must have finally pushed her too far because the next thing he knew she was hitting him with one of the couch pillows. She got in a few good hits before Billie made it over and pulled Veronica off of him.

"Veronica. Veronica, stop it right now!" Billie demanded. "Get control of yourself or I will throw you out of here."

Veronica was disheveled and breathless but after hurling a few more curses at him, she seemed to gain control of herself. Pulling away from Billie she pushed her hair out of her eyes and tried to calm her breathing.

Letting go of the teenager, Billie stood back up and straightened her suit. She glared back and forth between the two other occupants of the room. For at least the millionth time in her career, she wondered again why she ever thought this was a good choice of professions. The one on one sessions were rarely an issue but any time there was more than one person in the room it almost always led to trouble. If she didn't know for sure that these things could work, she would refuse to ever have multiple people in a session.

"Sit," Billie snapped at Veronica, while pointing at a chair. She probably should have separated them to begin with but she had thought they could behave themselves. Since they were behaving like children though, she would treat them the way she treated her toddlers at home.

Veronica stomped over to the appointed chair and slumped down, arms folded across her chest. She glared at Logan and he would swear he could feel the daggers pierce his body. But, the sight of her sitting there pouting, complete with the lip, nearly made him start laughing. A fleeting look at Billie quickly squelched that idea.

Satisfied they were in neutral positions, Billie went back to her own seat and let out a loud sigh. "This kind of conduct is not going to get us anywhere. If you two don't think you can sit here and actually talk without resorting to violence and childish behavior let me know and we'll end this right now," she snapped.

Logan and Veronica both looked at the floor awkwardly. Billie's frustration and anger saturated each word.

Logan cleared his throat and peeked at Veronica. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I-I don't know quite what to say. I never meant for you to worry."

"But I do worry," Veronica interrupted quietly.

"Logan, we aren't here to pick on you or make you feel like there is something wrong with you. Your outward lack of reaction to Aaron's death has us worried though. You don't have to share every little thought or feeling with us but you aren't expressing any kind of emotion to much of anything these days. Why can't you share any of what you are feeling?" Billie inquired.

"I don't know-." Logan looked at the two women and held up his hand to stop them before they could protest. "I don't know how I feel. There is this gaping void right in the middle of my chest and I can't seem to get past it. I feel like I'm teetering on the edge of this hole and I'm going to fall into it and be lost forever. I can't manage to make that final fall but I also can't quite take that step backwards and away from it either."

The room remained silent. Logan's expression and shallow breaths let the women know he wasn't done yet but he also seemed to have trouble continuing.

"I don't hate him," he disclosed. Realizing that he had spoken the words out loud stunned him but also opened a floodgate. "I really thought I would hate him not only until I died but into eternity as well. I was prepared for that. Without the hate, I don't know what I'm supposed to feel. Yet, I don't grieve for him either. He was a repulsive human being and an even worse father, but hating him takes too much effort and there is nothing to mourn. I gave up hoping for a different kind of father years ago. He lost his right to be my father the first time he hit me. Shouldn't I hate him though? Or at least be a little upset that he's dead?"

Logan broke off his explanation abruptly and waited for some kind of reply. He was worried that he sounded callous but had been honest with them and himself for the first time in weeks and he had to admit it felt good.

Billie watched the emotions flit across Logan's face and couldn't help but admire his honesty. It had clearly been difficult to admit that but he had done it. "There's nothing wrong with you because you don't hate him. Anger and hate take a lot of energy and Aaron certainly gave you enough reason to feel both when he was alive. He stole a large portion of your childhood from you and it is only right that you get a chance to take control of your adulthood without him dominating it. As for lamenting his death, there really is no reason for you to. He wasn't a good father or even a good person. If you were to mourn his death, it would probably feel hypocritical."

"Why didn't you think you could tell me that? I can't say I completely understand as I've never been in your position, but surely you know that I'm always available to listen," Veronica reminded him.

"I'm afraid," he uttered quietly.

"You're afraid to talk to me?" she asked incredulously.

"No. Not exactly. I'm afraid I'll get too used to relying on you. Every time I start counting on someone they go away. If I start relying on you to be there to help me and then you aren't I'm afraid that I won't know how to function."

A few tears traced their way down her cheeks before she quickly swiped them away. "You're wrong Logan. Even if we never talked again, you would be fine. You're a lot stronger than you think. You pulled yourself out of a hellhole this summer without my help." She took a shuddery breath. "I know you could do it again…but you won't have to do it alone. I'm not going anywhere," she assured him.

"I know. But you've been through so much shit these last few years that I don't want to burden you with all my crap. It's not fair to you," he further explained.

Veronica rolled her eyes at him and shook her head. "I don't need you to protect me from your problems. That's part of what being in a relationship is about."

"I know. I'm not good at the whole relationship thing. I guess I just need a kick in the ass to remind me of those things from time to time."

"I can probably do that," Veronica said with a choked laugh.

"I thought you probably could."

Billie watched the two volley words back and forth but remained silent. She had to hide the small smile that wanted to break out. They were both stubborn and opinionated and didn't always hear what the other was saying but the love and affection they shared was obvious.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

_Early May_

Since that day in Billie's office, the relationship between Logan and Veronica had taken a lot of turns. He still had to fight the urge to protect her from himself and she continued to struggle to accept that she could not fix all of his problems. They were also finally learning to accept that their "normal" would probably never be like anyone else's and that wasn't necessarily a bad thing.

As if fate could not stand to see their relationship run smoothly, Duncan had tried once again to cause problems at the Sadie Hawkins' Dance. He drunkenly grabbed Veronica and dragged her onto the dance floor when Logan was in the bathroom. Logan arrived back in the gym just in time to see Luke and Casey drag Duncan away from Veronica. In the few seconds it took him to get across the room, they had him subdued on the ground.

Logan would probably have attacked Duncan had Veronica not immediately grabbed him. She held tight to him in an effort to restrain him. Her rage and fear eventually penetrated his own. Calming down, he wrapped his arms around her, burying his face in her hair.

While being restrained, Duncan had an epileptic fit and was rushed to the hospital. The following Monday morning his parents pulled him out of Neptune High School for 'private tutoring' due to stress. The last thing Logan heard was that he'd been sent to a private hospital on the East Coast. He was disappointed to see his former best friend fall apart that way but was immensely relieved that he was no longer around to bother them.

Much to Logan's disappointment, and Keith's delight, he and Veronica would be attending different schools. Veronica was heading north to Stanford while he remained in SoCal attending film school at UCLA.

When Veronica was accepted into Stanford, Logan had been prepared to drop UCLA. His grades would not get him accepted to Stanford but there were numerous other schools in the area which he could attend. Veronica and Billie however had insisted he continue with his film school plans in Los Angeles. If things between he and Veronica were meant to last, they would make it work. Though rather skeptical, Logan was trying to have faith that everything would work out.

As Logan left Billie's office, he thought back over the last year. A year ago he had lost everything and was sure his chance at anything resembling happiness was gone forever. But in the last year, he had managed to rebuild his life to be more than he ever imagined it could be. In a few weeks, he would graduate high school and then attend a barbeque thrown for him, Veronica and Wallace in Alicia's backyard and a few months after that he would start college. He had everything he could possibly want at this moment, including a beautiful girl that truly loved him.

Bounding down the steps, he headed for his X-Terra parking across the lot. He had a date with a hot blonde tomorrow afternoon and he still had a few things to gather. He tossed his keys in the air and caught them, a grin plastered across his face. He had a feeling that tomorrow would be an interesting day.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Logan stopped the boat a few miles away from the marina where it was docked. He looked over to see Veronica staring curiously at him. He hadn't planned on doing this today, here, at this moment, but the timing felt right and he wanted to do it before he backed out again. He had been putting this off for a week and it couldn't wait any longer.

The day had been beautiful and sunny with clear blue skies. For once, nothing came between them and their long delayed boating expedition. They did not go all the way to Catalina, deciding to save that trip for this summer when they had more time. Instead, they took a nice long sail, stopping mid-afternoon to enjoy the picnic lunch Veronica had packed.

It took most of his persuasive skills but he finally coaxed Veronica into sunbathing in the nude with him. Applying the necessary suntan lotion was one of the more sensual experiences of his life. They took turns with the lotion, teasing each other in the way only lovers can. Eventually, teasing was not enough and they moved on to even more enjoyable naked activities.

He hadn't made love to her for a few weeks and he was on the verge of exploding. He was certain that he would never smell coconut again without remembering that afternoon. The image of her moving above him, the sun outlining her form, was forever imprinted in his mind.

Stepping away from the controls, he moved over to where Veronica sat. He sat across the table from Veronica, nerves causing him to fidget. He set the envelopes he'd pulled from his jacket on the table in front of him.

"Logan, what's wrong? Why did we stop here?"

He wanted to kick himself when he heard the nervous tension in her voice. The strain he felt building during the trip back had been palpable and some of it must have rubbed off.

Opening his mouth, he found stress had seized his vocal cords. The ability to talk had never been an issue for him. More oft than not, the inability to keep his mouth shut had gotten him in trouble.

Clearing his throat, he tried again. "I-I want to talk to you. And I need to do it now before I lose my courage again."

"Oh. Is this the part where you say that it's you, not me, and you hope we can remain friends?" she inquired, laughing hollowly.

Distracted by his own thoughts, he stared at her in confusion for a second before her words sunk in and his eyes widened in shock. "No! No, this isn't anything like that." He wasn't sure but he thought she might have let out a small sigh of relief. He _was_ certain that her shoulders relaxed fractionally, though she remained tense.

"Billie suggested recently that it might help if I wrote letters to the people who had hurt me over the years; give me a chance to 'express my anger' toward them. Since most of the people on my list are dead, I can't confront them face to face so this was the next best thing.

"That sounds like a reasonable plan," she offered hesitantly. "So did you actually write the letters?" He watched her eyes flit briefly to the envelopes in his hands; however, she did not ask him about the contents.

"I did. I wrote letters to Aaron, Trina, my mother, Lilly, Duncan, and a few other people."

"What did you do with the letters?"

"I burned them."

"What? Why?"

"They served their purpose. I got to express my rage and say everything I'd never had a chance to before. Keeping them would only serve as a reminder of the bad and nothing much could be gained from mailing them."

"Wow. That's a really mature, grown-up way to think about it."

"Yeah. Well considering those are Billie's words, not mine, it should be. She did encourage me to send the ones to Trina and Duncan but I didn't see where anything much would be gained. Trina and I barely speak as it is and Duncan would just ask soon see me drop off the planet as talk to me." He shrugged it off but privately he was disappointed about the losses of his ex-best friend and only surviving family member.

"So…do you feel better now?"

"Somewhat." He took a deep breath and slowly exhaled before continuing. "She also felt I should write letters of apology to those I had hurt. That list was a lot longer," he shrugged self-deprecatingly.

He saw a small grin tug at her lips. "I actually mailed a few of those letters but I burned the majority of them. I didn't think the boy I glued to his chair when I was five really wanted to hear from me."

"You glued a kid to his chair when you were five?" She shook her head and continued lightly, "You got started on that whole jackass thing early."

"What can I say? I'm just an overachiever. If he hadn't tried to sweet talk Susie Jenkins into sharing her milk with him, I wouldn't have had to do it."

He grinned slightly and looked down at his hands. He got quiet and sat there for a few minutes, fiddling idly with the envelopes but not saying anything more.

"So are you going to tell me about what's in those damn envelopes already or what?" she burst out impatiently.

He couldn't stop the small laugh that escaped over her outburst. "I was getting to that."

"At a snail's pace," she muttered quietly.

Deciding it was best to ignore her snippy comment, he continued with his story. "I couldn't figure out at first what to do about you. Did I write you one long letter about how hurt I was and how sorry I am that I hurt you? Did I write two separate letters? Did one negate the need for the other?" He looked up to see her gesturing at him to speed up his story. "To cut a long story about my agonizing short, I wrote you two separate letters."

Laying the envelopes flat on the table, he fingered them for a moment longer before making a choice and pushing the thinner one over to her. "That letter is the one I wrote about the times I felt hurt by you."

He watched her pick it up gingerly and examine the outside as if it would give her a clue as to the contents.

"It seems like a rather short letter," she said, her voice reflecting surprise.

"Turns out, when looking at the situations while sober and after some time has passed, it's a lot easier to be rational. It also helps when one has a psychiatrist who won't allow them to wallow in self-pity. Considering all of that and taking into account everything else that's happened this last year, there wasn't nearly as much to write."

She continued to play with the envelope but made no move to open it. Figuring she wasn't going to open the first envelope right away, he pushed the other, much thicker, envelope across the expanse. The table did not put much physical distance between the couple but Logan felt like it was a giant chasm that was growing by the minute.

"That's the letter where I apologize for all the times I have been a jackass." He cleared his throat and glanced around before his gaze came back to rest on her. "It took me some time to catalogue all of the events but I think I got most of them, at least all the major ones." His declaration met with little response. Veronica laid the two envelopes alongside each other on the table, her focus concentrated solely on the two rectangles.

"You can let me know if I missed anything." She nodded but didn't otherwise respond.

They continued to sit for a few more minutes before Logan broke the silence. "Are you going to read the frelling things or what?"

She looked up, startled, but her shock quickly turned to amusement and she grinned. "You've been watching _Farscape_ again haven't you?"

Unable to stop the blush creeping up his neck he muttered, "I couldn't sleep last night."

She smirked for another moment before scooping up the letters and walking over to her bag and began rummaging through it. He saw her palm something he couldn't identify before walking over to the side of the boat. With her back to him she spoke.

"Why did you write these letters, Logan?"

"Because I had to," he answered, brow furrowed in confusion.

"So you wrote them because Billie made you," she stated flatly.

"No. No, that's not why," he said with a shake of his head. "She suggested I do it but no one forced me into it. I wouldn't have written them, much less given them to you, if I hadn't wanted to. I meant everything I wrote."

Veronica turned around to face him, looking more relaxed than she had in a long while. "We've spent a long time hurting one another and apologizing for it. It's a cycle I for one am sick of. We've both hurt each other in the past for our own reasons and we probably owe each other numerous apologies. Nonetheless, I think we've both said I'm sorry for the past enough times already. I say we leave the past where it belongs and start over with a clean slate. Can we do that?"

He nodded affirmatively, heartened by her words. He watched in disbelief as she raised the hand not containing the letters and revealed a lighter. She quickly lit the letters on fire and dropped them over the side of the boat.

His mouth hanging open, he walked over and stared at the letters, which were now nothing but ashes floating on the water. Pivoting to look at her he said numbly, "Those were the only copies."

She glanced at him with a small smile. "That's okay. I figured as much."

Walking back over to the bench, he sat down hard. "You just burned them. Why?"

She walked over and stood in front of him, grasping his hands in hers. "I didn't need to read the letters. We've rehashed everything a number of times already. And we've both said we are sorry and have tried to make it up to each other. The thing that matters now is how we treat each other today and every day forward."

"Besides," she continued in an amused tone, "if I had read the letters then I would feel compelled to write back and then you'd have to write back and then you would have to write more. Really, it just would have been a never-ending cycle and I still have finals to keep me busy."

He looked up to find her smiling brightly. He quickly found himself smiling in response. Pulling her closer, he gathered her in his arms and buried his face in her stomach. As he felt her bend down and place a small kiss on his head, another part of the foundation he was building his new life on slid into place.

"I love you."

"I know. I love you too."


	18. Epilogue

**A/N: ** Huge thanks to Maria, Lazeema, and Bissele for their fabulous beta-work during this story. You all deserve naked Logans for listening to me whine and offering up some fantastic advice. Melissa also deserves a naked Logan and many thanks for putting together the newspaper clipping at the end.

**The original posting of this story has a newspaper clipping at the end but I cannot post it here. If you would like to see the chapter as it was intended to be viewed, please go to my Live Journal (username: jaggedreality). There is a link to my journal in my profile.**

It's taken a long time but here is the finished product! Thanks to everyone who has stuck around to this point and thank you all for your kind reviews. All of you deserve props for your patience and kindness. I hope you've had as much fun reading this story as I did writing it. And that's enough with the notes, let's get on with the story.**  
**

**Epilogue: Life Ain't Always Beautiful But It's a Beautiful Ride**

Logan lay on his bed, staring at the ceiling. His wife, still the most beautiful woman in his eyes, lay curled beside him with her head resting on his chest. He lightly stroked a finger across the small of her back, taking care not to wake her. She had finally managed to doze off a few minutes before and he wanted her to rest.

His breath was becoming more ragged with every passing hour. He did not have much time left. A part of him wanted to close his eyes and slip away right now, the memory of his wife's warm, soft breath on his chest his very last. However, Logan knew Veronica would never forgive him, or herself, if she woke up to find he had passed away while she slept.

The cancer had ravaged his once strong body and it was no longer able to fight back. For his family's sake, he wished he could continue the battle, but his body could take no more. He had been fighting for most of his life and to be honest, he was tired and wanted to rest. There was a calmness that settled over him as he realized had no more than a few hours left.

He had not been prepared for the doctor's news, delivered suddenly, ten months before. The cancer attacked fast and hard, and his body had not been able to withstand the assault.

Veronica and their children had been unwilling to accept the diagnosis and had searched the world over for a cure. He had known it was a futile quest, but for their sakes he had gone along with it. Letting them take him to every kind of doctor they could find, willing to fight for them.

Until three weeks ago, he had let them deny the inevitable. Finally he had set his foot down and called a halt to all treatments. He knew he had very little time left and he refused to spend the rest of the time he had left chasing the unattainable.

He came home from the clinic in Texas and moved into one of the guest bedrooms downstairs. It had been outfitted with a hospital bed and everything else he could possibly need. A nurse was employed around the clock to check on him and keep him comfortable. He may have given up searching for a cure but that didn't mean he wouldn't use his money to make himself as comfortable as possible.

As soon as his death had been accepted as unavoidable, his normally strong family had wilted. Tears now flowed more regularly than water. He had sent everyone but Veronica from the room a few hours ago. Not that they had gone far. His children and grandchildren had all come to stay at the house so they had only gone as far as their bedrooms.

He doubted they were asleep. If he knew anything about his children, he knew they were waiting for their mother to tell them it was over. They would be preparing to rally around her, to help in anyway they could.

Knowing she would not be alone after he died helped ease his burden of guilt. Not that dying was his choice, but it forced him to break his promise to always be there for her during the hard times and that broke his heart.

Logan had spent the last few weeks saying private goodbyes to his family. One by one he had spent time alone with each and every one of them. He was grateful to have been given the opportunity to say all the things he'd wanted to say. He would not die with anything left unsaid, nor would his family have to be troubled that they had not said everything.

To his sons, Matthew and Jacob, Logan spoke of his pride. He let them know that he was proud of the fine, young men they had become. Matthew was a wonderful father and husband. His youngest traveled the world, happily single, and the thrill reflected in his eyes was all Logan could ever have hoped for. While he was sure Jacob would someday find a wife and have children, he knew it would not matter to him either way; he was happy with his life. He asked both of them to look out for their mother and sister, neither of whom would ever admit to needing help.

With his daughter, Logan spoke of his delight in watching her grow into a strong young woman. She may be a wife and mother but she would always be his baby girl. He begged her to not be as stubborn as her parents and ask for help when she needed it. He also asked her to watch over her brothers. As the girl, she would be the touchstone where they could always return long after their parents were both gone.

He also said his goodbyes to each of his grandchildren. He laughed at the oldest boy and girl who not only looked like their grandparents but acted like them as well. His children would have their hands full. In the third he saw a contentment with life that he had never known. In the youngest, he saw Veronica as she had been when he first met her, all big eyes, bright smile and shining innocence. He prayed that nothing would ever take that away.

He had also tried to spend time with his friends. While most of them were still alive and well, a few had preceded him in death. It was with a saddened heart that he thought about Duncan. They had never spoken again after he was sent to the hospital. Logan reminded himself frequently that the boy who left was not the boy he had known and loved. Even accepting the truth, it had not kept him from mourning when Duncan had died suddenly 7 years after leaving Neptune.

Logan had endeavored to say goodbye to Veronica but could not seem to get the words to come. The one time he had actually managed to start the conversation she had gotten mad and yelled at him to shut up. She told him that she was not going to be a participant in one of his ridiculous goodbye conversations. If they hadn't managed to say it all to each other in the last forty plus years, they weren't going to in the short amount of time they had left.

Anyway, it wasn't a goodbye as far as she was concerned. Someday they would be back together, so this was just a temporary break. In the end, he had not wanted to fight with her and let it go.

Though he knew it was a cliché, he could not help but think back over his life with Veronica as he lay there. It had been more than 45 years since they had gotten back together during their senior year of high school. As long as that might seem, it wasn't nearly long enough in his mind. They were supposed to live to be doddering old people who did nothing but harass each other, their children and grandchildren. He could not help but feel that yet again he was being cheated out of what should have been.

"_Promise me we will always be friends," she demanded abruptly. _

"_Huh? What the hell are you talking about?" he questioned._

"_I want you to promise me that no matter what happens, we will always be friends," she reiterated._

_He stared at her confusedly for a few moments before rolling his eyes in exasperation. "Fine. I promise that no matter what happens we will always be friends."_

_She stared into his eyes as if assuring herself that he wasn't just placating her. _

_He picked up her hands and threaded his fingers through hers, pulling her against his body. Dropping his forehead to hers, he further promised, "Not only will we always be friends, I will always love you and I will always be there to help you through the hard times."_

_Logan had made those promises at the graduation barbeque Keith and Alicia had thrown for them. He'd been able to keep them even through the difficult periods, until now when he would be leaving her alone. This would be one time he could do nothing to comfort or protect her._

_College had been hard on their relationship. He went to film school in Los Angeles while she headed north to Stanford to study behavioral psychology. The long distance thing had been difficult but they had managed fairly well the first few years. They called each other numerous times each week and exchanged emails and text messages multiple times a day. _

_About midway through their third year though, things began to fall apart. The fights became more frequent and the time between phone calls and emails grew longer. Veronica seemed to be growing distant and making excuses not to spend time with him. He had been jealous and gotten drunk one night when visiting her and they had gotten in a screaming match, during which they hurled accusations of unfaithfulness and not caring at each other._

"_If you think so damn little of me and my ability to remain faithful then maybe you should find someone you can trust!" he screamed._

"_Maybe I will! Why don't you just go home and cozy up to that little red-headed slut who claims she's an actress? I'm sure she'd be happy to join you on your casting couch," she spat bitterly._

"_Well, God knows, she'd be a hell of a lot warmer than curling up next to you," he threw back at her. As soon as the words left his mouth, he wanted to take them back. She looked like he had smacked her across the face. "Veron-"_

"_Get out," she stated quietly. "Get the fuck out."_

"_I didn't mean -"_

"_Leave!" she shrieked. "Get away from me."_

_Logan had stumbled out of the hotel room they'd been in and headed for the bar downstairs. He hadn't meant to say those words. Hell, they weren't even vaguely true. After a few hours, he had finally stumbled back to the room only to find Veronica long gone. He cursed his own stupidity for what seemed like hours and when she didn't come back he called the airline and switched his flight back to L.A. to that afternoon. The following seven months were akin to torture. _

_He had waited a few weeks after the fight before trying to talk to her again, which turned out to be a huge tactical error. She had convinced herself that he'd meant what he said and she would not answer his phone calls, letters, or emails. It wasn't until shortly before their fourth year of college began that she would even speak to him in passing. _

_Though they both returned to Neptune for the summer, he had seen little of her. She managed to make herself nearly invisible. He had left her innumerable messages, stopped by her apartment, and sent her multiple bouquets of flowers, hell he'd even tried cookie bouquets a few times. Nothing worked; she still would not listen to him. In late August though, he couldn't take it any longer and began staking out the beach every morning. Eventually, his tenacity paid off. _

_Their short conversation had been stiff and uncomfortable and she'd turned to leave before he could say what he had been practicing in his head for months. Knowing he was about to lose any chance of having her in his life, he took a gamble._

"_Don't forget that I'm still your friend. I'll always be here when you need me," he blurted out, the words practically running together in his haste to get them said._

_She had stopped, her back to him for a moment, before turning around to look at him. "W-What?"_

"_I promised. You made me promise that at the barbeque. I just wanted you to know I remembered and I still mean it." His voice was ragged and he could feel his throat squeezing shut but he knew he had to get it out. He needed Veronica in his life in some capacity in order to make it work right._

_She had looked at him and he could see the tears welling in her eyes. A few slipped down her face, but before he could wipe them away, she had clenched her jaw and nodded at him before turning and running off the beach. It probably hadn't been fair to ambush her that way but he had long since quit playing fair._

_It was over six weeks later before Logan heard from Veronica again. He had been stunned to answer the phone to a sobbing, hysterical female. It had taken him a good five minutes to get Veronica calm enough to tell him what happened._

"_I don't know what to do. He…accident...ICU…won't tell me…help me Logan." _

_She had been frantic and he'd only gotten a tiny part of what she'd been saying. He could feel his heart racing but was trying to remain calm for her sake._

"_Veronica," he snapped, trying to break through her tears. "Honey, I need you to calm down for a minute. I don't understand what you are saying. Can you take a deep breath and tell me what happened?_

_The other end of the line was silent but he could hear her breathing slowing down and the sobs turning into soggy hiccups. He could picture her on the other end trying to collect herself._

"_Okay, now tell me again what happened."_

_She took a few shuddering breaths before speaking again. "H-he wa- was in a car accident. He's in the ICU and they won't tell me anything. I-I need to be there. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I need you to h-help me, please." _

"_Who was in an accident?" he asked softly._

"_W-Wallace."_

"_Okay, where is Wallace now? Is he in Neptune?"_

"_No. He's back at school in North Carolina. I need to get there. But I-I can't think of what I need to do."_

"_Where are your Dad and Alicia?"_

"_Dad called me from the airport. They had already called the airlines and are flying out there. I need to be there with them." He was relieved to hear her calming down but was worried about the monotone note that was slipping into her speech._

_Not wanting to let her be alone with her thoughts, he kept her talking on his cell while calling airlines with his house phone. Once arrangements were made, he reluctantly allowed Veronica to hang up and pack so she would be ready when the car service he arranged arrived to pick her up and take her to the airport._

_Three hours later, Logan watched Veronica walk off the plane at LAX, visibly in shock. When she saw him, she stopped in her tracks and stared for a moment before dropping her bag and running toward him. Flinging her arms around him, she held on tight as she once again dissolved into tears. He had been hard-pressed to hold back his own anguish at seeing her so broken. She was his Valkerie, his warrior, and he could not stand to see her be anything but her toughest._

_He got her bag and ushered her to her next flight. She had been shocked when he had revealed that he was there to go with her. He wasn't about to let her go through this alone. She didn't say anything but the look of relief in her eyes and the squeezing of his hand told him all he needed to know._

_Logan was with Veronica almost ever waking moment of the next few weeks. He barely let her out of his sight, making sure she ate, slept, and actually got fresh air now and again. _

_Fortunately, Wallace pulled through his injuries but not without lasting damage. It would take three surgeries and countless months of physical therapy to repair his right knee and shoulder. Though he was able to regain the function in both limbs, the accident destroyed any basketball career he could have had. After the loss of his scholarship to UNC, Wallace had returned home to California and enrolled at UCLA where he studied sports medicine._

_A few months later, Logan arrived in San Francisco for an internship with Lucas Films. It was a dream job that allowed him to indulge his sci-fi geek and it had the added benefit of being close to Veronica while they repaired their relationship._

_After both of them had completed their educations, they settled into the house Logan had purchased in L.A. Veronica's father was relieved that they were not rushing into marriage but he had expressed hoped that she might get her own place for awhile or live with Wallace. _

_Over the next few years, Veronica settled into her new position as a profiler for the FBI and Logan began writing and directing films. At first, he stuck mostly to smaller, independent films that he often financed himself. It wasn't until he was well-established as an award-winning director in his own right that he began to make larger, studio blockbusters. He was the first to admit he enjoyed the money and fame those films brought, but his true passion were the smaller films that allowed him his freedom. _

_The most notable film of his career would be about the Lilly Kane murder, which he wrote and directed himself. At Billie Maxwell's suggestion, he had written the screenplay as a catharsis in college, but had never intended for it to be anything more than an exercise. However, Veronica had run across the manuscript years later and insisted that he needed to make the film. Unlike the previous tabloid versions of the story, his story was mostly about Lilly the person and the fab four, not Lilly the tabloid sensation. Also, unlike the other films, his story opened and closed with the murder, with the resultant events being little more than a short epilogue on the screen. It was the only film he ever did that would make Veronica cry throughout and thank him for making._

_A couple of years after moving to L.A., Veronica and Logan got married. A few more years after that, they presented Keith with his first grandson, Matthew Keith. Their daughter, Riley Katherine, followed a few years later._

_Things were going well in the Echolls' household until shortly after Veronica's 36th birthday. Veronica and Logan had both been working long hours, spending little time together, when Logan was offered the chance to direct a film in Scotland. He always tried to limit his time away to short periods or he took the family along. However, this was to take place during the school year and it would mean uprooting the kids to a new school, which Veronica refused to allow. While her objection to taking the kids out of school was valid, her main excuse was hatred of the movie's star._

"_If you want to go off and make a film with your 'star', Madison Sinclair, fine. But, I'm not going and neither are my kids," she screamed._

"_Your kids? Wow, I didn't know you'd created them all by yourself. You're even more talented than I realized. I guess I'm just superfluous," he replied snidely. He was tired of Veronica bitching about Madison. Yes, her flirting was annoying, but he wasn't interested in her or any woman other than his wife and Veronica knew that. _

_The argument continued without resolution until Logan stormed into his den. A week later, he left for the movie shoot with nothing resolved. Right before his departure he let her know that he wasn't sure when he would be able to come home for a visit during production and Veronica had responded by suggesting that maybe he shouldn't bother coming home at all. Enraged by her insinuation that it might be better if he never came home, he had left without a backward glance._

_When Logan stormed out of the house, he had been filled with righteous anger. Halfway across the ocean, he wanted nothing more than to order the pilot to turn around. He had never left on a note like that and now he feared his marriage might really be over. _

_Veronica may have used Madison as the excuse but she wasn't the real cause of their problems. No, the root source of the problem was that each hated the other's profession. Veronica detested the media attention his career brought upon them; he feared the danger she faced every time she went into the field. _

_No, Madison was not the problem. This fight had been building for months. This fight had been just a matter of time since the night of the shooting._

Even a few decades later, thoughts of that night could turn his blood to ice. The terror he felt on the ride from his house to the hospital was unparalleled.

_Unfortunately for the young agent charged with getting him to the hospital, details were sketchy. The only thing he knew was that Veronica had been shot and was rushed by life-flight to the hospital. Logan knew if life-flight was involved the situation was dire._

_The following hours were beyond any nightmare that he could have imagined. Keith showed up with the children and the four of them sat in silence, waiting for word from the operating room. When the surgeon arrived to talk to them, he found two stone-faced men, each holding tightly to a sleeping child. _

"_She came through the surgery better than we could have hoped. She lost a lot of blood, her lung collapsed and we had to remove her spleen. She's being taken to recovery now and you can go see her after she's settled. She's hooked to a machine to help her breathe so it's probably going to look scary but with time she should make a full recovery," the doctor assured them solemnly._

_Keith thanked the doctor profusely as tears flowed down his cheeks. Logan was too numb to do anything more than nod and offer a small thanks to the doctor._

_Later, sitting by her bedside, watching the machine help her breath, he broke down and cried. He had almost become a widower, his children motherless. He didn't know how he would cope if she died._

_Now, she was talking about returning to fieldwork. That was true source of their current problems. He felt she was being selfish for putting herself back on the line. She thought he was being a controlling asshole for not understanding how much her job meant. Neither was willing to compromise and see the other's side._

_The weeks following his departure were long and lonely. Were it not for the ability to bury himself in work, he would probably have gone crazy. Of course the cast and crew were not happy with the way he was driving him. They were a week ahead of shooting because of his pushing them so hard._

_Madison was being a horrid pest, throwing herself at him on regular intervals. When he returned to his suite one night to find her naked on his bed, he had thrown her out and threatened to fire her if she pulled another stunt like that._

_Logan was bewildered nine weeks after arriving in Scotland to open the suite door and see his wife. "Veronica?" He noted that her eyes were red-rimmed, her manner dejected. He was instantly worried that something horrible had happened. "Are you okay? Are the kids alright?"_

"_No…yes," she drew in a deep breath before continuing. "The kids are fine. They are probably being spoiled rotten by their grandparents." She stopped abruptly and looked him in the eye. "Can I come in?"_

_Realizing they were still standing in the doorway, he stepped back and motioned her inside. She strode into the suite and then just stood there. _

_When she didn't speak he finally asked, "If nothing is wrong, why are here Veronica?" He tried to keep his tone casual and a little bland but his bitterness was evident._

"_I never said that there wasn't something wrong." She stood there, seemingly debating what to say before she finally just blurted out why she was in Scotland. "You haven't come home. You've barely even called." Her tone was lost, mystified._

_He frowned at her words. He almost started yelling but clenched his jaw, trying to remain calm. "_You _told me not to come home. And I did call, daily. I've talked to the kids__every-single-day_ _without fail."_

"_But you hardly ever talked to me," she answered petulantly. "You've always called me to at least say goodnight."_

_Had he not been so incensed he would have laughed at her pouting. But what she said was true. In their time apart, they hadn't spoken more than a hand full of words to each other. He timed most of his calls when he was fairly certain she would not be around, going so far as to call the kids at Keith and Alicia's house, where they usually went after school. The few times she answered he had spoken no more than a few words before requesting to speak to the children. She attempted to start a conversation a few times but he had been angry and refused to listen._

"_You all but threw me out the door. It didn't exactly leave with the impression that you wanted to talk. I was trying to go along with your wishes," he answered snottily._

_She stared at him disbelievingly. "You pick _now _to do what I want. You haven't listened to me a day of our marriage!"_

"_I was angry and I had every right to be. You made a major decision about our lives without even asking me. I have a job, our kids have school; we can't just pick up and go at your whim."_

"_I made a major life decision without asking_ you. _Did you think about me or the kids when you decided to go back into the field? Did you think about how we would feel if you got shot again? You have no idea what it was like to sit next to your hospital bed, afraid the doctors were wrong and you weren't going to make it. How would I explain that to the kids? How could I be expected to keep going? I can't even take care of myself, much less two kids," he finished brokenly._

_He was stunned by his own statement. Until now he had never admitted his true fear. He knew he wouldn't be able to raise the kids without her. How would he be able to teach them about love and life when his heart and soul would be buried with Veronica?_

_She walked up to him, tears filling her eyes. When he didn't reject her, she placed a hand on his cheek. "You would do a wonderful job with the children. I wish you could see what I do. You are so much stronger than you think." She waited while he assimilated her words before continuing. "I do think about you and the kids when I go to work. All of you are why I go out there every day. I want to make the world a safer place for them, for us. Every time I catch one of the bad guys, I breathe a little easier. It's one less person that can hurt our family. And my job is a large part of who I am. I don't want a different job. I don't know how to do anything else, how to be someone else," she beseeched, trying to make him understand._

"_I don't want you to be anyone else. But I need to know that you are safe. That you are doing everything possible to come home to us every night," he responded fervently._

_By now both of them were crying openly. He pulled her close and squeezed her tightly. His world was slowing shifting back on the right axis with her in his arms._

_The rest of the night was spent talking, yelling, and even some more crying. Finally they were releasing months of pent-up anger. It had been a long time since they'd been this honest with each other, with themselves for that matter._

_In keeping with the spirit of honesty, he told her about Madison's little stunt in his room. Veronica was livid with the actress but she believed him when he said nothing happened. _

_As the sun came up, Logan called his assistant director and asked her to take over shooting for the day. She was an eager, talented young woman looking to make her mark so she was thrilled at the opportunity. Had Logan not worked with her previously on one of his independent films and been so impressed with her work, he would have called off work for the day. _

_Right now though, his immediate concern was his wife and saving his marriage. The rest of the world could go fuck themselves as far as he was concerned._

_Veronica stayed for a week during which they took full advantage of having no children present. It was the first time they had been away from the kids for more than a night or two. It was a second honeymoon of sorts. _

_They promised during that week to make more time for one another. Their priorities for the last few years and been work and children and in the process they neglected each other, much to the detriment of their marriage. _

_Things were far from perfect but they were back on track by the time Veronica went home. Logan gave the cast and crew a much needed couple days break while she was there but he was back to pushing them hard once she left. This time things went smoother however as he was no longer furiously barking orders. He even began to turn more things over to his assistant so he could make a few trips home. _

_Logan and Veronica laughed at what a total cliché it was when she gave birth to a baby boy, Jacob Tyler, nine months after she returned from her trip to Scotland. The teasing about no souvenirs in Scotland being good enough for them so they had to make their own was merciless, but the proud parents were too happy to care._

Logan came back to the present momentarily as he shifted slightly to ease a cramp forming in his arm. Before long though, his mind was back to sifting through the memories. He could feel himself weakening quickly.

He remembered the terror of learning Veronica was pregnant for the first time. The pride and joy he felt when he held each of his children for the first time. He remembered first steps, first words, birthday parties, anniversaries…he had led a full life. There were plenty of down times over the years but he wouldn't trade them for anything if it had meant giving up the joys.

He had thought he was ready to let go but as the moment grew nearer he could feel the fear settling in. How would the kids and Veronica deal? Would his grandchildren even remember him?

He shook Veronica gently; no longer wanting to be alone with his thoughts. He needed her to be there, to assure him he didn't need to be frightened.

She buried her face tiredly into his chest as she tried to awaken. A gesture she had performed many times during their life together. It took mere seconds this time for her to come fully alert and sit upright.

"Logan," she cried frantically as she hovered over him. "Are you okay? Do you need something? I'm so sorry I fell asleep."

"Hey, it's okay," he assured her. "You needed the rest."

"Have you been awake this whole time? You should have woken me up."

"I was just thinking about that day on the balcony of The Camelot. My life would have been so different if you hadn't kissed me or if I hadn't pulled you back for that second kiss. We may have never had our epic."

"It was definitely a life-altering day." She tried to muster up a small smile as she stared down at him. "Are you sure you don't need anything?"

"I need you to talk to me," he whispered. "Tell me a story."

Her eyes full of tears she asked, "What kind of story?"

"Tell me about the day we met. I've told my side of the story about how hot you were in those knee socks a hundred times. It occurred to me earlier that I'd never heard your version."

She lay back down with her head on his chest, trying to keep him from seeing the tears that coursed down her cheeks. Her voice full of anguish she began her story.

"I had just finished a soccer game and came running off the field to meet Lilly. We were supposed to go to the mall and then spend the night at my place. She was there with Duncan and this other boy that they introduced as Duncan's best friend, who had just moved to town. Lilly whispered to me that she thought he was cute and she wanted to kiss him. I laughed and I'm sure I probably blushed. The boy was cute but what I was struck most by was his eyes. They were such a warm, chocolate brown but so full of sadness. I remember wanting to…"


End file.
